Chris Brown & Rihanna might actually be married. Jesus…

March 6th, 2009 // 92 Comments

Chris Brown appeared in court yesterday afternoon to be arraigned on charges of felony assault and making criminal threats. During the proceedings it became obvious that Rihanna is going to offer prosecutors minimal cooperation and the two might seriously be married. Well, at least Chris Brown is getting some sort of punishment. Ba-doom-sha! Tip your waitress, folks. NY Daily News reports:

“Rihanna will do everything the law requires her to do,” he told the Daily News in a post-court interview. “She’ll do what the law requires of her. That’s all I will say.”
Legal experts have said that, while making things more difficult, prosecutors can still try Brown if Rihanna clams up.
Complicating things, published gossip reports and a Daily News source insist the two may have secretly eloped, a claim that Etra refused to address outside the court and in his interview with The News.
“Today was not the day to discuss the nature of their relationship or idle gossip or rumors,” is all he would say.

On top of that, Rihanna turned down the court’s offer to issue a restraining order against what appears to be her husband of one week:

“Your honor, Miss Fenty does not request that type of order,” Etra told her. Rihanna’s real name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty, and the 21-year-old “Disturbia” singer was not in court.
Lousteau lectured Brown not to “annoy, harass, molest, threaten or use force or violence against anyone.”

Not to annoy, huh? Then, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to follow Chris Brown around and try to catch him making that noise when you sip out of an empty soda cup. Justice, HOOOOOOOO!

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. lisabeller

    Ever saw a one sorta like this one on ___ Affluentmeet Com ____ It’s where romancing with the rich singles!

  2. koko

    Ugly pig dog. I hope he get’s max jail time and Rihanna wises up.

  3. Max Planck

    He cleans up before he shows up in court but he is still a scumbag!

  4. Valerie

    Chris Brown may be almost as annoying as the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

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    Rihanna always turns her hairy yeasty clam up to Chris Brown after he pounds her face in. She likes it like that.

  5. Puke

    Whatever, the bitch is staying with him, she deserves everything she got, gets, and is getting!

  6. Jrz

    Don’t annoy anyone? Like he shouldn’t hold his index finger 2 mm from her face while saying “I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!” over and over?

  7. RichPort's Ghost

    Chris Brown displays a few of the typical porch monkey facial expressions in those pictures. It’s amazing how genetic facial movements between the negro ape and the chimpanzee are so similar. Travis the chimp made many of these same expressions before the police put him down. Why didn’t fish post any of the pics of Chris Brown flinging his poop around and swinging from the ceiling joists?

  8. Max Planck

    Annoy? Heck…what if he sings?

  9. What is it with men wearing not one but TWO diamond earrings? Are they fucking pirates?

  10. Defending Blacks

    Before any of you make any statements about this being a RACIAL issue….

    Let me just say, a WHITE man killed his wife and 4 kids today…yes I SAID IT!!!

  11. Defending Blacks

    Before any of you make any statements about this being a RACIAL issue….

    Let me just say, a WHITE man killed his wife and 4 kids today…yes I SAID IT!!!

  12. Defending Blacks

    Before any of you make any statements about this being a RACIAL issue….

    Let me just say, a WHITE man killed his wife and 4 kids today…yes I SAID IT!!!

  13. Massa'

    @7 I know what you mean! I mean, just yesterday when my sister was blowing me, I asked her to get her finger out of my ass and explain to me why some n!ggers are so rich and why my leaky trailer rocks when we screw. She then told me to shut the fuck up because dad was waiting and he had just downed a whole bottle of Cialis.

    Wait, what are we talking about?

  14. Defending Blacks

    Before any of you make any statements about this being a RACIAL issue….

    Let me just say, a WHITE man killed his wife and 4 kids today…yes I SAID IT!!!

    Now you damn crackers just shut the hell up about the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

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  15. sammy

    he is my hero,and certainly the best player of all time
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  16. Max Planck

    The wife and 4 kids? A picture of a black man is being circulated actually.

  17. Max Planck

    The wife and 4 kids? A picture of a black man is being circulated actually.

  18. Max Planck

    The wife and 4 kids? A picture of a black man is being circulated actually.

  19. Max Planck

    The wife and 4 kids? A picture of a black man is being circulated actually, which looks remarkably like the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

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  20. joho777

    Why is Rihanna still with Chris Brown? And why will she marry him (if she hasn’t already)?

    Because he promised her that he would never hit her again.

    And like a fool, she believes him.

  21. Really...

    Can’t you do something about these losers and their racist idiocy? We all tell a few racial jokes every once in a while, but this is getting out of hand. Isn’t there a comment moderator? The drawings are ridiculously childish and the rabble rousing is silly.

  22. anjhest

    I guess Chris Brown is now officially a Wife Beater.

