Because being new best friends with Jennifer Aniston comes with a larger price than just promising to have an equally as frozen uterus, Chelsea Handler went off on Angelina Jolie during a stand-up show in Jersey over the weekend. Via The Huffington Post:
“She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants to,” Chelsea said. “I don’t f**king believe you … she gives interviews, ‘I don’t have a lot of female friends.’ Cause you’re a f**king c**t … you’re a f**king b***h.”
Okay, look, I understand there’s nothing women hate more than women who steal men – except maybe rational arguments – but as someone who used to cheat if there wasn’t anything good on TV, it’s time for some real talk: It’s your own fault. All you have to do is physically morph into a new person every two to three days and we’ll stop texting your sister. Although, in your defense, we don’t help you learn from your mistake by softening the blow with cliched compliments like, “I was drunk and you’re boring.” Because, really, it’s the morphing thing. It always has been…
Photos: Splash News
i’d love to bang out this whore, yes i would…
She is a self confessed slut, so I’m sure she “knows how to get the job done”. I’d bang her & show my wife the pics when I was done! So what do you think- smooth? Racing stripe? Hiltler?
i assume you’re talking about her asshole…i’d say waxed and bleached and hemrhoided…
Chelsea Handler = unfunny. Also, ugly chicks love to hate on Angelina. I rest my case.
True that. She talks loud and cuts down celebs, but that doesn’t make her funny.
She’d be funny if she belched the alphabet while Chuy jack-hammered her ass with his head…or something like that.
uhhhhh, I am no where NEAR ugly and I just found a NEW reason to like Chelsea!!!!!
**puhleeze, Angelina is a STRAIGHT UP, NO-HOLDS-BARRED HO!!!!!! They say Karma will come to get you though…….hers is definitely coming….
You’re an idiot!
Chelsea really needs to take a look in a mirror, or five mirrors, for she is the real and ultimate c*nt.
if she slimmed down, and got a new face, she’d be hot.
hilarious!
Chelsea Handler for president!!!
…yeah…president of NAMBLA
I would too if i looked like that
White zombie flapjack boobies. That’s the only funny thing about her.
“…she then went on to say “and I’d like to thank the Superficial for putting my annoying fucking ad on its website.”
so funny, so true
I love rational arguments! They’re so much better than sex with guys.
As for Chelsea…she can say whatever she wants, but I’ll never trust a woman in a floppy zebra hat.
“I don’t have a lot of female friends” means “I am a lonely loser, because everybody hates me for being such a self-righteous-uptight-mean-men-stealing-frigid-cold-freako-psycho-bitch”. I have always been good at deciphering these things…
Hey, I don’t know who she is but she is right on the money about Ange
Hell yeah she’s on the money about Whorelie.
You really think that??? Shit you’re as much as a moron than the hooker on the video!
It’s not a good idea to defend a whore (Jolie) by calling someone a whore -aka hooker… Jolie & Pitt (who is to blame because he had the wife) did screw up. They need to just say we did what was best for us, but we should have done it differently . Then there’d be nothing else to say about it. The issue would be officially dead. They need to stop acting as if they didn’t have an affair. What happened happened. they should admit their mistake in the way they handled the situation & there would be anything anyone could say ….
yeah right Chelsea am on ur side…bitch-angelina is using the kids to clean up her name…dont trust that bitch ange she is ugly in and out.
Got her job by sleeping with Comcast’s CEO. He has since dumped her. So, she’s bitter.
yep – and she knows her days are numbered!
That explains everything. Tank you! This woman has to be the biggest asshole on television.
Here’s to her final days in the limelight.
You’re so wrong. She’s hilarious and she tells the truth. She’s not out there trying to hide who she is or what she does. She’s actually gotten more and more popular since her break up.
goddamn that kesha character looks more and more nast every time you post pictures of her.
LMAO!!
Negative ass.
Who cares what chelsea handler says. She’s stupid, she’s NOT funny and is so hard up for attention that she sold her homemade fuck film (where she gets buttfucked) for money. White trash all the way…
Proof? Just saying I never heard of THAT film…
She made a homemade fuck film? I don’t think so.
