Chris Brown Got Kicked Out of Rehab For Throwing A Rock At His Mom’s Car Window

November 21st, 2013 // 53 Comments
Arrested Again
Chris Brown
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Let’s start from the beginning. Three weeks ago, Chris Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting a man for photobombing him – Yup. – then preemptively checked himself into rehab for anger management to try and duck violating his probation. Barely two weeks later, Chris’ lawyer told everyone he voluntarily checked himself out to finish the community service he was ordered to complete after getting caught faking his community service in Virginia that was part of his sentence for beating the shit out of Rihanna. Which actually sounded reasonable to me at the time because no one ordered Chris Brown to go to rehab, it was a transparent Hail Mary to duck going to jail, and he legitimately had community service to complete. So naturally it turned out he was kicked out of the facility for throwing a rock through his mom’s car window because Chris Brown is a violent shithead. TMZ reports:

We just got hold of the probation report in the Rihanna case, which outlines what happened during his 13 days in a Malibu rehab joint for anger management counseling.
According to the report, Chris’ mom showed up for a family session and was urging her son to stay in the facility for extended treatment. Apparently, Chris violently disagreed with her and in a fit of anger threw a rock through her car window, shattering it.

Fortunately, this was a smart move by Chris Brown because by telling his mom to fuck off and chucking a rock at car like a goddamn two-year-old to prove he doesn’t need anger management, he was court ordered yesterday to serve 90 days in a live-in rehab for exactly that. Because the thing you don’t know about Breezy is, he plays three-dimensional chess.

Brown and his lawyer, Mark Geragos, were just in court for a progress report in the Rihanna beating case. TMZ broke the story … the Probation Dept. notified the judge that Brown flew into yet another violent rage while he was in a Malibu rehab joint for anger management, and was thrown out of the facility after only 2 weeks. The Probation Dept. recommended live-in anger management rehab.
The judge agreed with Probation, and ordered Brown to check into a facility for 90 days, and the facility must be in L.A. County and approved by Probation.

What’s even more hilarious is just three days before going to court, Chris Brown showed up to a charity event for the Philippines to show what a philanthropist he is, so clearly you’re just hurting the world by locking Breezy up. Who else is going to wear a shirt that says “destroy” around typhoon victims? Shit, you think Drake‘s going to front that kind of sensitivity and sophistication? Bitch, I’ll throw a rock at your car window. I mean, your honor.

Photos: Phamous/AKM-GSI

superficial

  1. hopefully this guy dies in time for a tearful tribute musical performance at the grammys.

    • Rasputin's Evil Twin

      Tears of joy and relief, of course. And a chorus of “Ding! Dong! The Bitch is Dead!” from the entire audience.

    • kimmykimkim

      No, but wait – if he dies he’ll become like a martyr to his fans. He’ll become more famous than ever. So really he just needs to go jail, where he can get his ass pounded all day like he likes, then somehow eventually become broke like MC Hammer and just fade into obscurity. For him this would be the worst thing ever. For us, it would be super awesome.

  2. Cock Dr

    Him & Zimmerman, in a cage, no weapons.
    Would they immediately kill one another with their bare hands, or would they be nuzzling & spooned together after a couple hours cowering in the corners from one another?

    • thats not quite fair since Zimmerman can’t maintain an erection without a firearm.

      • Cock Dr

        I’ll let others dwell on the more horrid intimate physical details of the arrangement.

      • Renzomatic

        Your screen name is “Cock Dr”, apparently its okay for you to make US have to think of your weird proclivities.

      • Dox

        She could be a urologist….. or a venereologist, or a sexologist, or even a Oncologist that deals specifically with Prostate cancer, or a therapist that deals with penis fetishes, Ooo.. or a faith healer dealing solely with sexual dysfunction (that would have to be slightly awkward.), or a Shaman whose totem is the male genitalia (although I have yet to ever hear of the great penis spirit……), or she could be a PHD in penile studies…..

        Or.. she could be a veterinarian with a specialty in Roosters.

        I mean, its literally an endless list of things that could account for such a moniker.

        Although it is telling, that you choose to go directly for a sexual connotation. Tell me, do you often visualize the penis?

      • Cock Dr

        Every night, every morning….sometimes all day on Sundays during the winter and/or bad weather.

