Chris Martin Is Banging Alexa Chung Already

May 14th, 2014 // 28 Comments
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Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced their conscious uncoupling barely two months ago, so that’s more than enough time for him to start up showing up at bars with Alexa Chung. Radar reports:

An eyewitness noticed the Brits together in a New York City bar on May 6, and as the couple got cozy over beers, it certainly didn’t seem like a business meeting.
“When I arrived, about 9:15pm, they were tucked away in a dark corner of the back room of the bar,” a source told Britain’s Heat magazine.
Martin 37, and Chung, 30, were on what “looked like a date,” according to the report.
“I spotted them straight away and asked Chris ‘Are you a singer?’ He just laughed and said ‘Yes, but not tonight,” the eyewitness said.

As for how Gwyneth’s taking all this, get back to her when Chris Martin’s done lying with peasants like a common cobbler:

Paltrow, 41, shouldn’t be surprised by the news, since the insider claims she is fully aware of the relationship — and isn’t threatened by the younger woman.
“She’s been telling people she ‘doesn’t care’ because she’s a big star and Alexa isn’t even on TV anymore,” the insider said.

“Alexa Chung? I can buy and sell that little trollop like so many Peruvian finger anklets. Never trifle me with the affairs of mortals again, do you hear me? Now fetch the screenplay for the latest Man of Iron film. I require dutiful preparation before performing cinema. Dutiful. Preparation. *reads* ‘Pepper returns home to find Tony playfully mounting a female power suit.’ Ha! It’s as Shakespearean as it ribald. I should only hope the Academy’s ready for such art.”

Photos: Getty


  1. Alexa Chung
    Commented on this photo:

    Would you waste time getting into this? I wouldn’t.

  2. malaka

    i think the aaron rodgers olivia munn story is way sexier.
    albeit maybe not as funny.

  3. This chick is the biggest musician groupie whore ever. I think she only dates exclusively musicians, even if they are shitty musicians.

  4. Already? I think you mean “still”.

  5. Sorta looks like Toyota Jan, whom I’d also bang in the back of a Camry.

  6. Well, that’s unexpected. Betcha he calls her “Alex”, though.


  8. ace11

    Chris Martin sounds like a play boy

  9. Alexa Chung
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s attractive, and assuming she doesn’t insist on the kids speaking only in Latin when she’s around, this seems like a win for Chris Martin.

  10. Hey good for Chris. It’s probably a nice change of pace for foreplay to not include removing the hand-carved Brazilian Rosewood stick from her ass.

  11. Really...?

    She’s posh and skinny, so clearly his type.

    What I can’t believe Chris is only 37….kinda looks like something sucked the life out of him eh. Not that I’m pointing any fingers here.

  12. Spanky Mulrooney's ex-brother in law

    So, what’s so Chung about her???

    • If only there were some sort of online encyclopedia where you could learn more about her, maybe a mention of her parents’ heritage early in the item…

      • Or better yet, a search engine or two with weird names that don’t really mean anything in the English language, search engines so easy to use you could just type the question you wanted right in the browser and find out the information. Damn, I hope we get this futuristic technology soon.

  13. PassingTrue

    Seems to be rebounding (er, recoupling) nicely. I’m sure we’ll see Gwen’s recoupled self shortly. Undoubtedly it will involve a deep thinking artist, who has a deep sense of social justice and owns a hedge fund somewhere.

  14. After enjoying a few beers in a bar, Martin was later spotted buying a hot dog (extra mustard) and a Sno-Cone from street vendors. Sources report that he seemed giddy to the point of incoherence, occasionally shouting out “I’m free!” and “Edamame, Shmedamame!”

  15. thebutlerdidit

    “Already” is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. He’s been banging her at least a year. People have seen them together in the UK forever. No surprise to The Poopster. Skinny, uptight and humorless. It’s what turns on bland, sexless, shit music making, Martin.Zzzzzzz

  16. Alexa Chung
    Veronika Larsson
    Commented on this photo:

    This one deserves a song (to the tune of You Oughta Know):

    A younger version of me
    Is she controlling like me
    Does she cook you organic quinoa for dinner?
    It’s a slap in the face
    How quickly I was replaced
    And are you thinking of me
    When you shop organically
    I’m sure she’d make a really excellent groupie

    Yeah, sorry, I have a hangover, not my best.

  17. kery

    Alexa Chung is better than Gwyneth and obviously younger ;)

  18. This guy must simply hate tits.

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