You’ll Believe A Woman-Beater Can Fly

Thanks to a fanbase of young girls who are all too eager to accept that a woman has it coming to earn the favor of their beloved idol, Chris Brown was invited to perform on last night’s VMAs where someone thought it’d be an awesome idea to make him fly. Because that’s what’s missing from today’s woman-beaters: The power of flight. Maybe next we can give him laser eyes or claws like Wolverine. “So, ma’am, you’re telling us your boyfriend shot you with laser beams, stabbed you with indestructible hand knives then flew out the window? Let me ask you this before I continue, he’s a good dancer? Because we’re gonna have to let him go if he is. It’s a silly law, but we like it.”

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