Chelsea Handler: ‘I’ve Been Making Fun of Angelina Jolie For Years’

December 7th, 2010 // 59 Comments

Seen here at the New York premiere of The Tourist last night, Angelina Jolie was called a “fucking cunt” over the weekend by Chelsea Handler, who wants everyone to know it has nothing to do with her new best friend despite the icicles dripping from her ear where Jennifer Aniston whispered into it. Us Magazine:

“I’ve been making fun of Angelina Jolie since she made out with her brother!” Handler quipped. (Jolie famously locked lips with her brother James Haven at the Oscar ceremony in 2000, the year of Brad Pitt and Aniston’s weddding; Jolie and Pitt hooked up about five years later.)
… “If I’ve learned anything from this, it’s to write some new jokes,” she admitted.

In Chelsea’s defense, Angelina has been comedy material for over a decade, but once you become friends with Jennifer Aniston, you give up the ability to look like just another impartial comedian cracking jokes about child-collecting. (Gotta catch ‘em all!) It’s sort of like how I can’t make jokes about Blake Lively anymore because we’re in a sexual relationship now. — That was a toaster?

It’s sort of like how I can’t make jokes about toasters…

NOTE: Added pics of Johnny Depp at The Tourist premiere, though for all you know, these are from 2002 because he never changes his appearance. Not even to act.

Photos: Fame, Splash News

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  1. suck it

    she looks sickly!

  2. From the looks of it, not only has Angelina kept her chin up despite it all, she also has a stiff upper lip.

  3. direchef

    Handler had her shot a being relevant, yet she chose skankdom. Let the sex tapes roll…

    • Johnny Cage

      Angelina will still be hot way into her 50s. Nevertheless Married chick = Don’t look Don’t touch

      Still in terms of female comedians, Chelsea is more doable than Ellen.

      • Johnny Cage

        She ties with Silverman though.

      • limp

        Silverman or whatever other stolen precious metal that ugly worthless cunt is named after, is an abomination. A childish, ignorant,fat useless cunt.
        This one is well on her way as well.
        Jolie is a successful actress. And she is beautiful. You may not like her, but who are you and who is Skankler?

      • Harry Potsmoker

        God I hate Brangaloons.

      • Johnny Cage

        Limp I never said I didn’t like Jolie. That’s total Spartaaaa talk right there. I just said that since she’s married, my old time morals go into overdrive making her off limits to my heart filled googly eyes. I may be a sick bastard but even I have rules of honesty I must abide by.

        Handler isn’t married, is slutty, and did a sex tape, so that makes her game for me to beat off to. She’s no where near as pretty as Angelina Jolie (well obviously), but you get the picture. Still Handler is more one of those rainy day chicks I’d get my socks blown to. You know like when a person is in the doctor’s office waiting room and the only material is a magazine cover with Handler on it. I mean I’d have no choice then.

      • Averre

        Yeah..I don’t care how attractive she is, she has -way- too much baggage, is not right in the head and who wants sloppy seconds from Billy Bob Thorton?

        If this is how she looks at 35 then no, she will not be aging gracefully.

      • Harry Potsmoker

        Angelina is not married.

  4. I love that dress..

  5. Lady Blah Blah

    I think Jolie is great in some movies, like The Mighty Heart. But she begged to be made a target of ridicule when she hooked up with Mr. Sling Blade.

  6. asteadyrain

    Chelsea Handler has never been funny and still isn’t. No news here, let’s all move on…

  7. jojo

    Please someone, anyone tell me who the fuck Chelsea Handler is and why should anybody give two shits what she has to say?

  8. sa

    Angelina looks so old!

  9. I’m still Team Jen. But the biggest douche in the whole thing is Brad. Why does he get a free pass while the women are teaming up with Jen or Ang?

    • McFeely Smackup

      ask the women who give a shit. I guarantee you won’t find too many men who care one way or another who is fucking who in hollywood. There’s something about having a vagina that makes that shit interesting.

