Chris Brown Got Arrested Again

October 28th, 2013 // 30 Comments
Uh, That's Rape, Dude
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Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Chris Brown couldn’t control his temper so he committed felony assault. Although, that’s not entirely fair because this time he actually ended up in jail where he’s still sitting as of this post awaiting a bail hearing. TMZ reports:

The alleged victim tells TMZ … he and a friend were hanging out at the W when they saw 2 women about to take a picture with Brown. The victim — who says he’s not a Chris Brown fan — says he and his buddy photo bombed the 2 women and Chris went nuts, punching him in the face and BREAKING HIS NOSE. He went to the hospital and says he may need surgery as early as tomorrow.
Law enforcement sources and the alleged victim tell TMZ … before striking the man, Chris said, “I’m not into this gay s**t, I’m into boxing.” After Chris punched the man, the fight was taken to the ground.

What’s odd is I’m pretty sure Chris Brown is into gay shit, but then again, maybe he meant boxing his penis into another man’s butt. Which is nothing to be ashamed about and is a perfectly healthy and natural experience for a young man like Chris to have. So maybe try this next time instead of felony assault because you’re too much of a bitch to be honest about your sexuality:

“Excuse me, sir, would you like to engage in anal intercourse?”
“I would not.”
“Very well then. Let us shake hands and go about our business.”

See? No one got arrested, and you’re free to spend your evening finding another ass to tunnel into. Now snatch this pebble from my hand, grasshopper. Without crying this time.

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News


  1. Cock Dr

    We should all be happy that douchebag Brown spent the morning cooling down in the DC jail.
    He probably met his new bf there….might be a bit sore today.

  2. cc

    I’m astonished….he seemed so remorseful after his first conviction.

  3. JC

    So does this mean he’s on double probation now, with possibly two different assignments of community service that he won’t perform?

  4. rican

    “Imma fist yo ass homeboy!”

  5. Randal

    Chris Brown arrested? You betchya! Charge? Sexy in the first degree, your honor.


  6. Deacon Jones

    I just be misundastood.

    Why everybody be hatin’ on a brotha. You just be jealous, Imma live MY LIFE

  7. alex

    Ha, why can’t I ever be so lucky? I’d trade a punch from that little girl for a million bucks any day of the week. Because you know that kid that got smacked is about to come into a BIG payday.

  8. “No thanks, I’m not into that gay shit. Imma boxer!”

    Pretty much a prison mating call. He’d might as well paint his ass red and present.

    • he sure does like to take advantage of every opportunity to tell us he’s not gay, but you are.

      • I think that kid could be a case study in the future manifestations of child abuse. The ink, the rage, the absurd overcompensation — it just never ends. All the bases are covered. It would be amazing if a shrink could get him to see that all the things he thinks he is hiding he is actually painting in huge neon letters everywhere he goes.

  9. Karrueche Tran Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    100% heterosexual Chris Brown’s small-breasted, androgynous ex…who just happens to have massive man hands. Yep, nothing to see here…

  10. Fuck the velvet gloved handy from the justice system for this asshole, this situation needed a trayvon martin style ending.

  11. Awesome, maybe he’ll actually serve time…wait, what am I saying, of course he won’t. Still, I can hold out hope.

    Now if we could only get Justin Bieber to start a fight that his bodyguards won’t finish…

  12. I wonder whose fault it will be this time.

  13. Anyone notice the arms? 10-1 Bieber could beat him arm wrestling.
    Prison is going to be such fun.

  14. Are we 100% sure this isn’t Julianne Hough?

  15. Pat C.

    Chris Brown actually hit a man? Was he like, 4 feet tall, or in a wheelchair, or what? Otherwise I’d think they got the wrong perp.

  16. I am bummed at Chris Browns black face.

  17. Arrested for assault? That’s a bitch. I meant, he’s a bitch.

  18. Colin

    The problem is that now he’s dealing with the DC police instead of LA or NY police. In DC you have to be a POLITICIAN to get away with shit.

  19. Dox

    Every interview, every comment he makes…. everything he say’s…. He comes across as a violent jackass. Quite frankly, if he lacked fame, he would have been pulling a nickel at least by now.

  20. Chris Brown…what a piece of work. Where is a fucking drive buy when you want one?

  21. Elf

    Ok, can someone tell Chris Brown that for an artist, hits mean something else entirely?

  22. Should we consider it progress that it’s a guy this time, or is it more of a lateral move since he included homophobia?

  23. Chris arrested, you can’t beat that ;)

  24. Karrueche Tran Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ewww, i can smell you from here”
    -Woman in background

  25. Karrueche Tran Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Christ! Look at the size of her hands!

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