Chris Martin Cheated On Gwyneth Paltrow With A Lowly Commoner

April 7th, 2014 // 9 Comments
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While Gwyneth Paltrow had the quiet poise and sophistication to conduct her affairs with captains of industry, Chris Martin has reportedly debased himself by sleeping with a common peasant. Page Six reports:

NBC staff have been buzzing about an affair Martin had after appearing as the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live“ in 2011 with Coldplay. Martin also made an appearance on “Weekend Update” with Fred Armisen and Kristin Wiig as Garth & Kat.
One source tells us the girl in question was an assistant on the show, while another NBC source explained, “He had an affair with a woman who was backstage and was part of an entourage. Everyone was talking about it because he was openly flirting with her at one of the show after-parties.”

An assistant? Ewwww. I bet she has scurvy. Which probably explains why Gwyneth Paltrow’s rep threw Chris Martin right under the mass transit contraption where he belongs:

While a rep for Martin didn’t get back to us, he has strongly denied other rumored affairs. Paltrow’s spokesman said, “I don’t rep Chris so I cannot address those accusations.”

What happened to all the conscious uncoupling and two souls on a spiritual journey talk? I thought this was a transcendental union free of petty quibbles and non-macrobiotic flim-flam? The two of are you comporting yourselves like downright penny grocers. Filthy, filthy penny grocers on Uncouth Lane. I shan’t have it!

Photos: Splash News


  1. It’s fun to see Miss bourgeois get reminded that she’s a commoner like the rest of us.

  2. JC

    There’s only one way for this to go, and that’s straight into the gutter. I eagerly await the revelation that, in lieu of readily available sex toys made from cruelty-free cypress harvested from the grounds of a Tibetan temple, Gwyneth once used Apple as a butt plug.

  3. JimBB

    How could he expose their children to commoner germs like that?!?!? She probably doesn’t even import her cheese!

  4. ace11

    Say what you want…but that is one banging body

    Martin probably couldn’t handle it

  5. Jeffrey S. Keith

    I would hit that definitely I have always fancied a foursome with sexy Gwyneth,Candace Swanepoel,and Maria Sharapova,that would be so freaking amazing!

  6. Mary

    Wow, she looks amazing, can’t really say that about Chris Martin, who is pretty fugly honestly and his music sucks. I bet she is glad she got rid of him.

  7. Harold

    no she is weak miserable old white uptight b*tch
    Not amazing

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