Letting Chaz Bono Dance With The Stars ‘Harasses’ Christians

September 1st, 2011 // 274 Comments

He’s giving the thumbs up! ‘Tis devilry!

For those of you with jobs that don’t require you to stare into the empty, depressing abyss that is network television, Chaz Bono, the transgender daughter turned son of Cher and Sonny Bono, has been cast on this season’s Dancing With The Stars prompting all kinds of awesome comments on ABC’s message boards. Via Associated Press:

One called the casting choice “disgusting” and said “ABC should be ashamed of theirselves for harassing mainstream Americans and Christains.” (sic)

While Cher has already come to her son’s defense despite the fact 99.9% of all Internet commenters are assholes – The .1% that aren’t? (Or okay, are, but are hilarious about it.) The Most Important People On The Internet! Every Saturday on The Superficial. Bring the kids. – I thought it’d be fun to take a look at some of the previous casting choices that apparently weren’t a vast conspiracy to piss in the face of Christians, but we’re an acceptable part of a wholesome family evening watching Hollywood celebrities wear lavish gowns in pursuit of wealth, as Christ would’ve wanted it:

Shannon Elizabeth – Naked Person
Shanna Moakler – Exposed Carrie Prejean As A Massive Hypocrite
Kim Kardashian – Porn Star/Urinal
Lance Bass – Gay Person
Holly Madison – Porn Star/Former Live-In Prostitute
Pamela Anderson – Porn Star
Kelly Osbourne – Likes Drugs, British
The Situation – Typhoid Mary
Kendra Wilkinson – Porn Star/Former Live-In Prostitute

While we’re on the subject, people often wonder why I make fun of Christians instead of Muslims, and there’s really a simple answer for that: Muslims aren’t the majority religion/political power in America who perpetually get their labia twisted because they’ve yet to realize their two thousand year old book of fairy tales is horseshit and leaves them ill-equipped to deal with the real world. So maybe this will help. Here are things that happen in reality and the sooner you accept them and recognize science wasn’t the writers/editors of the Bible’s strong suit, we’ll be a richer nation for it, and you can stop getting your delicate fee-fees hurt:

1. Evolution is a fact.
2. People are born gay and/or transgender. And hopefully this doesn’t come out wrong, but sometimes people are born with the wrong parts and require a little fix. Like babies with tails. Whoops! Sorry, but fortunately advances in science are here to help.
3. Man-made climate change is a fact. We’re beating the shit out of the Earth, and Jesus isn’t coming back to scoop us up, so it’s a big fucking deal.

Now that’s harassing Christians. Because they’re wieners.

Photo: INFdaily, Splash News

superficial

  1. Emillio Estevez , Jr.

    I’m waiting for the first time he steps on his partner’s foot . They will have to reconstruct her foot and she’ll never dance again

  2. Floyd Jackson

    Ever wonder what his “pole” looks like?

    • can’t look any worse than mine does today. did a shitload of yardwork sunday, found a deer tick on my dick monday, scratched it off not knowing i had poison ivy under my nails (til yesterday)… and just my luck i have a hot date tonite. FUCK

  3. bingledings

    “Now I can finally grow that neckbeard of pubes I’ve always dreamt of.”

  4. kimmykimkim

    I think babies should be allowed to keep their tails personally. Because, honestly, babies are not cute.

  5. God

    Why does everyone always make assumptions about what would offend Me? For the record, Kirstie Alley is much more of an abomination to Me than Chaz is.

  6. Danny Noonan

    Looks like he took a page out of the Homer Simpson I’m gonna eat until I’m Handicapped playbook

    • Basil Pemberton, Esq.

      He looks lithe and lively! I expect him to do the quick step with impeccable grace and style ! Talley Ho!

  7. David Berkowitcz

    Dancing with the Stars ! Star of what ? Turning a hole into a pole ?

  8. Leila

    I started reading this site because a friend I share laughs with recommended it to me. At first, I was a little bit wary–because I hapen to be a woman with natural breasts that are not serving as a chinrest nor a rock hard ass, and the critique of very beautiful women was frankly, scary. I wasn’t too offended, because it’s clearly meant to offend hilariously, and I can respect that. But I liked the style of writing, so I kept coming back. And now I have to say that I am ready to vote FISH because he is freaking awesome and I am shocked to find that I agree with 99.99% of everything he says. In between the pictures of tits and ass, there are flashes of pure genius. And putting those flashes of genius between tits and ass and gossip is also pure genius and 100% American. The only thing I would change is harping on the young girls in hollywood–those girls are already totally fucked based on their piece of shit parents. Give them a break. Otherwise, AWESOME.