    • Team Jen? Are you fucking serious??? That tells me everything I need to know about your social status and life. No straight man gives a fuck which one of these two women are fucking Pitt. Aniston was out of her league, Pitt met Jolie, Pitt started fucking Jolie, Pitt dumps Aniston, Aniston wha wha wha’s to the media and becomes their darling, Anistons career extends far longer than it should have after Friends ends, and she’s still complaining that she lost Pitt to the Viper. Whiney annoying no talent bitch should be thankful she was dumped so she could have a career in vomit enducing dramedy’s that women drag their testicle castrated boyfriends and husbands to.

    • People who speak in metaphors can shampoo my crotch.

  10. castallare

    Heh. A toaster joke. Suuuure Fish is a straight guy.

    (That’s how Ellen came out of the closet on her sitcom and has been a bit of a classic joke with a similar connotation in the LBGT community.)

  11. Ms Jolie looks underweight yet amazing in these premiere pics.
    I would like to again extend an invitation for her to drop by my house for a big slab of lasagna. Spouse & I have forgiven you for that Billy Bob thing….everyone makes mistakes.

    • Soooo!!

      In other words, you are ready to share your husbands or boyfriends with her? The offer has to be a whole package for Jolie to come to your house..lol

  12. Yeeeea, ok Chelsea. We believe you. Everyone made fun of Jolie for slipping the tongue to her brother 10 years ago. If you are trying to convince everyone that for 10 years you have been making fun of Jolie then you are dumber than you are ugly. Funny how no one ever heard any of those jokes until the past couple of days huh? That could be because no one paid any attention to your worthless career up until you became Anistons media whore. More likely, Jennifer STILL hasn’t kept her trap shut and keeps whining about how she lost Brad and how Jolie is a bitch/cunt/whore etc etc etc.

    Ever notice than Jennifer hasn’t been with anyone seriously since the end of that relationship? I mean there was that one thing with Vince Vaughn but, c’mon, it was Vince Vaughn …

    • Mena

      Who went on to marry someone so its not like he didnt want to get married.

    • me

      don’t forget about john “douchebag” mayer

    • Duh!

      Dante! stop convincing everyone that Jen is behind all the criticism, that Jolie received from anyone. I have the same opinion with Chandler about Jolie, and Jen is not my friend. Are you going to say Jen is whining on me about Brad? Grow up! and listen to what you are saying, it made you sound soooo pathetic.

  13. Do_Freebird

    It seems that Angie is starting to get a touch of the Maria Shriver Crypt Keeper look.

  14. Doc Scweinstrudel

    I love Angelina Jolie, Brad AND Jennifer Aniston

  15. Billy Nomates

    Jolie admits to having no friends; how does why else a lady with so much fame & $ have no friends? – cause she’s a €u%T!

  16. Angelina Jolie Tourist Premiere
    yolla
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s wearing a wig.

  17. CC

    Somehow, I don’t think Angelina really cares.

    • Blech

      Me neither. But I can’t stand Chelsea Handler. Her career must be suffering much if she had to stoop so low as to call anyone other than herself a cunt.

  18. debagger

    In Chelsea’s defense, she isn’t talented enough to come up with new material.

  19. Eric

    She beautiful, but I bet she’s a cunt.

  20. Ash Bones

    I wish Dexter was real and put Chelsea on the table.

  21. heysamjo

    She looks like the alien that climbs out of the space ship at the end of “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.”

  22. Angelina Jolie Tourist Premiere
    DusktilDawn
    Commented on this photo:

    Jolie’s coattails are long. Why do you think we’re force fed Jennifer Aniston movies every 3 months? You don’t really think she has a career because of her ‘talent’ do you? She has a career because of the perceived grudge match and tabloid soap opera w/ ‘Brangelin a.’ If Aniston had wished Pitt well 6 years ago, and gotten her own life – she’d be in Lisa Kudrow’s shoes right now, She hitched her TV sh*tcom star to their supernova, and thus a terminal annoyance was born. Now, it appears Jen is bringing her friends with her (courtesy of their shared PR flack) to camp out on the Jolie Pitt coattail.