Yep,there is a film.Was I mean.They released some stills but she had it blocked.She joked about it on her show
If I were Jennifer Aniston I’d be downright embarassed – it’s so ridiculously obvious she’s still insanely jealous of Angelina. Holy crap, GET OVER IT ALREADY!! Could she truly be so immature and petty that she doesn’t realize everyone will automatically assume she put Chelsea up to this?? Not to mention what a pliant lapdog it makes Chelsea out to be? Say what you will ladies, Angie is gorgeous, very talented and successful, highly altruistic, and her and Brad are obviously deeply in love – you two come across like a pair of jealous, bitter losers.
I admit to maybe being a bit uninformed, but could you explain exactly what it is that leads you to believe Aniston give a flying fuck about Jolie and Pitt at this point?
I see a lot of people (like you) SAYING she’s obsessed, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard of her actually doing or saying anything herself like that.
Well first of all just that idiot up there mentionning it in her show, shows that somebody around Aniston is giving a flying fuck about Jolie and Pitt at this point!
Aniston brings it up in interviews constantly it seems, “5 Years After Brad!” this crap is EVERYWHERE. I am always so embarrassed for her! She should just refuse to answer questions about that relationship/breakup and save a little dignity!
Whoa whoa whoa. Talented? Have you SEEN Tomb Raider 1 and 2? Or Wanted? Or Mr. And Mrs. Smith? Or Gone in 60 Seconds? Or Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow?
Be careful with those words there, citizen. Get a fucking dictionary, or just, you know, know what you’re talking about.
Now come on Marley, aren’t you just Anniston’s big slobbering lapdog, destined to a life of crotch sniffing and eating cat feces?? Be a good dog okay, drop dead.
LOL look at Aniston’s so called “acting.” She has but ONE face throughout her roles and all parallels to her FRIENDS days. Even if some people say Angelina can’t act well…compare her to actors that can not to those who can’t play other roles! Angie’s movies gross sooo much more
white trash fugly azz skank azz broad… i hate this bytch .. always got a black rapper on her stupid show.. you can tell she wants to sex them… bytch stay in your flat azz lane and leave black men alone.. you flat butt on your back un-funny meth head looking bird!
The above insightful comment was brought to you by Methamphetamine: “It’s a hell of a drug!”
Damn, jill, I’d tell you to take a pill – but I think you already did!
Does anyone really need to provide an excuse to dislike Angelina Jolie beyond what everyone already knows? She’s batshit crazy, collects children like they’re pokemon, hates America yes loves to cash her big fat american paychecks, looks like a skinny crackwhore who is fucking a tattoo artist, and by all accounts is a raging bitch to everyone around her.
What’s not to hate?
couldn’t agree with another human being more. well said!
Jealous at all?!
I am most annoyed at this double standard by my fellow women. Who was the real home wrecking the pitt/aniston household? Pitt! But he is too cute for any of the ladies to get mad at, so lets blame it all on Angelina. My fellow female gender, be pissed at the right person. He’s a douche. Let’s move on.
@smiley—I agree. And that is what pisses off people most.
@brilliant
I totally agree. Angelina had no responsibility to Jennifer Aniston. Brad was the one who married Aniston and should be held responsible for his actions.
He had probably been thinking about leaving Jen for a long time before Angelina came along. People get bored of who they’re with. It’s natural. So when a new person comes along, it makes it a lot easier to leave the person you are already miserable with.
I think anyone would be jealous about the amount of money she gets for very little work, much like any a-list actor, but what did I say about her that you disagree with?
I don’t think anyone, men at least, give a shit about who left who for what reason. “Home wrecker” just isn’t a term men use. In Brad’s opinion, he was trading up, or at least moving on to some new tail…nothing unusual there.
Not jealous at all – thank you very much! and yes – totally agree. Pitt was a total douche too but there is no getting around the fact that Angelina-Slut-Jolie is a home wrecking whore. Brad Pitt isn’t the only attached man she has stolen from someone. Sorry but you can’t argue with the facts! She’s only interested in men who are spoken for. Classic insecure psycho bitch. and how dare you say you are annoyed at the double standard. she treats other women like garbage – why in the HELL would i stand up for her? Get a life!
AGREED. Brad Pitt is the world’s biggest douche!
