Chris Brown & Rihanna might actually be married. Jesus…

March 6th, 2009 // 92 Comments

Chris Brown appeared in court yesterday afternoon to be arraigned on charges of felony assault and making criminal threats. During the proceedings it became obvious that Rihanna is going to offer prosecutors minimal cooperation and the two might seriously be married. Well, at least Chris Brown is getting some sort of punishment. Ba-doom-sha! Tip your waitress, folks. NY Daily News reports:

“Rihanna will do everything the law requires her to do,” he told the Daily News in a post-court interview. “She’ll do what the law requires of her. That’s all I will say.”
Legal experts have said that, while making things more difficult, prosecutors can still try Brown if Rihanna clams up.
Complicating things, published gossip reports and a Daily News source insist the two may have secretly eloped, a claim that Etra refused to address outside the court and in his interview with The News.
“Today was not the day to discuss the nature of their relationship or idle gossip or rumors,” is all he would say.

On top of that, Rihanna turned down the court’s offer to issue a restraining order against what appears to be her husband of one week:

“Your honor, Miss Fenty does not request that type of order,” Etra told her. Rihanna’s real name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty, and the 21-year-old “Disturbia” singer was not in court.
Lousteau lectured Brown not to “annoy, harass, molest, threaten or use force or violence against anyone.”

Not to annoy, huh? Then, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to follow Chris Brown around and try to catch him making that noise when you sip out of an empty soda cup. Justice, HOOOOOOOO!

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. I'm Sorry

    What’s wrong with racist humor? I mean, it’s not like the other side can’t fight back right? You can anything you want to me and I promise to come right back at you. I find the shit hilarious, but then again I am white trash so I apologise.

  2. Mother's Against Beaten Up Daughters

    Oh Goody! Now he can beat her up on congeal visits.

  3. Re: I'm sorry

    Racist humor is OK as long as its FUNNY–like, you could say, “at the presidential inauguration, there were so many blacks present that it was a perfect time to break into their homes and steal some of our stuff back.”

  4. You god damned white trailer trash make me sick. I’m so mad I could kill you damned racists.

    I log on here to be cool, but all that happens is that I end up with a page full of cornball racist humor I can’t show to anybody. It’s downright embarrassing, almost as embarrassing as the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

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  5. Vanilla Gorilla

    53. I’ve noticed most of the racist comments on this site are not really funny. Yours however did make me lol. I think that it is fine to make jokes about any race but blaming them for your problem or just spouting pointless hate gets a bit tired after the 100th post. Its not like I’m on a Klan message bored where I would expect it, its celebrity news for christ sake.

  6. GhettoPhresh

    @ 55: Shut the fuck up ya trickaz bustah!

  7. Frank N. Stein

    While she is handling the Chris Brown matter all wrong. I’d still do her.

  8. teddy

    DEFENDING BLACKS?? isn’t that what lawyers are there for?

    rich blacks like p. ditty, O.J, r.kelly etc. give jews more $$$$$$$$$$$$

    blacks and jews r so essential to one another ! they make the world go round

  9. sin

    Only a worthless liberal would call someone speaking their mind as racist all the time. If a libelral does not like what it hears, they immediately claim racism and want censorship. They do not practice what they preach.

  10. RichPort's Ghost

    Racist humor is too far beneath me, because I am so gifted and special and everything I post should be read by everyone, printed out, and framed and hung on their wall, so my super-intelligent quips can be read many times everyday.

    But I still can’t figure out why my “Scientists do it in their Genes” t-shirt doesn’t make everyone laugh out loud when I go to social functions. Or why people flip me off when I’m driving just because I have a “I brake for sexy men” bumper sticker, right next to my rainbow sticker.

    Now excuse me, I have to go think of some more super righteous stuff to post so you all can adore me and find me so witty and hip.

  11. Puke

    Chris Brown is half white!

  12. U fine white bitches iz gonna clikc my name am message me rnt u?

    Yeh u will cuz i wanna do some deep dickin’ and givz u syphilliz, u no wat im tawkin bout.