  23. she is so classy

    chelsea you are a fucking ordinary and ugly bitch shut the f up old broad .. youre just fucking jealous.

  24. Gar

    The difference is that she used to make fun of Jennifer Aniston too, right on the heels of every Angelina joke was a poke at Jennifer. So she was, if you will, an equal opportunity beyatch. But now, it’s all Angelina. Whatever. Chelsea’s never really been that talented and we all know how she got her gig. She thinks she’s edgy and all that but she’s really just a mean hag screaming at people from a stage.

  25. me

    Is it me, or…. why are people that know Jennifer Anniston all against Angelina Jolie??? John Mayer originally broke up with Aniston because he “wasn’t going to cheat on her the way she had been before” and now this Chelsea chick is bagging on Jolie. Get over it Jen! Move on with your life for f’s sake. And why the hell don’t Jolie and Pitt get married? It’s like they’re wearing it on their sleeve that they are too insecure for marriage. If Jen wants to waller in something, it could be that they won’t get married. I just don’t care for Aniston… I think Jolie is nuts but I also see her as a person that evolves and is in the world but not of it. That’s enough to admire.

  26. Johnny Depp Tourist Premiere
    JohnnyForever
    Commented on this photo:

    Fucking HELL he is the hottest man on the planet. Look at him. Even in that ridiculous suit he is a walking pheremone. I would literally rip my clothes off if he walked by and not be embarassed because there’s a chance he would help me put them back on.

    Angelina cannot come close to his level of hotness and should not be allowed in the same post with him. Seriously. He is off the Richter scale. FUCK. The things I would do to him.

  27. Cher

    What the hell is this Chelsea Handler????

  28. Pat C

    Aren’t jokes supposed to have a funny punchline?
    Simply saying “that bitch is a fucking cunt” doesn’t strike me as a funny line at all. I could go onstage and say “Osama bin Laden is evil”, and maybe get a round of applause, but I won’t have people rolling on the floor laughing. Chelsea should learn from Don Rickles – he insults people AND makes it funny.

  29. Angelina Jolie Tourist Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Woah that’s a revealing pic. Behold, the sadness and emptiness behind the mask.

  30. Chelsea Handler has no class or talent. Just listen to her lame-ass delivery – why is she even famous?

    Jennifer Aniston is a sour-grapes blandster who can’t carry a film.

    Angelina Jolie has class, talent, and beauty – and she actually gives a shit about the world. She’s the clear winner when compared to the other two, who are complete assholes.

  31. close the dooor

    The joke is on you chelsea handler. You can get a man you can even get a husband. You”rer worn out and used UP. That makes you the joke of the day dirt!

  32. Boston_Freek

    Turd.

  33. kimberly

    CHELSEA HANDLER AND JENIFER ANISTON BOTH ARE FUGLY, FUGLY, FUGLY HAG HA G HAG BLAH BLAH BLAH JEN MORON AND CHELSEA DUMBASS UGLYBITCH

  34. OMEGA

    CHELSEA HANDLER SLEPT WITH HER BOSS WHO MARRIED TO GET HER JOB. JENIFER ANISTON IS HOLLYWOOD WHORE SLEPT WITH A STRING OF HOLLYWOOD PLAYBOYS , THESE TWO BITCHES ARE SO JEALOUS TO MR PITT GIRLFRIEND, THESE BOTH SKANKS UGLY LIKE UGLY., LOW-CLASS LIKE LOW-CLASS, OLD HAG LIKE OLD HAG, JEN IS WORSE ACTRESS AND CHELSEA IS NO NAME , NO TALENT, NOT FUNNY AT ALL.. BOTH ARE BAD BITCHES

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