Yes I agree with you. I don’t understand, women blame the women, all the time… but Pitt, no one blames him…that’s so stupid! People here in America believe so much that Aniston is perfect therefore they’d rather blame Angelina. Maybe Aniston is just a boring old witch, not smart at all and not funny at all! Maybe she has no libido! Maybe it was hell for him to live with her but what do I know…you all know Jennifer Aniston and I don’t!
I like her.
Except for the tattoos. She’s getting into the downright weird & excessive zone with that ink fetish.
The only people you hear say that it’s not the mistress’ fault the man left, are other whores who fuck married men. Jus in case you haven’t already deduced that :)
@Kerri I may not be of so extensive Jolie Pitt family,but why there is everywhere that “home-wrecker” term? Isn’t a man responsible for the decision to leave my wife or not? And maybe you forgot but Jennifer Aniston was not so saint indeed when she took Brad Pitt from Gwyneth Paltrow. None of these three are saint. And I can understand what Brad might see in that “crazy Angelina”,most of the time I’ve seen him pictured with Jennifer he was a polished star,nowadays he does not look that pretty but he DOES something more than looking pretty. So… I guess I can understand this Miss Chelsea defending her dear friend,but I do not agree with her.
@Kerry
“why in the HELL would I stand up for her? Get a life!
Wow, sorry darling but you’re starting to take this shit way too personal…I don’t want to be rude…well just a little bit because I must admit, I like Angelina Jolie much more than Aniston…but YOU’RE the one who should GET A LIFE!
The story is Superficial worthy, but the photos… I didn’t need to see them.
TEAM CHELSEA.
I’m sorry but although Angelina is very talented and beautiful, if you follow her bio and her life story, you will know that she is a very arrogant person. She is a sociopath and is very self indulgent. I really think she had this coming.
Yes, Angie is a sociopath… However, “crazy ass bang your brains out” vagina wins over “boring old frozen” vagina any day… Chelsea IS a lapdog but she is right… What a problem we have now, eh?
oops,actually I agree of her having some sociopath tendencies :)
HhEY, JEALOUS BITCH. YOUR FACE LOOK LIKE ANGIE’S VAGINA, YOUR JENIFER FACE LOOK LIKE PENIS.bOTH OF YOU ARE JEALOUS SKANKS. CHELSEA IS UGLY CHEAP WHORE 50 CENTS
TEAM CHELSEA ALL ARE UGLY WHORES
And by 5th hour passing period, Chelsea and Angelina had settled their differences and were once BFFs.
^^once again BFFs^^
Nice! Really, people, “Chelsea vs. Angelina” is not an important issue. If Chelsea wants to call people cunts and bitches because she thinks it passes for humor, fine. But she’s not to be taken seriously.
Chelsea is just sexually frustrated, she like Jennifer Aniston just needs a good long, hard fuck; Terrible I know, but I’m willing to take one for the team. Banging frigid, pudgy, middle aged women is my Forté
Yuck.
Well, don’t forget to put a paper bag over her head. And her body, specifically over her ass.
Just stick Chelsea in a human-sized paper bag and make holes where you see fit.
No wonder she does stand up, she’s got nothing to sit on
If you look at Jolie’s track record…every movie she has made..she marries or has an affair with the leading man. With her new movie coming out…I just hope Johnny Depp has better sense than to have anything to do with her. Keep it professional, Johhny…she is a wicked woman! (SEE how high she flys…witchy woman….what else needs to be said?)
You must have missed the reports coming out about her latest movie with Depp. He deliberately avoided being seen in public with her to keep the press from making “assumptions” and even had a sex scene cut from the movie because it freaked his girlfriend out. Everybody is wise to Angelina at this point.
I heard she tried to fuck the Panda … but he couldn’t get any bamboo …
Shut your asshole mouth, jealous bitch. Fuck your mother
to be fair, I don’t think Angelina fucked anyone from Kung Fu Panda
yes as what his name says…McFeely Smackup…they deliberately avoided been seen in public so idiots like you wouldn’t make assumptions!
Gen,
I’m not sure what assumptions you think I’m making, I’m just repeating what I read that Depp had said. But feel free to go fuck yourself.