  23. Sauron

    It’s dark and has slim hips,broad shoulders and has just put a comment.Who can that be?

  24. lina

    #22
    yes he is and the wife like to be beaten.

  25. groan

    Technically, she promised “not to see him again” and after the beatdown, that was literally true.

  26. RichPort's Ghost

    Without negros, there would be millions of unemployed prison guards. And all this time I thought porch monkeys were useless. I guess they do serve a purpose, somewhat.

  27. Gando

    When you see those delinquents in court,they just look and behave like they’re just coming back from a church visit.But in the meanwhile. . .

  28. Sauron

    You can say what you want about me.But,luckily,i’m not like Chris Brown.However,the marriage might be true.

  29. Speaking of pimp hands, Chris got this chic eating in the palm of his hands,,,who cares already…how do we know “RIRI” is not a glutton for punishment?

  30. I wonder: YOU’RE STILL “ONLINE”, folks?

  31. Really...

    Can’t you do something about these losers and their racist idiocy? We all tell a few racial jokes every once in a while, but this is getting out of hand. Isn’t there a comment moderator? The drawings are ridiculously childish and the rabble rousing is silly, almost as silly as the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

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  32. Darth

    Well,if Rihanna likes a boy who’s going to beat her a hunchback and an eyepatch.Good luck to her!

  33. Tom K

    Whoever dressed Travis the chimp in “people clothes” for his day in court should have toned it down with the earings, gray vest and white handkerchief. Where the fuck is he going dressed like that? I mean really, is he headed to court or the Soul Train Music awards. This clown and his big forehead idiot of a girlfriend/alleged wife have no sense of reality and can’t seem to differentiate right from wrong. Pure black trash!

  34. Yank and wank they rhyme for a reason

    This pathetic little fuckwit makes us black Caribbean women look bad, I hate her, if she married him then she really is ridiculous and ought to be ashamed of herself, for doing this, the ONLY thing to do was walk away and lick her wounds, cry herself a river, but never go back to this abusing piece of shit..

  35. Nero

    Are all these girls from Barbados THAT primitive? Stone age complexion?

  36. Kim (not Kardashian)

    I have no pity for this girl anymore. If she wants to stay with him and let him beat her down whenever he wants, then that’s her problem. hopefully he doesn’t do any worse to her next time it hppens, because it WILL happen again.

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  38. RichPort's Ghost

    A monkey wife cannot be forced to testify against its unevolved ape husband, no matter how much his primate knuckles drag on the ground.

    P.S. Does anyone know if Chris Brown is house-broken, or at least paper-trained? Then again, since he’s such a pussy, maybe he just uses a sandbox.

  39. Um.....

    Excuse me, #10-12……Good ol’ Davon here is black.
    http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/03/06/ohio.family.killed/index.html

  40. Defending Blacks

    @ #39: U a liar! Dat man b3 white! OK? Dat a white mang, dat Davon!

  41. gossipmonger

    So, just a guess but I’d say there is one racist fuck on here posting under numerous names.
    And to the spammers, go fuck yourselves. You cant be delusional enough to think people would fall for your shit… Or are you that stupid? Well, you keep posting them on every gossip site so I’d say yeah, you are retarded..

  42. the big kahuna

    well he is annoying me so wouldn’t that be considered going against the judge’s orders?

  43. the big kahuna

    oh and another thing, i never realized just how much he looks like a monkey.
    race aside, he seriously looks like he could swing on the trees in the zoo.
    and he’s a shit eater, so even more evidence that he is a monkey

  44. Tom K

    If your going to try to prove a point wouldn’t you check the facts of your story #.10-12.

    Wow_______ people just get stupider and stupider everyday! LMAO!!!!!!!!

    I’ll let you fill in the blank!

  45. John

    What eff?? You’re now taking ads for “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”?

    Seriously?

    I have lost so much respect for you.

  46. Apes in the White House

    Chris brown is like the bizzaro Curious George. Instead of getting into all kinds of playful, innocent, and amuzing hyjinx, he’s attacking and biting people and flinging his poo around….

  47. majeeda

    if they are married good 4 them
    she`s still standing by her man
    even if he tried 2 beat her 2 death

  48. majeeda

    if they are married good 4 them
    she`s still standing by her man
    even if he tried 2 beat her 2 death

  49. Vanilla Gorilla

    So I was watching wrestling in my trailer and smoking ice and I thought to myself. I wish Bush was still in the white house and white people were the only people allowed to live in this trailer park. Oh ya and Chris Brown should know better than to beat his girlfriend. You only beat your sister stupid and only when she wont put it in her mouth.

  50. B'lack Obomma

    By taxing the shit out of employers, and putting so many restrictions on industry so that they are forced to move out of the country, I’m going to create jobs. Plus, by forcing every employer to unionize their workforce, making them virtually non-competitive and obsolete, I’ll create even more jobs. Change!!

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