Chris Brown is Starring in Romantic Comedies Now. Of Course.

July 20th, 2011 // 74 Comments

“You had me at ‘hello.’ Which is why I’m touching my dick.”

Because love sometimes means bashing your girlfriend’s head into a door then biting her ear and neck, Chris Brown will star in the new romantic comedy Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, according to The Fab Life:

Headed our way April 6, 2012, the film reportedly follows “four interconnected and diverse friends [that] have their love lives shaken up after the women they are pursuing buy Steve Harvey’s book and start taking his advice to heart. When the band of brothers find out that they have been betrayed by one of their own, they conspire to use the book’s teachings to turn the tables.”

All jokes aside, here’s why this is genius casting:

1. Chris Brown fans are the most retarded people on the planet.
2. People who enjoy romantic comedies are the second most retarded.

If the filmmakers can somehow develop a technology that simultaneously punches these people in the face before wrapping everything up in the third act in a tidy, non-realistic package (Read: “OMG! They got married in a lavish wedding even though they take almost everyday off work to stare forlornly out windows and/or chase each other through a dog park!”), it’d do 800 times the box office of the last Harry Potter. 900 if it includes Betty White.

Photo: INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. He’s wearing his “Ladysmacker” gloves.

  2. Chris Brown
    Dingus
    Commented on this photo:

    He is also debuting his knew pimp hand gloves.

  3. chris

    what a herb

  4. Bless you fish, but you’re showing your youth–love is NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY. besides, what woman can’t resist a pink bow tie.

  5. DogBoy

    Kanye laughs at how much of a douche this guy is.

  6. DogBoy

    Outfit = Parking attendant at a gay S&M club

  7. Venom

    Ain’t no way this fucking idiot is straight with an outfit like that on.
    I swear a blind clown dresses this jackass.

  8. Stuart Le Chiffere

    Constant touching of your penis has a inner meaning , like he wants to have animal ass sex sex constantly

    • Lemmiwinks

      Things To Do List: subcategory “Before Dinner,” entry: “have animal ass sex sex.”
      There, done. Thanks very much for the reminder.

  9. Uncle Phil

    Time for another 100 barely readable comments about how racist we all are and how jealous we all are of CB.

  10. UnholyKrep

    Oh, wouldn’t it be great if he was in a musical? He could sing “I’m gonna smack that bitch right outta my car”!

  11. Chris Brown
    Commented on this photo:

    Winding up to give a demonstration of how he shows the bitches his pimp hand.

  12. Steelerchick

    That’s one big cock ring he has on his hand. Must be for his boyfriend.

  13. Chris Brown
    Commented on this photo:

    “You see…I hold her head down like this…then I smack the bitch in the head with this a) hammer b)coconut c)wooden spoon d)belt buckle

  14. Vivian

    Looks like he’s praying to God not to let anyone know the real size of his penis.

  15. Chris Brown
    Commented on this photo:

    Behind every flamboyant in the closet black man is a white girl that says it with her eyes : “That is one queer mother fucker.”

  16. Derp

    The guy is an obvious tool for many reasons, but good lord get over it already.

    Bringing up a tired topic that’s what, 2+ years old in a sad attempt to display morality to your 5 female readers isn’t going to get you pussy, champ.

    Using similar logic, anyone that reads this: If you made a stupid decision at the cost of your, or someone elses well being. You are a menace to society. You will never learn. You will forever be broken, and unable to make rational decisions ever again. You should never, ever be forgiven. I don’t care if you stole a chocolate bar as a kid, or raped a bitch. You’re a fucking sad, pathetic loser. Accept it. Deal with it.

    Right? Uh huh.

    • Joshua

      Beating someone to a bloody pulp is not simply a “stupid decision.: Only person would feel that way is a wife beater themselves.

    • Umm

      I am so happy somebody here gets it. Now that I have read your comment, I realize that there are people who can see what’s going on.

    • Venom

      Beating the living shit out of another human being and throwing a chair at a plate glass window high up in the air with hundreds of people walking below is definitely the same as stealing a chocolate bar.

      I find it interesting that you think raping a woman is as innocuous a crime as stealing a chocolate bar…

    • Lou Dobbs

      Yeah get over the fact that Chris Brown beat the crap out of a woman. It was like two whole years ago. Gosh people are so touchy when it comes to beating defenseless women who are half your size. We should all forgive Chris Brown (his boyfriend already has) and treat him as a hero.