    • so far FISH is good with a lot of things and also about 99.99%. first off harping on those girls is what those girls want. or the very least their PR people. If you want FISH to stop harping on them , then contact the hundreds of managers,PR people,acting agencies and tell them to stop. Go after the whole Hollywood. They want their people being talked about. When they tell them to go out in brown leather shorts in their porsche cayenne to parade around. they want people to be rude to them. if they don’t hear “I don’t care whose jism they swallowed, i’ll still eat her out like no tomorrow”. they get disappointed. These women are told from the very start what will happen to them. if they can’t handle it , they are shulffled out of the spotlight so fast you’re head will spin. or if they marry a marvel comics penciler. good example :bridget Fonda. well she married a music omposer.

  9. Chaz's tampon string

    I don’t care if he dances on the show or not . He looks as graceful and poised as a cow on greased glass. The producers are blunt instruments who have decided he is their “lightning – rod ” for attracting viewers who need something novel to watch. This show is programmed with a 4th grade intellectual ability in mind . I encourage all of you with an I.Q. of 70 and below to watch it every week.

  10. Tyronne Washington

    So the Korean kids that bested me in school won’t be watching ? That racist !

  11. thespiral

    Who cares if he’s trannygender or whatever?

    He’s harassing my eyes because he’s TOOOOOOOOO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

  12. Carlos Cornhole

    I wonder if he’s a power bottom? He has a very big bottom !!!!

  13. Tom

    Chaz Bono looks like he should be on an episode of 16 and Pregnant playing the redneck dude who doesn’t know about birth control.

  14. Some people so fucked up you cant even make fun of them. The money they pay him to get the transgender audience on board is absolutely more valuable to him then any sense of self worth he may have so we just need to accept it for what it is. We all have our price.

  15. pascale

    Fish’s commentary on Chri-stains is always bang-on. Love it. Atheism — the only acceptable theism is the lack thereof.

  16. Chaz Bono Dancing With The Stars Lacey Schwimmer
    Tracey
    Commented on this photo:

    Why isn’t anyone chasing Carson Cressley down the street or harrassing that burn victim guy or HEY Nancy fucking Grace is SATAN herself. What about her? She offends me.

  17. Bill Donohugenuts

    I thought Christians didn’t watch TV.

    Instead we read the bible and wack off to images of Mary Magdalene.

  18. Beefarino

    Give the guy a chance to dance. He will probably be better than Steve Wozniak.

  19. sash

    Applause!
    It’s sad really, I’m by no means religious, but when I hear ‘devout christian’ the alarm bells go off big time. People can believe whatever the fuck they want, but the whole holier than thou stunt has been going on for far too many centuries that surely, now would be the appropriate time to get their heads out of their asses.
    Let the man dance!

  20. Venom

    You know what is funny about people that claim they are religious non-believers?

    All you fuckers beg God for your life when you are lying on the table in the ER.
    All the bravado and bullshit is sucked out of you when you are dying or think you might die.

    You want to know why? It is because at the end of the day, you don’t know if maybe just maybe you were wrong about the whole not being a God or Devil or Heaven or Hell.

    You pray and beg God for your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister, your husband your wife and your kids.
    Fish will do it too when the time comes, you all will.

    I have lived long enough to know that human beings are full of horseshit and love to talk big. It is just like the hicks that always say that if anyone tries to come in their house they will get their gun and shoot them dead. That bullshit sounds great until it actually happens. I have been robbed at gunpoint, I can tell you firsthand that life is not like the fucking movies and your opportunity to pull a gun out and be all Dirty Harry are slim to none.

    • naano

      speaking as someone who has battled cancer for years and brushed shoulders with death numerous times, i can tell you that not once have i ever threw a desperate hail mary to an imaginary dude in the sky

    • apollo

      “human beings are full of horseshit and love to talk big”
      Quod erat demonstrandum

      I love that you seem to think there is only one possible god: a merciless one, one for whom we suffer every day, one who we must please in every possible way. That must be tiring.

  21. Compound9

    I hope chaz does the worm.

  22. TomFrank

    Shouldn’t Bristol Palin be on that list? Didn’t she offend Christians by not abstaining from sex at 17 and having a baby out of wedlock?

    • GamerDarling

      Didn’t you know? A baby out of wedlock is nothing compared to being gay! Why that’s an abomination that’s right up there with eating shellfish and wearing shirts made from mixed fibers. Come on dude, read your bible!

