Charlotte Church is a tank

April 10th, 2007 // 274 Comments

I know Charlotte Church is pregnant, but this is pushing the limits of human comprehension. If she puts on any more weight my brain won’t even register that she’s a person anymore. It’ll just be, “Hey, why is that car wearing a bikini?”


  1. FRIST!!!

    Hey is there a new post yet? This crappy dial-up at work was still stuck on the Scarlett Johanson deal until like an hour ago…I was wondering why someone brought up Charlotte Church out of the blue on one of the other threads

  2. Ted...From LA

    Fish Guy,
    That is very offensive to say this woman looks like a car. She looks more like a golf cart.

  3. azshrink

    My God that binkini actually looks like it is pain. I think I can hear the top screaming.

  4. Jimbo

    FRIST – Yes there is a story about David Buckethead and how he is the father of Anna’s little bastard. The rich little bastard

  5. Jenski

    If she doesn’t care, then we shouldn’t care what she looks like swimming. She didn’t ask to have her picture taken , then posted on this site for all to judge her. Like everyone is perfect every second of their lives.

  6. 15PiecesOfFlare

    Poor thing. But she always did look like she was just keeping the ‘fat’ just barely at bay.

  7. Sandwich

    Yeah yeah she’s bigger than she used to be, knocked up by a footballer, may have been behind 9/11, blah blah blah… but here’s the real question: why is she wearing cornrows?

  8. That ain’t skinny dipping, that’s chunky dunking…

  9. chilichz

    my eyes just exploded and I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth! Thanks Superfish! She looks like she exploded from the inside of a pumpkin..I mean pregnant women can still be beautiful, but da-yammm. Can’t you photoshop Alessandra Ambrosio’s head on top to lessen the pain???

  10. Truthseeker013

    On behalt of the people of Wales, leave Charlotte alone.

  11. pookierama

    she’s pregnant for cryin out loud.. what do you expect her body to look like in a bikini??

  12. justme

    The fat shit opened her big mouth about 9/11.. Friggin cow.

  13. she’s pregnant. she’s allowed to be fat. but for god’s sake put away the bikini.

  14. HeatherLee

    Haha, exactly #111.
    She’s apparently supposed to be thin, light skinned, and oh so pretty in order to look like a beautiful pregnant woman.

    You know, she’s supposed to look unreal.

  15. Sarafina80

    I’m not sure if anyone has said this (as I don’t feel like combing through the rubbish) but I think she pulled down the halter part of her bikini top, which is why it looks so weird. She was probably trying to avoid tan lines. I know this is a random comment, but I just thought I’d throw it in.

  16. hoobastinker

    Charlotte is hot! I want to bend her over and spank that big ole ass with my one eyed soldier, then probe her chocolate star until she sings that high ‘C” note and shatters all the glass in the neighborhood.

    Now that would be fun!!

  17. Nikk The Templar

    For anybody that wants to slam her, watch footage of her talk show. She’ll tear into anyone about anything…and for the right reasons.

    That and her accent is SEXY.

  18. hotredhead

    this is the worst pregnant ever!
    she doesnt even look like she is pregnant… she is just fat!

  19. GG1000

    Yo, um, singer-type chick. Like, the straps in your bathing suit? They actually serve a purpose! They hold your tits up. Just a quick tip, ya know.

  20. jrzmommy♠

    110–On behalf of America….fuck you and Charlotte Church.

    I think it’s hilarious that this fat fuck is from W(h)ales. HAHAHAHA!!!!

  21. jrzmommy♠

    Nice fucking cornrows, too…..A Wigger from Whales

  22. Wow Just Wow

    I hope Gavin Hanson isn’t the father. That would be sad.

  23. DrPhowstus


    She better hope there’s no eskimos around.

  24. freak_show

    She was living large and in charge before she got knocked up. Now, she just has more of an excuse to let herself go.

    That bikini she is wearing is fucked. She had the tie around her neck and then slipped it behind her back for some lame-assed reason. A look maybe someone else could possibly pull off but not her.

    And, lastly, if you know you look that ghastly in a suit, why would you cornrow your hair as well???? Please! White girls shouldn’t cornrow their hair. Attractive on women of color, hell yeah! Attractive on some white girl from W(h)ales (kuddos, number 120), natch!

