Christian Bale’s assault charges dropped

August 14th, 2008 // 49 Comments

Christian Bale is off the hook. London police have been instructed to drop charges that Batman assaulted his mother due to lack of evidence. That loud wheezing sound you just heard was the excited whimper of a million geeks the world over. The AP reports:

The country’s Crown Prosecution Service said in a statement that there was insufficient evidence to afford a “realistic prospect of conviction” and ordered the police not to take any further action in the case.

Christian Bale had the following to say: “I just want to thank all my fans for their unwavering support in this private matter. I’m happy to be vindicated of these, obviously, false allegations. I’m going to celebrate by kicking my own mother down a flight of stairs. Ha! I’m kidding, folks. I’ll pay someone to do it.”

superficial

  1. Tara

    Hmmm something smells fishy…

  2. my comment

    Who?

  3. RicoSuave

    That Batman voice must have spooked the investigators…

  4. hehe.. i heard he got off cause his mother was wearing her clown nose so christian’s punch bounced right off and left no mark.

  5. Babycakes

    FIRST!!!

    Dark Knight was…not about Batman…EPIC FAIL!!!!

  6. Sam

    In a related matter, he was convicted of having an ugly wife.

  7. For a gay man, she’s a nice beard

  8. SUN

    Too bad — I would like to see that episode of Cops 2.0

  9. 1st gay batman

    Douchebag Extraordinaire

    Yet another celebrity pile of human garbage.

  10. Ted from LA

    I’m pretty sure he smacked his mom (POW!!!) and hit his sister with a 2X4 (KABOOM!!!).

  11. CB = bisexual

    He got off because during questioning he attempted to assault a female officer and she rolled around on the floor laughing.

    A wimpy weakling can do no damage and if brought to trial it could easily be proven that CB could not beat up a dead female chihuaha if he tried.

    The most they could charge him with would be -attempted assault- because he’s a pussy.

  12. #9 what did you expect to see on here? This is THESUPERFICIAL

    Meanwhile, back at the batcave..

  13. Sally

    #7 Otto: You wish he was gay, but he ain’t !

  14. typical superficial loser

    How did someone so ugly land the role of Batman? Those two will produce ugly monster children

  15. typical superficial loser

    All you losers wish you looked as good as me. Too bad you are all so ugly

  16. #14, cause he gets to wear a mask.

    Oh and yes MONSTER CHILDREN with very big teeth..

  17. Crazy Old Bitch

    Hey, hey! You’ve all lost sight of what’s really important here. Tom Cruise is a cocksucker. And Katie Holmes can slam fuck like a jackhammer with a 20 pound dildo/strap on kit. I rest my case.

  18. Tara

    #6

    Lol if that’s ugly to you, I’d like to see the super model you play house with…and it doesn’t count if she’s made from cardboard or inflatable plastic.

  19. BadCopNoDonut

    I was hoping he would have been detained without BAIL! Get it??? Oh man, I’ve been waiting all day to say that.

  20. Sam

    #18 – Tara, more sucking, less talking

  21. Tara

    Oh Sam…from the mouth of a simpleton.

  22. literarycritic

    @#20: I’m sorry to tell you this, but girls can’t suck your cock through a computer screen. Get your mommy to talk to you about the facts of life, mmkay?

  23. Helio Mobile

    #3

    I just fell off my chair. Too Funny!

  24. Webster's

    “bitch”

    for example, see #21-22

  25. Oxford

    “geek”

    for example, see #24

  26. Free Online

    “plagiarist”

    for example, see #25

  27. literarycritic

    “asshole”

    For example, see #20.

    Appropriate responses to assholes include, but are not limited to: bitchiness.

  28. rough daddy

    good for him it sounded like a shakedown…female style…

  29. venomhed

    Christian Bale makes out with Ewan McGregor AND gets fucked in the ass (no lie) in the movie:

    Velvet Goldmine

    If you want to see a gay movie, watch that one. That will kill all the cool Christian had!

  30. sameshitdifferentyear

    Was it a case of lack of evidence, or of sufficient funds transferred to mooching family members’ bank accounts to shut them the fuck up?

  31. Surtees

    He does look like a pussy-boy actor who screeches at women and underpaid crew members to get his aggression out. Hopefully one day he’ll try it on someone who isn’t dependent on him for cash.

  32. oracle

    What most the media failed to report was that he verbally assaulted his mother. That’s why charges were dropped, cause it was a ridiculous charge. Who do you say the worst things to other than your own family… Seems she just couldn’t take some harsh words. Just like that Alec Baldwin voicemail thing… He should be able to privately say that shit to his daughter.

    Ahh, fuck it. What do I care.

  33. smorgasbord

    His wife is bangin’. I don’t know what you nerds are on about

  34. “Submissive Homosexual Prison Bitch”

    For example, see #24.

    “Gaping Orifice”

    For example, see #26.

    If I left out a deserving special someone, and you know who you are, please feel free to anally stimulate yourself with a large blunt object of your choice. My treat.

  35. oshkoshb'goshdamngosh

    All I see is Patrick Bateman pulling my hair and telling me to look at the camera. UUUUauuuuuusshhhhhhuuuuuuuuaauuuggghhh.

  36. mama

    Look at his eyes,his chaming smile. I think I fall in love with him. It is said he is interested in dating pretty models at a celebrity site Richromances.com. I will become a member soon!

  37. NastyBedazzler

    Wow you guys turn on your favorite actors right quick don’t you?

    I seem to recall a post about Bale when Batman first came out and everyone was sucking his cock.

    I still think he rules even if he did punch his mom, who is probably a money-grubbing bitch anyway.

  38. K lee

    @ 29
    (Insecure and latently homsexual) guys may think that’s not cool, but lots of gals do… He also jacks off in that one. To that, I say fuck yes.

  39. Snoodle

    @ 29 venomhed (and agreeing with K lee up there above me ^)

    Trust me hun…there’s more than enough people outside of yourself who adore that movie. The fact he’s comfortable enough with his sexuality (perhaps something you could take lessons on…) to take roles like that makes him a whole lot hotter let me tell ya ;)

  40. His wife has really odd teeth, she looks like an even more smug version of Jessica Biel.

  41. ime

    I’d be more than smug if I were Christian Bale’s wife.

    “Sore…but very smug.”

  42. MOTHERS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE FLOWERS!!!!!!!
    especially from their son!!

  43. She looks amazing for her age or any age

    HIS WIFE IS 38 YEARS OLD BTW. SHE LOOKS PRETTY FUCKING GOOD FOR 38.

    Bale is 34. Her name is Sibi Blazic. Look it up.

  44. jane

    and yet, can somebody please charge his girl for bad hair no make up and an ugly dress?

  45. clive85

    Why is she always smiling when her teeth and gums look like she’s wearing dentures?

  46. wohdude

    christian bale is the sexiest thing alive.

    wtf u guys on abt!!!

    CHRISTIAN BALE… I WANT YRR BABIIIES. yum yum.

  47. Don't Get it Twisted!

    @38 I hate to break it to you but if your “man” is sitting back watching movies involving anal sex between two guys he may be “secure”, but he’s also probably the one who’s a latent homosexual! Just because you don’t want to see two dudes go at it doesn’t mean your insecure or in the closet.

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