Captain America is Going Bald

June 8th, 2011 // 34 Comments

And apparently getting ready for the Top Gun remake. “I’m here for the gay volleyball.”

For some reason Chris Evans felt that a month before his massive summer blockbuster premieres would be a great time to tell E!’s Marc Malkin he’s going bald just in case enough people didn’t think he was horribly miscast as Captain America:

“I have no problem saying this, but I’m losing my hair,” he said at the MTV Movie Awards.
Here’s the deal: Evans is signed up for three Captain America flicks and three Avengers movies. “The fear is this [role] can span 10 years so I can be doing this character until I’m 40,” he explained. “I’m supposed to be like this superior human. He can’t be balding…How horrible would it be if this superior man has male pattern baldness?”

While the immediate reaction is “Celebrities, they’re just like us,” keep in mind that male pattern baldness to the rich and famous is like the common cold to us normies. Just take a look at Jeremy Piven. In 1993, almost 20 years ago, he was balding to the point that he was cast as a fictionalized version of George Costanza on Seinfeld. Now he looks like a man with a slightly thinning head of luxurious hair because celebrities can fall off the face of the Earth for months and do nothing as their insanely priced transplant takes hold. We, on the other hand, get to drunkenly tell each other we’ll just shave it off “Bruce Willis-style” before sitting in the garage with the car running perhaps a little too long when we get home. “Oh, hey, honey, I was, uh, just listening to Journey. ‘Faithfully,’ woot!” *stealthily wipes away tear*

Photo: Getty, WENN


  1. JofaMang

    This guy is extremely uncool, or his grandma dresses him. Either way, lame.

  2. Tom Achight

    Any ACTUAL stories or just these unheard of actors/actresses from superhero comicbook remakes??? Worst part is, I can’t actually see ANY baldness whatsoever!!! I’m coming to this site less and less often.

    • TomFrank

      The guy himself says he’s losing his hair, but you can’t see any baldness so you kinda accuse Fish of making things up. O-kay.

      • Abby Normal

        It is so amusing when people waste time complaining that reading something was a waste of their time.

      • Burrito Supreme

        Succumb to my booty dance of ownage!

      • Robo-Jihad

        “Fish” should have less hi-res glamor shots of this goof unless they pertain to what the post is about… Oh that’s right, you need them for PC monitor cumshot facial time right Tom…. O-kay.

  3. It had to be said

    Captain America is a weird dude anyway. I mean, he fights Nazis, but the surroundings are all modern . . . and doesn’t Indiana Jones basically have the Nazis on their heels at this point?

    • Duh

      America is run by Nazi’s and has been since after WWII, when the United States brought Nazi scientists over here in Project Paperclip. Wake up.

  4. Lacy

    It’s better than John Travolta or all of the other celebs going out of their way to hide their balding.

  5. Bucky Barnes

    He’s delusional if he thinks anybody gives a shit whether the same actor fills the role every time. There’s a different Batman every few years and it doesn’t matter, they all suck. They can cast Dakota Fucking Fanning as Captain America for all I care.

    • Greg

      Yeah, because Christian Bale has sucked as batman and certainly isn’t indispensable to the series’s continuity… oh wait.

      Within a self contained trilogy, that will also serve as the main set up for the avengers movie, you need the same actor. We’re talking about sequels here, not just different incarnations of a character over decades.

      Also, if you don’t care, then why comment? I’ve never seen someone so unnecessarily angry be so wrong at the same time.

  6. Chris Evans Bald MTV Movie Awards
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:


  7. MarkM

    There’s no way he can play Captain America if he’s losing his hair! Can you imagine watching any of the Die Hard movies if Bruce Willis ever started losing HIS hair!?!

  8. Chris Evans Bald MTV Movie Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    The juice makes you go bald…

  9. Hair shmair. Just wait until his iphone pics come out the week before the premiere.

  10. American Bandersnatch

    “three Captain America flicks and three Avengers movies”. That seems optimistic.

  11. Bill

    Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern will be bald first. His hair has receded more.

  12. Venom

    I don’t know what to make of this guy.
    He is OK, but he is not that great an actor.
    He seems like one of those guys that Hollywood decided is going to be the next star whether we like him or not and they are going to give a ton of movies to, kind of like Shia LeBoeuf.

  13. Johnny Cage

    I don’t see how he’s losing his hair. He’s a got a good 2nd World War aviator bush on his head. For the most part I thought if you made it through your 20s with your dew, then you were set to have it for life.

  14. They should’ve got Randy Couture.
    I mean duh… he already is Captain America.

  15. Dan

    Naw… he always looks like he is trying too hard.

  16. He’ll be ready to be cast as Mr. Clean in no time.

  17. Nothing more American than that.

  18. fooey

    they should have just got Robert Downey Jr to play all of the parts

  19. Ed

    Yay! Celebrities are imperfect too! I feel better about myself now!!!

    O, and long as he doesn’t lose his bankroll he’ll always be a hit with the LA ladies.

  20. Jovy

    Isn’t Captain America supposed to be attractive and not dressed like an old pilot?

  21. Chris Evans Bald MTV Movie Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    The sadness.. he is so cute. Well he could be like the other actor who shaves his head in that Transporter Movie, Jason S. ** Weeping**

  22. peter north

    I dont see it, but if hes saying it maybe theres some cover up blended in there. Or hes just paranoid. Now Piven on the other hand is fucked

  23. Moira

    I Can see it now Headline Breakdown. Fear it self Comics Trash. We Are in war world 2. Nyc. Two Caps THere on break in Mexico.SF. Watcher He Watching Headlines News. MS. Laughing. HA AHa ahh Modork. Monkeees V My friend We Lost in Nyc, Trying to find Watcher. Captain Side kick Becky. Back from the dead.Sf.I don’t get no fear.

  24. Chuck Bass

    Just give him hair plugs, a chin implant and get his teeth capped and he’ll be fine. It worked for Ben Affleck 20 years ago!

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