Despite this blurry picture of the back of their heads at a Jay-Z concert last night that everyone’s freaking out about, I just assumed all these rumors of Chris Brown and Rihanna getting back together would inevitably culminate in him screaming, “Why you gotta bring up that old shit?” before throwing an elderly woman through a window. So imagine my surprise this morning when Chris Brown not only dumped his girlfriend Karrueche Tran, but did it in an open statement to Us Weekly that cites Rihanna as the reason:
“I have decided to be single to focus on my career,” Brown tells Us Weekly. “I love Karrueche very much but I don’t want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna. I’d rather be single allowing us to both be happy in our lives.”
He also tweeted the following last night:
Both r Free from it all!
So not only did Chris Brown suffer the most minimal of legal and career consequences for beating, biting and generally just trying to murder the shit out of Rihanna, he now gets to have sex with her again until she eventually peeps his phone and we do all this over again. Except maybe next time someone could give him a medal and the power of flight after Rihanna takes him back just in case he starts to think beating women doesn’t always pan out in the end. It’d be a shame to see that happen. He’s such a good kid.