  3. Mohawk Disco

    Now, now. For all we know that’s how they say ‘I love you’ in the Brown family. Why else would he beat Rihanna, the woman he loves?!

  4. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    If it weren’t for the fact that the oceans are such a mess already, I would be all in favor of burying this douchebag at sea, immediately. Anyone have an active volcano handy? Dropping him and Kanye from a plane into one works for me.

    • Satan's Right Hand

      Japan currently has one that has made a cute little island. Drop him, Kanye, The Kardashians, Zimmerman, Miley, and Lohan there. PARTY!!!

  5. Dox

    I find it interesting that there are two sets of rules. The rules that get applied for those with wealth and fame, and the rules that get applied to common individuals.

    What he did was willful destruction of property, which I’m pretty sure violates his probation. So what, pray tell, is the point of this farcical justice system if it is applied in such a manner that there is a set of rules for each economic bracket?

    Is not a violent, dangerous individual a violent and dangerous individual regardless of their income? And if “Anger Management” is an appropriate sentence for him, then why is it not an appropriate sentence for every individual that has attacked their wife, violated their probation, and thrown a rock through his mother’s window?

    I find the “idea” of justice in this country is becoming a laughable subject.

  6. Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    This funny cat video SICK, playa!

  7. Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yo, Chris, you gonna help with the fundraiser, or just watch the video for ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ all day?”
    “I had to take a break from Candy Crush. That shit is hard, yo!”

  8. josh

    What kind of shitty anger management rehab kicks someone out for getting angry though?

    • Sounds to me like a pretty good one. Walking in the door they tell you that if you act out while you’re there we’ll kick your ass out and you can talk to the judge.

      Since most people who go to “anger management” rehab are probably ducking jail time saying “We don’t take any shit from you for the next three months or you go to jail” probably keeps most folks focused on the program.

    • Dox

      Josh-
      I would venture its also in the severity of the outburst as well. Most programs expect some kind of emotional outlet. However, there is a significant difference between getting angry, and doing several thousand dollars of property damage.

      So yeah, clear boundaries have to be established, otherwise the clinic winds up enabling the patients behavior.

    • Jennyjenjen

      I suspect he was acting like the raging, uncontrollable maniac we know him to be. Probably lost his shit like he did after that morning TV interview where he trashed the dressing room and smashed their Times Square studio window.

    • Uh, the same type of drug rehab that kicks you out for using drugs while you’re in rehab. They don’t want people if they’re going to violate treatment conditions; it makes it harder to treat people who actually are there to work on their shit.

      • josh

        Good point, didn’t consider that. Also like someone above said; it makes sense that if people are there to duck going to jail they can’t be allowed to keep doing the stuff that got them there in the first place.

  9. What does it take to get this asshole thrown in prison where he belongs? Does he actually have to kill someone? How fucking shitty and corrupt are these judges in L.A.?

  10. j-sin

    Love how if this was a Zimmerman post, someone would threaten to leave the site and never come back (oh, the humanity!) but no complaints on the wall to wall coverage for Chris Brown. Deservedly so because he is a raging, hormonal douchefuck. But on that same token, so is George Zimmerman. So lets keep both stories coming!

    • One is “celebrity” bashing, one is *shudder* “political”.
      It’s supposed to be about celebrity fuckups and tits, so how dare Fish go around violating that sacred contract?!

  11. Deacon Jones

    That’s like my parents coming to see me in rehab for drinking, and I just start yelling “Im cured! Im cured!” and start chugging whiskey

  12. Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Prolly gonna regret this… but…

    Christine Mendoza… Gorgeous.
    The rest of you can pant away for your celebrities with explosive diarrhea, I’ll just take Christine, a small tropical island with a bungalow, and 1 1976 Henri Jayer.

  13. Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
    beaver eater
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Chris is suffering from a little PTSD. He looks like he’s about to clock that tart.

  14. Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
    Commented on this photo:

    That dude on the right is taking a big chance.

  15. Jade

    Why isn’t he in jail? I mean, how many chances are they going to keep giving him to fail and fail again.. and again.. and again.. ?

    • No Name

      He’s not in jail because he’s black. You can’t punish ANY black person for committing crimes anymore or else you’re labeled “racist”. Blacks are playing the race card more than ever these days. It gets them free passes out of jail. And when they don’t get what they want, they stomp and cry like little babies. Not to mention riot and loot. You don’t see any other minority behaving this way. This is why blacks continue to be the least successful group in America. Its not white the man holding them down anymore. They hold themselves down with their ignorance.