      Sorry Derp anyone who beats the tar out of a women should just go away. No one should give Chris Brown money. I hope Chris Brown becomes a homeless meth addict; then Chris Brown is arrested for prostitution (to feed his drug habit) and then becomes someone’s b*tch in prison and is beaten hourly until he is no longer alive.

    • kimmykimkim

      Derp: I really don’t think Fish gives a fuck about showing morality to anyone let alone females.

    • I’ll stop talking shit about Chris Brown when I see pictures show up online where someone tried to cave his fucking skull in for no goddamn good reason by smashing his stupid fucking face into a nice hard object.

      Until then, he will remain a no good, egotistical, woman beating piece of shit who deserves to be called out on being the little bitch that he is.

      And his music is horrible.

    • TomFrank

      I dare you to make this “stupid decision” comment on the next Casey Anthony post.

  17. Chris Brown
    Thankyousirmayidoucheanother
    Commented on this photo:

    Chris Brown performs on stage the same way he follows his career path – in a constant state of falling.

  18. not only is he chris brown, but chris’s brown. ah i love that joke.

  19. LJ

    Betty White can play the foster mother who rescues Chris from a household where he is regularly beaten (so his fans can rationalise his behaviour), she could then die halfway through the movie (so Chris’ fans can watch him cry glycerine tears).

  20. Geand Dragon

    Remember the episode of “All in the Family” where Archie and his lodge brothers dressed up in blackface for a mistrel show?

    CB looks like that here.

    http://whgbetc.com/mind/black-white-minstrel-show.jpg

  21. Grand Dragon

    I can’t type today.

    Geand = Grand

    mistrel = minstrel

  22. Chris Brown
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why the fuck did you make me forget where I parked my car, bitch?”

  23. Chris Brown
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry, tryouts for the Special Olympics t-ball team are in the next studio over.

  24. Because nothing says romance like a busted lip and 2 black eyes.

    “I love you bitch, even when you make me smash your face in.”

  25. Move:
    Fist of Jesus.

    Okay, you guys do the rest.

  26. Chris Brown

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you’ve already told her twice.

  27. rican

    He’s waiting for Ricky Martin to piss on him

  28. pooper

    what a gay boon!

  29. Jock McCrock

    hmmm… the tattoo’d sleeves say wannabe MS-16 gang member, the pink bow tie screams Dick Van Dyke, and those gloves scream Rue Paul. I think I speak for the world when I say that this “look” doesn’t hang together.

  30. Those gloves just scream orgy with Thing and the gloves of Daft Punk and Michael Jackson.

  31. CranAppleSnapple

    God he’s ugly.
    Quite apart from being a soulless asshole who doesn’t deserve to live, he’s just plain ugly in the face. Shudder.

  32. The only way this can be a good idea is if the chick he tries to hit is Madea. No matter the outcome, that’s win/win.

  33. Glassman

    I think Chris Brown whips a$$.

  34. JN

    Y’all can’t hold a brotha down. LOL!

  35. Allison Wunderlan

    What you don’t see is that behind him, there are a bunch of 12 year olds shooting water into a clowns mouth trying to win a stuffed Scooby Doo doll.

  36. MrsWrong

    It’s not his fault. He’s actually quite a romantic conditioned by his family for not only love and theater, but dick grabbing and violence. It’s an insider secret that during the 80′s he was adopted by a gay couple and raised during his most impressionable years. Those two men were Wesley Snipes and Mike Tyson.

  37. Carolyn

    He’s an ugly pig and his stupid ass synthesized “music” stinks. Some of those morons in the Today Show audience slept on the street last week so they could be up front to see this douche in the morning. Pathetic.

  38. Chris Brown
    CB-H8r
    Commented on this photo:

    Why oh why does anyone give a shit about this LOSER? He should be locked up in a steel cell and have his anal cavity probed with 10,000 volts every 60 seconds, you woman beating LOSER!

  39. Gringo

    Looks like Steve Urkel got into the LSD again.

  40. Chris Brown
    Donald Trump
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey queer – Lady Gaga wants her gloves back.

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