  25. IrishGal


  26. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Oh fuck off^^^

  27. jrzmommy♠

    125–Can I just say, first of all, your deathgrip on your CapsLock key is astounding. Secondly, we may have given her a mulligan for being so fucking fat and wiggered out if it weren’t for this little gem…”In a recent interview, 15-year-old British opera star Charlotte Church said that New Yorkers are being overdramatic about the attacks of 9/11, and that firefighters are being treated like stars, which she “just doesn’t agree with.”

    so, in closing, fuck you.

  28. jrzmommy♠

    117–”She’ll tear into anyone about anything”… I’d love to meet her some day.

  29. This is a Rock 'n Roll Takeover

    A bunch of people are writing, “Who is she and why should I care?”

    Why the fuck do you care whether it’s Paris Hilton or Charlotte Church? Does it really affect your life in any way? Are you that pathetic? I’m assuming everyone who has time to keep up on every post, comment, reply, etc. on this site is a total fucking loser.

  30. MsSocialist

    You lot can all bugger off and leave her alone. Shes got more money than you have pubic hairs so even though you may think she is a “tank”, shes a bloody rich one. :)

    Oh and Charlotte church is a better role model than any of your stupid american exports like Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie.

  31. MsSocialist

    To be fair, you have been going on about 9/11 for ages now. Build a bridge and get over it, innit bruv. Ja’min?

  32. jrzmommy♠

    130–your money comment is pretty fucking funny…coming from a socialist.

  33. jrzmommy♠

    MsSocialist–you’re just an ignorant fucking cunt….that’s really all there is to it.

  34. whitegold

    #120 – Oh you suck! When I read #110 I so wanted to make a W(h)ales joke, but I was too damn delayed in reading these posts, and now if I make such a joke I’m just going to seem like I’m copying you. Argh, thanks a fucking lot!

    But seriously, the fact that the girl is from Wales is just too friggin funny!

  35. jrzmommy♠

    The Charlotte Cathedral joke was pretty clever. Let’s call her Char-alot from Whales.

  36. lambman

    #125 sounds like a fatty

  37. This is what you guys consider incredibly fat? The woman is certainly overweight (in addition to being pregnant), but when I think morbidly obese I think Aretha Franklin.

    I don’t understand why she’s making matters worse in that bikini, though.

  38. whitegold

    I can’t tell if #130 is defending her or insulting her? Most of the pussy I eat is shaved, so no pubes there. And I like to keep it relatively clean cut also (I do it for the ladies, I’m nice like that). So that being said, when #130 says “Shes got more money than you have pubic hairs”, I can’t help but think that she must be pretty damn broke. Regardless, who makes a joke like that?

    But anyways, if she was once rich, perhaps she spent all her money on food? Or maybe she donated to her local government (i.e. the Save the W(h)ales Fund)? Or perhaps she’s a strong contributor to her Church? Wow, I’m friggin hillarious this morning!!!

  39. jrzmommy♠

    130 is right……Char-Alot is a Roll Model–a Fat-Roll Model!!

  40. katie

    21 is not “certainly” old enough to have a child. where the fuck are you from #34. lousiana? mississippi? some other place that advocates children having children? jesus no wonder you jackasses dont get anything done down there. too busy having a shitload of kids and too young an age. dipshits.

  41. mia

    My god, all those 9/11, anti socialism and anti british comments are so funny… Its almost like if everybody in this world should think like a 40 years old redneck. You guys have the most obese population and you laugh at some girl that is a little overweight?
    Jrzmummyfucker will probably say that i’m an ignorant cunt (like she always says when somebody disagree with her) but you know, I don’t care, i will just continue dreaming about airplanes crashing on her house.

  42. MsSocialist

    9/11 was bollocks. Why are you so shocked that the whole world hates you and wants to fly aeroplanes into your buildings? Shame there wasnt one directed at the white house now that WOULD have been very very sad.

    #138, i want to say something to you in your language so you will understand but what? hmm, i think i’ll go with you are a douchebag. innit.