SHE’S a SUCCUBUS!!
Can’t we just get the pitchforks and torches and solve this Angelina Jolie issue once and for all?
You can’t kill Angelina Jolie.
Besides being a supernatural entity she provides significant amounts of $$ for the budgets of UNICEF& UNHCR. If you kill her international Earth orphans will starve & you might create a rift in local space time. It’s a big risk.
I am glad somone finally spoke the truth about this whore! Chelsea is hilarious!!
Well, her face is hilarious. And her pathetic career.
That’s… about it.
You call Jolie is whore? It’s your mother is whore
i have a soft spot for angelina just cause she (used to be) gorgeous and although everybody says she collects kids for her own personal gain.. yeah it’s selfish but doesn’t change the fact that she gave 3 kids who would have otherwise lived a shitty life an alternative.
BUT she’s a homewrecker. i call bullshit on this “she didn’t owe Aniston anything, it’s Brad’s fault”. Naw naw naw bitches. Yes, Brad is a scum bag for doing that to his wife. That’s a shitty thing to do. But any woman with class knows to keep her paws off a married man, whether he’s miserable in his marriage or not.
Brad = Cheating bastard
Angelina = Classless, selfish woman
END OF STORY.
ps chelsea handler isn’t funny.
ILU
JENIFER ANISTON IS UGLY WHORE AND YOU ARE THE UGLY SKANKS
Chelsea’s a scab.
Strange indeed! Chelsea Handler who is talentless and tasteless, can’t even make a decent porno,isn’t funny or sexy and looks like a “locked gate at the end of 10 miles of bad road”,on a good day, talking trash about Angie….Tooo Funny!
This bitch should crawl back under her rock and die.The funniest thing she will ever say or do will be the day Chewy gets tired of her shit on the Chelsea Handler Show, walks across the stage and punches her square in the cunt! He would hit her higher up but he’s kinda on the short side!
@KERRI
See Kerri, now THAT’S FUNNY! Please don’t cry!
You know you are ugly when your picture is posted on the Superficial, you have a name like Chelsea HANDLER, and NO ONE says stuff like …
“I’d like to Handle Chelsea” or “Chelsea needs her boobs handled” or “I will become Chelsea’s Handler” …
As for Chelsea’s rant, the reason why people will make the assumption that she’s echoing what Jennifer Aniston is feeling is because Handler hasn’t ranted about Branjelina before her and Jenn Jenn became bosom buddies and now all of a sudden she has an opinion, as useless as it may be, on the subject. It is an assumption but it’s a pretty easy one to make.
Regarding Brad Pitt and Anjelina stealing him: 1. Brad was WAY OUT OF Jennifers league in the first place, 2. Aniston probably wouldn’t do things that Brad wanted to do with her sexually while Anjelina would do things that Brad probably never even knew existed sexually, 3. Pitt is the main douchebag in all of this as he was the one who cheated on Jennifer but that gets simply forgotten by women with just one charming smile, 4. Anjelina is a whore I mean she fucking married Billy Bob Thornton for fuck sakes, 5. it was years ago GET OVER IT ALREADY PEOPLE.
I THINK YOUR MOM WAS A RAUNCHY WHORE, SO YOU WERE BORN.
How about this:
O, Chelsea has a handler, it’s F-I-F-T-Y…
She used to have a-no-ther one, the Com-cast C-E-O…
shut your asshole mouth. move on jealous bitch
NO ONE IS WHORE BUT YOU, CALAMARI. COLORINI CULUNICU IS JEALOUS WHORE
Yeah, you can see that most of the Angie haters here are women. It’s simple jealousy. If Aniston had met more of Brad’s needs, they’d still be together. Now Jen is just as beautiful as Angie in my mind. But Jen gives off a more needy, nervous vibe, while Angie gives off an “I’m going to tie you up and screw you to death” vibe that a lot of men find very attractive. Men can feel it, women know it, so they hate Angie. She’s a natural predator, even if she isn’t aware of it. Hell just writing this about her is giving me a chubby. Aniston and Handler are both being petty, pathetic, while Jolie is simply following her nature. God bless her. I want her to tie me up and screw me to death.
you’re pathetic. Go get laid
You offering?
