God Is Talking To Chris Brown Again. Oh, Good.
♫ And then I punch a bitch right to sky, cuz God says I’m special and these hoes need to die ♫
*dancers stop, slowly back off stage*
Remember how Karrueche Tran presented enough evidence to a judge to prove that Chris Brown is a goddamn psycho who repeatedly threatened to kill her that she got restraining order against him? Well, it turns out that was all just stepping stones on Breezy’s path to greatness. A path paved specifically by God, which actually checks out if you’ve even perused the Old Testament. But seriously, if you think I’m exaggerating, check out the latest entry in Chris’ Diary Of A Mad Black Fuckboy: How I Incriminated Myself Online For Years And No One Noticed.
Boom, fuck all y’all haters. And since that helped me realize that the world is a ball of flaming chaotic uncertainty because God’s too busy helping human trash puddles get rich, let’s check in with another asshole who decided to testify with his own horseshit Christian social media meme.
Wait, does this mean God’s giving him a better kid, or a stripper with a bigger, faker ass? Or both? I can’t remember The Bible’s take on this is. I slept through CCD a lot.