“You had me at ‘hello.’ Which is why I’m touching my dick.”
Because love sometimes means bashing your girlfriend’s head into a door then biting her ear and neck, Chris Brown will star in the new romantic comedy Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, according to The Fab Life:
Headed our way April 6, 2012, the film reportedly follows “four interconnected and diverse friends [that] have their love lives shaken up after the women they are pursuing buy Steve Harvey’s book and start taking his advice to heart. When the band of brothers find out that they have been betrayed by one of their own, they conspire to use the book’s teachings to turn the tables.”
All jokes aside, here’s why this is genius casting:
1. Chris Brown fans are the most retarded people on the planet.
2. People who enjoy romantic comedies are the second most retarded.
If the filmmakers can somehow develop a technology that simultaneously punches these people in the face before wrapping everything up in the third act in a tidy, non-realistic package (Read: “OMG! They got married in a lavish wedding even though they take almost everyday off work to stare forlornly out windows and/or chase each other through a dog park!”), it’d do 800 times the box office of the last Harry Potter. 900 if it includes Betty White.