MOST OF JOLIE’S HATERS ALL ARE VERY LOW-CLASS, HYPOCRITE AND TOO UGLY LIKE JENIFER ANISTON. UGLY LIKE UGLY
I don’t want Jolie to tie me up and screw me to death. But I agree with what you’ve said– compared to “vanilla” Jen Aniston and “fucked-up-in-the-head-and-career-and talent” Handler, Jolie seems the woman most true to herself out of the three.
eeewwwwwwwwww, manly ass
jennifer aniston is like the charles manson of jilted chicks. you hang out with her long enough and eventually she’ll turn you to her anti-jolie cause.
Can someone please explain why this UNFUNNY, UGLY turd is relavant? If you find her, her show or her lame jokes funny, please shoot yourself. I don’t care what you say about Angelina Jolie, the woman is beautiful, can actually ACT and has Brad..unlike Jennifer Aniston who is about the most pathetic, boring woman in Hollywood. I mean, get over it already, BRAD IS GONE..Yes, Jennifer has winners as friends like this one. Wha’ts next Z list stars?
@grace – LMAO! Yes!! Thank you. I couldn’t have said it better myself. People rave about how beautiful Aniston is but she is fucking fat-free, sugar-free soy vanilla yogurt. Or as I call her, the 3B: Basic Boring Bitch.
Angelina on the other hand is breathtaking, a great actress (who stares in Blockbusters not gay predictable movies with ugly leading men) and actually gives a damn about causes and people outside the United States. Sorry but I would have left BBB for Angelina.
*stars
eh,,,
Where the fuck is Kanye when you need him?
All I got out of this is two old hags sat around bitching about the ex. Two old hags that didn’t have man to fuck them on Thanksgiving. Now one old bird is out babbling about how they talked about the ex and his chick as well as their kids to the media. Can’t expect any more from two desperate old women.
HAhahahaha NAILED IT!!!
Distasteful. To use such a distasteful word again any one makes her gutter trash. 2ndly Brad was the man who was married. Angie did not tie him up, put her in her handbag and walk away. Brad went back to Jennifer after the shoot finished and Angie was no where near once Jen decided that Brad was being “emotionally distant” and filed for divorce. Jen, not Brad. She kicked him to curb and he went for what he wanted a woman who was willing to have kids with him and have 3 natural ones she did.
Thirdly …b**tch it was 6 years ago, get over it already. Hopefully Jen has as well. Brad was not her identity and needs to move on.
SHUT UP, STUPID B!TCH
I agree.
And fuck you, Laura.
FUCK YOU BLECH. MOVE ON
JENIFER ANISTON IS NOT WOMEN. SHE IS A MAN. THAT WHY SHE HAVE NO EGGS. TO HAVE BABY. 7 YEARS WITH BRAD BUT NOTHING. . MOVE ON JEALOUS BITTER BITCH. TURN ANOTHER CHAPTER.
See the JenHens have invaded this once hysterically funny, snarky site. What a shame. A good discourse until the “paid posters” arrived. Seems the ex isn’t over it and has sent the pit bull out (and all for a few A list guests to boost ratings) to humble the mega star on the eve of her debut. Guess it beats shilling perfume and water, and yeah, no look of desperation or collusion). Shark attack victims recover faster.
ahh….Chelsea got an an old lady boney ass…what a shame considering everything else looks great.
Angie is a homewrecker with her plastic face. I love chelsea, tells it like it is.
YOU’RE A RAUNCHY B!TCH, YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, SHUT UP AND FIND SOME ONE TO FUCK.
YOU’RE A DIRTY WHORE.
YOU’RE A FAT PIG NOT A HUMAN BEING.
Chelsea is a fame slore. End of story.