      • There are no black people in jail anymore or being put in jail anymore? What? Did you just read what you wrote? Please tell me where all these black people are that are getting free passes and not being punished for crimes? Are you telling me that if I visit the local jails and prisons all I will find is white people?

        U.S. Congressman Trey Radel just pleaded guilty to purchasing cocaine, guess where he is going, not to prison, he is not even losing his job. Trey Radel is a white man.

      • Dox

        Jef- honestly, explaining that water is wet, and the sky is blue to some people is a lost cause. Reality never enters into their small, cramped world. Its a matter of hate, and propagating a reason for their hate.

      • No Name

        LOL, yea, the only thing I “hate” are morons who refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Blacks did this (and still do it) with OJ Simpson too. They all claim he’s innocent and was framed by racists! Oh please. I speak the damn truth. I’m sick of the damn race card. No other minority plays it like they do.

  16. No Name

    Yet all the blackies will continue to defend this piece of shit soley because he’s black. Its no wonder blacks continue to fail at life.

    • You’re succeeding at life then?

    • Ahh, this comment reminds me of the good old Superficial days of yore, when actual bonafide white supremists commented on every single post featuring a black person, and there were long, long comment threads debating whether and to what extent blacks are human vs simian (they loved the word simian).

      • No Name

        LOL, yea, and therein lies the problem. Nobody can say a damn thing about a black person, no matter how true, because then you’re a racist or white supremacist. Yet no one gives two shits about the black supremacy infiltrating the US right now. And by the way, I’m not even white. I’m biracial. And white aint one of the races. People are allowed to speak the truth about blacks in the USA without being racists. Blacks even accused Bill Cosby of being a racist when he spoke out against them speaking ebonics. Grow up. You’re most likely some white liberal boob who just wants to be progressive no matter how ridiculous the topic.

      • But you didn’t say something about a black person, you said something about “all the blackies.” Hell, everyone on this thread has been rightfully SLAMMING Chris Brown, “a black person” and yet not sounding like white supremacists. I’m perfectly aware that there are a multitude of serious problems that black Americans need to address, nor do I doubt that some people are supporting this shit stain because he is black. For the record I’m black, and I don’t fit into any political ideology; I probably would have been considered middle of the road in the past, but everything is so divided and contentious these days that I’m just left to be an individual with some right leaning views and some liberal views. All that being said, I’m not the least bit offended by you, but here’s why you reminded me of the white supremacists and came off as racist (a word I don’t throw around a lot): 1) “the blackies” (and no I do not think it is OK for black people to use racial slurs, including “whitey.” 2) Here we have a nice post about this gloriously douchetastic, insane asshole, and you use it as an opportunity to jump in with a whole rant about how much black people suck (which is exactly what the white supremacists used to do, except with more use of the words monkey, ape and simian).

  17. Chris Brown needs a solid kick in the cunt.

  18. Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s pretty sexy.

    • Dox

      No. Pretty sexy is the dance of a thousand veils performed while your slightly buzzed from all the other people smoking hashish around you.

      Christine Mendoza, dancing (Just go search you tube.), is…. a…. holy fuck moment.

      With bedroom eyes, a slightly pouting smile and lips that beg to be kissed….

      This is beyond sexy. Sensual. Alluring. Breath taking. Soul Shattering. These are words that describe her.


      Holy shit, where did that come from?

  19. Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
    Ginger Failed
    Commented on this photo:

    If he was a poor, white rapper this shithead would be in jail.

  20. Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
    jive
    Commented on this photo:

    A crack rock?

  21. Jenn

    I think they should put a shock collar on him. Then allow people to bid on the chance to zap him if he acts a fool again. This way, it’ll raise money for charity and it’ll make that stupid shit he said about the public making him have seizures by negative thoughts sorta true. Everyone wins!!! Of course it should be filmed.

  22. Great recap. I have a hard time keeping track of whether he’s ditching court-ordered community service or ditching court-ordered rehab. And I’ve completely lost track of the assault charges. If I see a picture of him I just assume he’s already punched or about to punch the person standing next to him.

  23. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    Why aren’t there any posts today yet? Are Fish and Photo Boy dead? Did they die?

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