    Iz Holladaddy69, ! DaH NiGgUh U CaN TaKe HoMe 2 Ya PaReNtS !

    and @ 55: shut da fuck up u gump azz bitch!!!

  13. @ 59 I encourage you to carefully look back through the comments on the site from day to day. It has nothing to do with being liberal trust me.

  14. Also @59, please stop posting that stupid image of the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

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    I’m tired of it. It’s terribly childish. I have no idea who would be so immature as to do such a thing other than yourself, you gump az bitch.

  15. terdspotter

    If it’s BROWN flush it down.

  16. white boy

    She should’ve gone out with a white boy.

    You know what they say… once you go black…

    …you ruin your credit.

  17. @ 64………………………………………………………well………………..I guess I just have no words for you.

  18. Ed Castillo

    I hope these two can work it out, esp. now that they’re married. A covenant with God is more important than some domestic scuffle.

  19. feckless

    @38 I was going to post that. So anyways, he married her so she couldn’t testify him and he wouldn’t do nine years because America hates him OR he married her because he loves her so much and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. And a few boy toys. I just can’t decide.

  20. feckless

    Mother’s Against Beaten Up Daughters – March 6, 2009 12:17 PM
    …………………. “on congeal visits.”

    @52 Christ that is a hideous thought.

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  22. Barry O

    I wonder if they would’ve gotten married so she wouldn’t have to testify against him, in case some prosecutor would want to make an example of him. Spousal privilege & all…

  23. I know what you mean! I mean, just yesterday when my sister was blowing me, I asked her to get her finger out of my ass and explain to me why some n!ggers are so rich and why my leaky trailer rocks when we screw.

  24. His posters are still up at Wal-Mart.

  25. lovely

    Chris looks soooooooooooooooo damn goodddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!

  26. lovely

    Chris looks soooooooooooooooo damn goodddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!

  27. lovely

    Chris looks soooooooooooooooo damn goodddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!

  28. lovely

    Chris looks soooooooooooooooo damn goodddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!

  29. lovely

    Chris looks soooooooooooooooo damn goodddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!

  30. lovely

    Chris looks soooooooooooooooo damn goodddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!

  31. Chris looks soooooooooooooooo damn goodddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!
    Almost as good as the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

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  32. duwayne josephsson

    I use to defend against white racist remarks but everyday my life in the ghetto is more and more like Puratory from the daily dumbstuff people are doing. I live in the city where Rosa Parks, the so-called ‘Mother of the Civil Rights Movement’ was a victim of a home invasion, beaten and robbed. If I were a gangster who made a living of killing people, I would hope to have the the honour of ordering a contract out on Rosa’s assailant despite her forgiveness and his arrest. A message would have been sent. No such chance. My people have no real honour despite the accomplishments of some individuals who are successful. I knew that if Rosa Parks forgave her atttacker who ‘knew’ her or should have recognised her, then Rihanna was going to forgive Chris.

    Now let’s go further, Sean Combs is in on this too as well as the PR atty Michael Shitrick. These 3 should receive an ass-whipping but there’s not a single Black man with honour and access who can be counted on to kick their asses.

  33. duwayne josephsson

    Its not even about Rihanna, its about the young punks who think they have the greenlight to beat the shit out their girlfriends because this fool will not see to it Chris goes to prison. These other victims will not have the benefit of the media focus and like her believe likely they deserve the beatings. It did not begin or end with Chris but the US and California must show as much determination to put this punk in prison as it did with Paris Hilton, Mike Vick and Martha Steward. Too many punks are watching this and if he walks it will serve to validate them kicking their girlfriends ass.

    So if you are Black and cannot stand these racist remarks, truth hurts, that’s one of the Honourable Elijah Muhammad’s favourite quotes. While celebrating Obama the reality is Chris, the reality is the dumb stuff going down in the hoods across America. When somebody speaks out like Bill Cosby, you attack him as a ‘sell-out’ because you cannot take the truth. I see the truth he’s talking about everyday on my Detroit block and this is nowhere near being the worst neighborhood in this city, that would be Hell itself.

