Let’s start from the beginning. Three weeks ago, Chris Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting a man for photobombing him – Yup. – then preemptively checked himself into rehab for anger management to try and duck violating his probation. Barely two weeks later, Chris’ lawyer told everyone he voluntarily checked himself out to finish the community service he was ordered to complete after getting caught faking his community service in Virginia that was part of his sentence for beating the shit out of Rihanna. Which actually sounded reasonable to me at the time because no one ordered Chris Brown to go to rehab, it was a transparent Hail Mary to duck going to jail, and he legitimately had community service to complete. So naturally it turned out he was kicked out of the facility for throwing a rock through his mom’s car window because Chris Brown is a violent shithead. TMZ reports:
We just got hold of the probation report in the Rihanna case, which outlines what happened during his 13 days in a Malibu rehab joint for anger management counseling.
According to the report, Chris’ mom showed up for a family session and was urging her son to stay in the facility for extended treatment. Apparently, Chris violently disagreed with her and in a fit of anger threw a rock through her car window, shattering it.
Fortunately, this was a smart move by Chris Brown because by telling his mom to fuck off and chucking a rock at car like a goddamn two-year-old to prove he doesn’t need anger management, he was court ordered yesterday to serve 90 days in a live-in rehab for exactly that. Because the thing you don’t know about Breezy is, he plays three-dimensional chess.
Brown and his lawyer, Mark Geragos, were just in court for a progress report in the Rihanna beating case. TMZ broke the story … the Probation Dept. notified the judge that Brown flew into yet another violent rage while he was in a Malibu rehab joint for anger management, and was thrown out of the facility after only 2 weeks. The Probation Dept. recommended live-in anger management rehab.
The judge agreed with Probation, and ordered Brown to check into a facility for 90 days, and the facility must be in L.A. County and approved by Probation.
What’s even more hilarious is just three days before going to court, Chris Brown showed up to a charity event for the Philippines to show what a philanthropist he is, so clearly you’re just hurting the world by locking Breezy up. Who else is going to wear a shirt that says “destroy” around typhoon victims? Shit, you think Drake‘s going to front that kind of sensitivity and sophistication? Bitch, I’ll throw a rock at your car window. I mean, your honor.