Chris Martin Quit Being A Vegetarian

By: The Superficial / July 3, 2014

“Hey, how you doin’? I can eat burgers now. *returns to call* So, anyway, she’s all ‘Who put the bloody doilies next to the bloody quinoa sifter?’ And I’m like, ‘Bitch, fuck your doilies! I want chicken nuggets.’ — Okay, that didn’t happen. But I thought it.”

Much like America celebrates its independence from Britain, so now shall Chris Martin celebrate his independence from eating macrobiotic polenta in a bowl of pretentious stew. Via Us Weekly:

Asked by host Steve Wright if he’s still a vegetarian, Martin replied, “Well, not really,” prompting Wright to say, “What do you mean ‘not really’?”
“Well, I eat meat,” the British singer answered, laughing. “I was vegetarian for quite a long time and then for various reasons I changed. My daughter’s vegetarian since she was born, so I keep getting tempted to go back. I don’t eat very much meat.”
Pressed for more, Martin explained, “I felt like you should only eat something that you’d be able to kill…You know, could you kill a fish? I wouldn’t like it, but I probably could, so I’ll eat the fish. But a giraffe…”

As for what his new, killable diet consists of, Chris Martin has created several tasty dishes using only Gwyneth Paltrow and badly wounded kittens. He hopes to expand to a squirrel that fell off the roof the other day.

Vantagenews/AKM-GSI