    All of these racist comments use to bother me but I have no defense for them anymore because if I did, as soon as I left this MB one of my dumbass neighbors will have done something to get me upset. Detroit has gone from being the Automotive Capital of the World to where owning and operating a car has become a nightmare and this has nothing to do with the economy just the dumb crap of too many people here. If you stop for a red light you better try not to be behind another car and turn to look in all directions for a carjacking. If you are obviously at home it doesn’t mean your home will not be invaded, and if you shot one of these worthy punks you will still lose by the legal fees for trying to protect yourself again in court.

    Until one of us is man enough to beat the shit out of Chris Brown and Sean Combs then you just sit and take the ape and monkey jokes, not because there true but more because ‘we as a people’ have no honour.

  34. duwayne josephsson

    Finally, its getting to be Spring time in Detroit and as I get older the more I hate this time of year because the warm weather brings out whatever Stupidity has been hibernating through the Summer. I am finding it hard to enjoy the budding of the trees, the robins and all that other stuff which romantically tells the story of nature awakening. No as I drive thru the city I see where all the thugs are going to be hanging out. Count all the fools walking in the street as if they were vehicles despite there being sidewalks. Count all the idiots who speed down residential streets and even pass other cars if they are going too slow. I look forward to the Winter with its cold and high heating bills because at least the bulk of these Fools are indoors somewhere. Ah yes, Spring-time in Detroit. Aw shit, Summer going to be a muther-fuquer.

    You want to make the racist comments stop? Then stop acting like the ‘Birth of a Nation’ said you would.

  35. Buddy Love

    #84: I respect you. I’m white.

  36. Brothers

    82-84
    I must say we rarely read anything on this site as well written and heartfelt as what you have said. We all joke around nastily and laugh at our own nastiness because controversy causes reaction. It’s all just mean fun.
    Your point of view and story makes my fell very said for the good people that have no choice but try to survive amoungst the madness of their peers. A person like you deserves much more than having to struggle against his fellow humans.
    Where I live there is a run down house filled with a mixed ethnic gang of punks with pit bulls and the cops never do anything about it. I guess court cases are just bug business now. Taking the working man’s money by any means possible.
    Anyway all the best to you!

  37. Teddy

    y would you have sex with him after he beat u up?

    your gonna let him blow a load over your busted ass face?? O.O

    goes to show black girls don’t have much more self respect as they portray!

    you can do so much better…he is nasty!

    guys r learning this is oK and hence no good guys r really out there, not many

    FYI the ones that claim to be nice guys are not !!! lol

  38. dee dee

    the incident happened and only Chris Brown, Rihanna, and GOD know what really happened. he hit her and rumor say she hit him first. if anybody gets punished and they remain together thats there business. i was once in a relationship like that and all they gave me is a restraining order and thats it. so if my x-man didn’t get long jail time for my bruises then Chris Brwon shouldn’t. he’s not perfect but he is trying to correct his error which is more than most men/women that abuse do!! leave that couple alone and let them work there issues out and seek the correct counseling they both need.

  39. Truth

    Since we are making racial jokes.
    1. How many white people does it take to catch one man?
    One Million and counting. It takes a lot of chicken shits to equal on man.

    2. How easy is a white woman?
    I’m fucking one now, and I ain’t even a man.

    3. What to find out how dumb the average white person is?
    Ask them a question

    4. Why do white people hate every other race?
    You would hate everybody too if you looked like that.

    Now that’s funny!!!

  40. lil' T

    Only reason why Rihanna won’t leave him is just cuz she know she ain’t going to be able to find another man. She rather with him and get beaten then be all and alone with 20 catz. Stupid ass bitch!!!

  41. So I was watching wrestling in his trailer and smoked ice, and I thought to myself. I wish the Bush White House was still as white people in the trailer park people were allowed to stay. Oh and better then Chris Brown beat his girlfriend need to know. You just beat your stupid sister and only put in his mouth when used.

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