Chris Brown & Rihanna might actually be married. Jesus…

Chris Brown appeared in court yesterday afternoon to be arraigned on charges of felony assault and making criminal threats. During the proceedings it became obvious that Rihanna is going to offer prosecutors minimal cooperation and the two might seriously be married. Well, at least Chris Brown is getting some sort of punishment. Ba-doom-sha! Tip your waitress, folks. NY Daily News reports:

“Rihanna will do everything the law requires her to do,” he told the Daily News in a post-court interview. “She’ll do what the law requires of her. That’s all I will say.”
Legal experts have said that, while making things more difficult, prosecutors can still try Brown if Rihanna clams up.
Complicating things, published gossip reports and a Daily News source insist the two may have secretly eloped, a claim that Etra refused to address outside the court and in his interview with The News.
“Today was not the day to discuss the nature of their relationship or idle gossip or rumors,” is all he would say.

On top of that, Rihanna turned down the court’s offer to issue a restraining order against what appears to be her husband of one week:

“Your honor, Miss Fenty does not request that type of order,” Etra told her. Rihanna’s real name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty, and the 21-year-old “Disturbia” singer was not in court.
Lousteau lectured Brown not to “annoy, harass, molest, threaten or use force or violence against anyone.”

Not to annoy, huh? Then, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to follow Chris Brown around and try to catch him making that noise when you sip out of an empty soda cup. Justice, HOOOOOOOO!

Photos: Getty