    • welldoneson

      what the fuck Bristol Palin has to do with this, no rational person can figure.

      which is why the left bring her up at the drop of a sex-related article.

      one-note ideology and deeply rooted hatred; the soul food of the left.

    • fuckyouwelldoneson

      +1 Tom. welldoneson, its not about right or left, its just fuck you.

      • welldoneson

        you realized you look the asshole bringing Palin into this, now you’re backtracking. oh, and fuck you too, tom, ya fat tranny lover

  23. See Alice

    Who watches that show ?

  24. naano

    i wonder if “fat binge-drinking douchebag ” was the look he envisioned for himself pre op

  25. Compound9

    “Muslims aren’t the majority religion/political power in America who perpetually get their labia twisted because they’ve yet to realize their two thousand year old book of fairy tales is horseshit and leaves them ill-equipped to deal with the real world”

    THANK YOU.

    • welldoneson

      Snivelling about Christianity, fails to take into account the creation by Christians of the fairest and wealthiest countries in history; countries where the overindulged, neurotic offspring of millionaires are allowed to waste resources playing around with their very sex.

      Of course, the agnostic left claim all that they approve of as their own creation. One can’t be a lefty without living in a whole world of revisionism and stupidity.
      They fear the anywhere-approaching-religious because they see them as a threat to their long-term political goals. Period.

  26. Chaz Bono Dancing With The Stars Lacey Schwimmer
    Mark
    Commented on this photo:

    Goddam that’s a fat fucking fat chick.

  27. Mary Roth

    Does anyone care that he’s incredibly fat and out of shape ? Who cares if he was a she or an it !
    This guy looks like he’s never set foot in a dance studio. Do you think he’s going to turn into a ballerina overnight ? He likely to seem like an uncoordinated elephant . How does his “talent ” rate a shot on the show – To make fools watch !

  28. Look, if you are gonna go transgender, at least don’t go “fat fuck who lives in his mom’s basement” transgender. Christ, she took the testosterone. Go to the fucking gym!

  29. aks79

    I totally agree!!!!

  30. Chaz Bono Dancing With The Stars Lacey Schwimmer
    Sledman
    Commented on this photo:

    She still dresses like a lesbian.

  31. Sledman

    She still dresses like a lesbian.

  32. Mohammed Akbar

    Fuck you and fuck Beyonce

  33. Danny Noonan

    This isn’t the beyonce Love – fest blog site!

  34. Ann Elisabeth

    An insult to feminism and womanhood!

  35. Simone Burkehalter

    Do I call it a cunt or a prick ?

  36. Shelley Tarantello

    We’d give her a party out in the salt marsh in Jersey , by t e shore . She would never forget the party in the salt marsh !

  37. seagalisgod

    FYI to Chaz (and George Lucas)…growing a peach fuzz chin strap does not give a person a jaw line.

  38. Carrie

    Does Chaz still get to do a deal with Jenny Craig when the show is over?

  39. Mary Roth

    could he be any more physically repulsive?

  40. John D'anunnzio

    Chaz is a 20 to 1 un favorite !

  41. Giampaolo Tarantini

    What a pig !

  42. dontlooknow

    Thank you Fish, for that moment of sanity.

  43. Chaz Bono Dancing With The Stars Lacey Schwimmer
    Brandi
    Commented on this photo:

    She/he is absolutely disgusting. And it’s not harassing just Christians to have to see SHIM dance, it’s harassing all of America.

  44. Carolyn

    Okay, so hate me. I’m glad he can be what he wants to be, but is there anyone out there who would want him on top of them? Or approaching from the rear?

  45. Bruce Chelmsford

    Maybe Carson and Chaz will “fool around ” backstage . I would watch if I were guaranteed a voyeuristic seat at a gay – transgender makeout session

  46. Cosmic Kat

    He is heavy and he ain’t my brother ! Dud e , how about a salad once in while and cut out the french fries for breakfast !

  47. Dave

    All this over a comment on a message board? YOU FUCKERS ARE RETARDED.

  48. Chaz Bono Dancing With The Stars Lacey Schwimmer
    patrix
    Commented on this photo:

    Its like his face is resting in a beanbag made of hair.

  49. Star Surfer

    Transgenders are proof that God has a sense of humor !

  50. Chaz Bono Dancing With The Stars Lacey Schwimmer
    Greenie
    Commented on this photo:

    What has one thumb and just fucked Lohan? This guy.

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