Chris Brown Has Armed Guards At His House Now

Aim here.

Thanks to Chris Brown’s house getting robbed while his aunt was held hostage at gunpoint, TMZ reports he’s hired a team of armed security guards to patrol the property with instructions to shoot. Since it’s assumed the original robbers were Chris’ friends, I took the liberty of finding photographs of the three suspects because I’m a helper.

Chris Brown

Eskimo Pete: A furry little bastard with a penchant for knives. Peep his phone and it’s stabby stab.


Chris Brown

Dreads Ferrari: A down-and-out racer with nothing to lose. His car doesn’t go fast anymore, but he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make it go vroom.


Chris Brown

Johnny “I’mma Suck This Microphone” Peppers: Chances are high you’ll find him with a male partner looking for a double-team you don’t want.

That’s the whole crew. If you work for the LAPD, feel free to pass these around the station, and don’t worry about requests to see the dascham footage. That’s not going to be an issue. Trust me.

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Photo: Instagram

Tags: Chris Brown