JENIFER ANISTON FAKE FROM HEAD TO TOES; 2 TIMES NOSE JOBS, FACELIFTED, CHIN IMPLANT , BOTOX FAKE YOUNG, UPPER LIP COLLAGEN, LIPO-SUCTION, HAIRLINE ADJUSTED, WRINKLES AND LINE AROUND HER MOUTH BEEN REMOVED BY FACELIFTED AND BOTOX, EYE BROWN ADJUSTED, SKIN PEELED, BOOB IMPLANTS, BIG FAT THIGH REMOVED, FAKE BLONDE, FAKE TAN, ETC… HEY YOUR JEN IS 100% PLASTIC WOMEN. NOT JOLIE
Hey, yougogirl. Jenifer Aniston is 100% plastic women. Fixed from head to toes. Look back her picture before and after. Brad wasso bored at her after married . She so ugly and boring and can’t have Brad babies. Maybe she have no eggs. Maybe she got penis like Brad?
She is too ugly to even be mistaken for one of Angie’s shits.
TO Chelsea Handler :
YOU’RE A RAUNCHY WH@RE, I’M DISGUSTED WITH YOUR DIRTY MOUTH.
YOU’RE A RUDE B!TCH, YOU SHOULD WASH YOUR DIRTY MOUTH.
YOU’RE A STUPID HYPOCRITE.
DON’T WASTE YOUR TME AND FIND SOME ONE TO FVCK, A RAUNCHY WH@RE.
YOU’RE SO OLD BUT YOU ACT LIKE A ANIMAL, NOT A HUMAN BEING.
I’LL KILL YOU, A DIRTY WH@RE.
YOU’RE A FAT PIG, A UGLY DOG.
YOU’VE SUCKED AND LICKED ANISTONWH@RE’S PVSSY ALREADY, SO YOU AND ANISTONWH@RE LOOK LIKE RANCHY B!TCHES IN HEAT.
YOU ANIMAL.
You forgot to mention her dirty mouth.
Angie?!? Do you lurk here often?
Jenifer Aniston degrade herself to make friend with Chelsea Handle who un-famous,bad mouth., acting very low class, Everybody think Jenifer can’t move on and use Chelsea to revenged Jolie. It’s nasty and coward . Chelsea herself is no one respected because she low-class, dirty whore, jealous bitch, no talent, nude playboy, ugly inside and out.. Jen and Chelsea getting worse and nasty because their full of jealousy
hey…say what you want….compaired to what i go home to…….i would hit that ass hard and often!!!!!
THIS DIRTY WH@RE IS ONLY WORTH LICKING ANGIE’S SHOES
Dudette, you have issues. Seek help for fuck’s sakes.
When a woman tries to get attention by calling another woman a dirty whore, she sets the whole gender back three hundred years. I don’t care how much “liberated woman” Carrie Bradshaw-gargling-sparkle-tank-top feminism you put on. It’s really disgusting.
How about if Jen’fan call Jolie is whore? Are they nasty and jealous and disgusting? Hey, If you hit me. I hit you back. Remember that!
Y’all fuckers are crazy.
Woman’s affairs are best left ignored I always maintained.
And Chelsea and her BF “fitty” share the same grill. How come she hasn’t made that observation in her stand up act. Not funny enough, perhaps?
look, chelsea is a jealous bitch. she needs to stop clawing at people who are so high above her. Angelina is filet mignon and Chelsea is rump roast if even that. Angelina is busy with her family and her career. Leave her alone; she does a lot more for people than Chelsea has ever done. Angelina: UN Ambassador; Chelsea: Slept with a man to get a show and released a horrible sex tape which made me want to poke out my own eyes.
Chelsea Handler is an evil pathetic woman who is being used by Jennifer Aniston who is another a pathetic and vindictive woman. Whatever you say, you cannot bring down Angelina . Jennifer Aniston is a loser. No man, no kids and now she has a stupid friend, Chelsea. They are both losers.
Wow… I can’t believe how mean and evil women are to each other sometimes… Listen, honey… How the hello do you know what’s life has got in store for you? It is very possible that your husband of several years with whom you will have children will leave you for a hot piece of pussy like Angelina Jolie. Do you think you will be as easy-going about thath as you want Aniston to be? And do you think you won’t be humiliated, crushed, and hurt? No, you won’t be. So shut your stinking hole and stop angering the powers of the Universe. Fucking mean retarded whore.
Wow. Aren’t YOU just the picture of mental health and sanity? Go take your pills, sweetie, they won’t take themselves. haha
UGH. So glad Fish has portrayed this awful woman in a light she deserves.
Hate you, Chelsea Handler. Get a real job!