And of course the white girl’s the one wiping her ass on the glass. We truly are the master race.
Here’s Chris Brown partying with what I can only assume were the only strippers he could get a hold of on short notice yesterday in Miami, but to really put these pics in perspective, let’s take a look at we learned about him this week:
1. He tries to pick up women by promising not to beat them. An approach that more than likely blew up in his face but only for horrible, horrible reasons that makes you think maybe one of these religions should bomb us all back to the stone age so humanity can start anew.
2. He snuck into Rihanna’s birthday party and appears on her new single because what better way to boost sales than for her to gain back his audience that thinks she shouldn’t have called the cops just because he slammed her head repeatedly into a glass window, punched her until her mouth filled with blood before biting her and leaving her for dead, and he can gain back her audience that hates him for all that stuff I just said. “Young girls are learning abuse is okay? Who cares? MONEY FOR EVERYONE! WHEEE!” (Full Disclosure: I’m still going to look at Rihanna if she does more of that butt sex stuff.)
Coupled with these pics, does anyone of this sound like Chris Brown still has a girlfriend? Not counting that he’s gay. Then again, he could just be hanging with his boys that demanded a hotel room full of swamp strippers (So no one figures out they’re gay, too, of course.) which is why I added some R. Kelly below to help Chris navigate this delicate situation. Sure, I razz the kid about being a violent, pissy little bitch that should’ve gone to jail, but at the end of the day, I don’t want to see him get mad and kill anybody because he’s a violent, pissy little bitch that should’ve gone to jail. It’s a game we like to play.
NOTE: If there’s one thing in this world I believe in without a shadow of a doubt, it’s that this is how R. Kelly argues with women on the phone. Beats and everything.