Chris Brown’s Forgiven, Everybody

Apparently we live in a world populated entirely by amnesiacs with Down Syndrome, because people cannot shut up this morning about how Chris Brown is “back” after his teary-eyed Michael Jackson tribute at the BET Awards last night. Except, surprise, Chris Brown was really crying about how happy he is to not go shit-house poor. Hollywood Life reports:

In addition to his onstage meltdown, the REAL waterworks occurred backstage, can exclusively report. “This night saved my life, and my career. Thank you for everything,” he told pal Ray J backstage. The men hugged twice before Chris started welling up once again. Our eyewitness adds that his tears were genuine, and he seemed both relieved and elated to finally have his career back on track.

If Chris Brown has successfully emulated any of Michael Jackson’s talents, it’s the ability to garner fans so delusional they’d let you shoot them in the face for half an autograph. Thanks to these marvels of the human condition, I now know it’s perfectly acceptable to beat the shit out of a woman provided you bust out a sweet dance number after the fact. It’s almost genius when you think about it, except don’t or your brain will literally light itself on fire. “He danced just like a child molester, therefore he’s innocent. — Could you excuse me for a second?” *foooooossshh*

Photos: Pacific Coast News