Chris Brown’s Not Going Back To Jail. Goddammit.

Yesterday, the possibility of Chris Brown going back to jail brought a little smile to our faces, even if we couldn’t actually believe he picked a fight with a man. Today, that possibility is gone thanks to that guy withdrawing his complaint because the endless, life-destroying cycle of our justice system only applies to poor black men. Via TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the guy who accused Brown of punching him early Monday morning during a basketball game in Vegas called the cops on Tuesday and told them he wanted to drop the case. He did not explain why.

I’ve got two explanations. 1. Money. 2. An entire all-girls elementary school class, his grandmother, a possum, and a giant animated vagina all called him and laughed until they went insane and died. There are no other scenarios I will accept for why I don’t get what I want which is Chris Brown in an orange, pee-soaked jumper with magazines tied around his chest. Here’s a not even close to next best thing in the form of him falling off the stage, because it’s not the edge of the Grand Canyon:


Tags: Chris Brown