You’ll Believe A Woman-Beater Can Fly

August 29th, 2011 // 58 Comments

Thanks to a fanbase of young girls who are all too eager to accept that a woman has it coming to earn the favor of their beloved idol, Chris Brown was invited to perform on last night’s VMAs where someone thought it’d be an awesome idea to make him fly. Because that’s what’s missing from today’s woman-beaters: The power of flight. Maybe next we can give him laser eyes or claws like Wolverine. “So, ma’am, you’re telling us your boyfriend shot you with laser beams, stabbed you with indestructible hand knives then flew out the window? Let me ask you this before I continue, he’s a good dancer? Because we’re gonna have to let him go if he is. It’s a silly law, but we like it.”

Photos: Getty / Video: MTV.com

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  1. Chris Brown VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    He is really rocking the Urkel pants.

  2. Chris Brown VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Bitch! Don’t make me come over there and put five across your eye.

  3. stevebeagle

    tool bag of the 1st order

  4. OnTheRealThough

    He’s a douche, but his performance was pretty cool.

    The stage lights were great.

  5. Chris Brown VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Downward trajectory, headed straight for Rihanna’s face.

  6. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Urkel in a fine-ass white suit!

  7. What an awesome performance. Lip synching AND auto tune. This guy is a true talent.

  8. I’d rather see the dick-beater die.

  9. Deacon Jones

    I missed the VMAs last night. I can proudly state I havent watched them in, shit, 7,8 years.

    But I have one question – Was he crapping in his hand and throwing it at the people watching him?

  10. Josh

    Can’t lie, his performance was one of the best of the night. That said, the VMAs are always shit. Thank the producers and the songwriters that made you hits, cos you didn’t do a damn thing. And Britney Spears winning an award with Michael Jacksons name on it is a travesty that cannot be forgiven.

    • JC

      I confess, I didn’t watch, but given the line up of performers, I’m assuming that “Chris Brown had the best performance” is the logical equivalent of “That long, taupe-colored turd was the prettiest turd I shat this morning. Look at its sinuous curves, its subtle variations in color. That round little pebble-looking turd never had a chance.”

  11. Uncle Phil

    Since CB is shown here in the “love swing”, can I assume Beiber is just off camera preparing his “snake” for a rear-entry?

  12. brit

    A missed opportunity for the crowd to use him as a pinata

  13. DBag

    Douche-Bag. That is all.

  14. Haha...funny

    Legend write up dude, the pic is even funnier though:

    “Here I come, dick first so all you bitches can suck it!”

    That’s some real chivilary right there.

  15. what could more manly than a 40s style wifey beatdown? fluttering over a stage like tinkerbell wasn’t my first guess

  16. Chris Brown VMAs
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    Why didn’t they just re-enact the fight scene from Street Fighter the Movie with Chris Brown as Raul Julia and Rhianna as Jean Claude Van Damme?

  17. forrest gump

    pssst: HE’S HEADING FOR HELL, folks.

  18. Chris Brown VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Tonight at the VMA’s, Chris Brown will attempt the ever popular feet first entry into Lady Gaga’s stinkhole.

  19. kimmykimkim

    Hate this guy! Why the fuck did they even ask him to perform? I mean yeah he’s a good dancer but he didn’t sing a GodDamn note. Not a single one. And don’t even give me that dancing and singing is hard bullshit. Two words for you: Lady GaGa’s Grammy’s performance of Born This Way… that was more like 8 words, but my point is, this guy is a lazy motherfucking pussy with a yeast infection. It’s called practice you stupid piece of shit. And what the fuck was with the Smells Like Teen Spirit bit that he did? Seriously? Get your nasty woman beating, on the downlow fuckery away from my precious Nirvana. That is sacred territory you little bitch.

  20. Linxx

    great performance

  21. Hey Hick Fuck You

    How much dick did you and your sister suck to get such a deal?

    • Uncle Phil

      This is funny because the spam that you were responding to is gone. Now you just look like a crazy person.

  22. Frank Burns

    Is he trying to represent himself as an angel descending from heaven?

  23. This picture was taken mere seconds before he back handed another woman.

  24. Venom

    This chick I know said that he looked like a giant tampon being bounced around.
    That was the funniest shit I heard all day.
    It would have been nice if the operator dropped him from the sky and rid us of this asshole once and for all.

  25. bitingontinfoil

    See? Pigs CAN fly!

  26. Chris Brown VMAs
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    At this point of the VMAs, Rianna curled up in the fetal position.

  27. diddleysquat

    What’s that? He viciously beat his girlfriend? Can he make us money? Sure…invite him back.

  28. I guess every single female performer there must condone what this asshole did not to come out and say something. Missed opportunity, Gaga.

  29. Marcellus Wallace

    I always thought he was a little light in the loafers

  30. Tyrell Jackson

    What a brother doin up in the air ?
    Boy, aint you got no sense?

  31. Ty Webb

    Is that Tinkerbelle? That makes him a fairy!

  32. Tony D'Annunzio

    Ready to take it in the ass from Juston Bieber

  33. Travis Bickel

    I gotta feelin he gonna land in Fairytown

  34. Chris Brown VMAs
    Travis Bickel
    Commented on this photo:

    Fairy “Jazz Hands”

  35. Chris Brown VMAs
    Evilgeniusnz
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey looks it’s Black Pee Wee Herman!

  36. Chris Brown VMAs
    Evilgeniusnz
    Commented on this photo:

    Again Chris Brown finds his career hanging by a thread haha…no seriously they just did this so he wouldn’t beat the females in the crowd.

  37. Chris Brown VMAs
    kerri
    Commented on this photo:

    Too bad he didn’t have one of those wrestler-killing wire malfunctions.

  38. anonym

    damn. I was hoping the cables would fail, and Chris would fall to his death.

  39. Now if only those hooks were going through his testicles, I’d print this one and have it framed.

  40. tlmck

    Planking.

  41. nela

    Awww sh!t…shoulda hired the same technicians from Spiderman The Musical

  42. Clown Shoes

    “For those of you who wanted to see Chris Brown hang, I give you…”

  43. princess party pants

    lord, saying this asshole’s “performance” was the best one of the night, is kinda of like saying he’s the smartest kid on the short bus. chris brown needs to not exist. and MTV can suck it for giving him a forum.

  44. dontkillthemessenger

    The performance was very good.

  45. UncleDenial

    A bit of topic, but he really reminds me of Danny DeVito’s Penguin in that main shot.

  46. Elf

    That suit can’t be very convenient. Do you know how hard it is to get the blood stains from a white dress after beating up your date? Do you?

  47. bitingontinfoil

    the biggest shocker here is that he’s not grabbing his dick.

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