  43. whitegold

    #142 – You are truly brilliant! Thanks for responding in “my language” so I’d understand? Wait, what is my language? And how does referring to me as a douchebag help to clarify anything related to my post? Oh, wait, I get it, you’re one of those people who, when you have nothing smart to say, just calls people names. That’s really clever of you.

    And you think the death of thousands is nonsense (or “bollocks”)? You think terrorism is understandable? Seriously? And you’re the one trying to imply that calling me a “douchebag” is speaking in my langauage. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

  44. mia

    don’t be ridiculous…
    Everybody (I mean, every country except USA) knows that 9/11 is a big lie. Of course the death of thousand innocent is a shame but this terrorists thesis?? Get over it. Bush did it. And your fucking ”we will save the world!!” attitude did it. You almost asked for it. Your country is the new Nazy. You are the one who invade other countries with your bombs, your soldiers, your culture (can we really call that a ”culture”??), your gastronomy (junk food, corn syrup, i see corn syrup everywere…), your food industrialisation, your music (i mean noise) your movies (i mean porn) and your philosophy (i mean ignorance). So fuck off you silly patriotic shit. Everybody in the world hates your country, open your eyes and jump out of the window. (thank you jrzmummy, i know, i’m stupid/ignorant/cunt/silly/crazy and everything that You are and you keep projecting on me)

  45. Wow Just Wow

    How did a thread on this greasy whale devolve into a paranoid rant about kooky 9/11 conspiracies?

    Yo, I was there. Planes hijacked by Muslims flew into the buildings. al Quaeda took credit, enough said.

    Shut up and show some respect for the dead.


  46. mia

    By the way, this girl is pregnant. So all the fuckin fatty computer addict here should stop believe their own lies when they say that they are better than she is. You’re 115 lbs and have DDD boobs? It’s ashame you don’t have a picture to prove it… You are athletic and you eat thousand of (shaved) pussies a day? Great, that’s a normal fantasy for a 14 years old virgin. Your boyfriend says that you are cuter than alessandra ambrosio? Maybe he just want a (another) blowjob. You have 15 babies and your still slim and tight as a 20 years old cheerleaders? Well, great for you! that is call anorexia. Your girlfriend says your dick is the bigger? Maybe she just don’t want to be slap in the face… again.

  47. mia

    (jrz)mommy, I see planes everywhere! planes are bad! planes are evil!
    No darling, muslims are bad, all strangers are bad.

  48. This is a Rock 'n Roll Takeover

    Mia, you are so completely ignorant, it’s disgusting. Most Americans aren’t happy with what is going on with our country right now, most of us are against the war, against Bush, and aren’t the obese, porn-watching, money hungry assholes you write us out to be. Maybe if you were just somewhat intelligent (we’re not asking for miracles), you would see that. As much as I hate George Bush, there is no way in HELL that he planned that attack. There’s just no way. You really think he’s that smart? Honestly? And I don’t know where you’re from, but we’re not the only country who is in danger of being attacked. And if it weren’t for us being attacked, England would be just as fucked because no one would have beefed up security the way they did after 9/11.

    If you want to start a political debate, here’s really not the place to do it. Further proving what an ignorant piece of shit you must be. It’s people like you, walking around with all this animosity towards a group of people you don’t even KNOW, that makes this world such a shitty place to live in. If you want to worry about what’s going on in other countries, why don’t you get off your lazy ass and try doing something about it? Grouping Americans together and talking about how awful we are puts you in the same class as George W. So have fun with that, dick.

  49. ladyobloom

    #144 (mia)…

    I won’t even address the moronic lunacy of your arguments. however, i would like to implore you …before you write anything…please learn how to spell or construct a sentence intelligently. otherwise, dearest, anything you say will be taken as seriously as a second grader would be when talking about such heady topics. oh sorry, unless you are a 2nd grader, then all is forgiven. but then again, a 7 year old may know how to spell “nazi” so that can’t be you.

    go to school. get an education. grow a brain. then come back.

  50. mia

    Really, i’m the one with all this animosity towards group of people i don’t know? I know, iraqis, afghans, syrians, iranians, palestinians, chineses, russians etc, they are not group of people, so you have the right to kill them.

    By the way, Bush wasn’t elected by other countries. You did it.

    Citizens got the ruler they deserve.

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