Chrissy Teigen Is In The 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
Fresh off of being shamed by a Florida schoolteacher (Oxymoron, anyone?) for having the nerve to decide how, when, and why a baby will come out of her – a practice that’ll soon be halted by executive order “Witches Use Loser Science To Make Kids? Sad!” – here’s Chrissy Teigen posing for The 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Which I’m sure will garner all kinds of helpful responses like “Who’s watching your baby?” and “Would not bang” from people who probably look like swamp creatures and will never know the euphoric joy of having just five minutes away from your kid because the sex ship sailed with the first hairy nipple and never turned back. God, I love the internet.
(I don’t, burn it down. It’s killing us all. *remembers how I make money* I mean… yeah, still go ahead. I’ll turn tricks. Fuck it.)