Christina Aguilera’s Last Album Is From The Future So That’s Why No One Bought It

“Ohmygod, I haven’t eaten all day. Just one bite…”
“What did you say, mama?”

Seen here taking her moleman/human hybrid son Max to the Pumpkin Patch because he always burrows out the best ones, Christina Aguilera’s last album Bionic barely sold 300,000 copies, and as she gets ready to release Lotus next month, she’s coming up with all kinds of excuses about how only people that really understand music got Bionic and they also had to be from the future. Via Gawker which has a bunch more bullshit quotes worth checking out:

[Bionic] had a lot of amazing sounds and a futuristic twist to it. But if you weren’t a music person, it was just going to go over your head. A lot of the collaborations were with people that were either very underground or weren’t necessarily from the pop world. I really think it was far ahead of its time and it’ll be fully appreciated in the years to come.

A likely excuse, except how does Christina Aguilera explain that I’m so advanced I only listen to humpback whale chants from space (Into it totally before it became mainstream, so don’t even try.) yet I had absolutely zero interest in her album? And how does she also explain that in reality I mostly just listen to shit like the Dethklok song below and/or Ladytron simply because their name is Ladytron? (I’ve got stuff to do, so if she guesses, “Because you’re a lonely, dorky little Internet man?” give her a cookie and send her on her way.)

WARNING: If you’re at work, near small children or surrounded by people with a shred of decency now would be good time not to watch this unless you want them to suspect you of every murder that happens in your town. On that note, I laughed way harder than I probably should have once the Blowjob Pharoah went on his rampage, so I’ll just head on down to the police station and wait for someone to pick me out of a lineup.

(h/t Chez Pazienza for the Dethklok vid.)

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News