“A whooa-oooaa-whoooaaa why don’t you ever have an opinion about curtains, you assho-ooh-whoo-ole!”
Christina Aguilera performed at Etta James’ memorial service Saturday night and honored the late singer in the classiest way possible if classy means flashing your tits and letting menstrual blood slowly trickle down your leg because you’re a witch hellbent on waving your devilry in our faces. (We get it, you’re unclean. Now spare the harvest, wench of Lucifer!) That said, her people are already trying to spin it as fake tanner, so I probably shouldn’t jump to conclusions like this new one I’ve already moved onto: She’s going into labor! Quick, get the forceps in case it’s another mole-child and tries to use its birth claw to burrow out. Protect the breasts!
Photos: Getty, Splash News