Chris Brown Is A Snitch

If I learned anything from The Wire it’s don’t be snitchin’ or Marlo will burn your house and foster mom down. (See, also: Turnin’ into zombies, Chris and Snoop.) I also learned don’t be shootin’ no grandmas in their Sunday crowns which, now that I think about it, is probably the more practical advice. Anyway, here’s Chris Brown demonstrating he has not seen the finest drama to ever air on television and is also a bitch. TMZ reports:

We’re told Chris’ lawyer, Mark Geragos, went to the NYPD late today to present evidence showing that Drake and Meek Mill were the aggressors, but earlier in the day Chris spoke with Detectives at an undisclosed location in NYC. Cops tell us Chris is not currently a suspect but rather “a witness and a victim.”

Dude, I’m so white I glow in the dark and even I know you never talk to the police. And now everyone knows the “independent witness” in this RadarOnline report saying “Drake started it” was you giving it up because Lance Reddick brought you some grape soda and a motherfuckin’ Snickers. What part of Randy ain’t got no moms no more didn’t you understand?

“Independent eyewitnesses have told detectives from the New York Police Department that Drake absolutely started the fight by throwing a bottle at Chris,” a source close to law enforcement tells “It was intended to hit Chris and no other person. None of this would have happened if Drake hadn’t thrown the bottle. It was extremely loud in the club and there was a lot of yelling. Once Drake threw the bottle at Chris all hell broke loose. There is no evidence that Chris instigated the brawl, he only acted in self defense and he got out of the club as quickly as possible.”

You know, Chris, a wise man by the name of Omar once said, “How you expect to run with the wolves come night when you spend all day sparring with the puppies?” Best you think on that. Best you think on that hard.

Photos: Getty, INFdaily, Splash News