Charlotte Church is a tank

April 10th, 2007 // 274 Comments

I know Charlotte Church is pregnant, but this is pushing the limits of human comprehension. If she puts on any more weight my brain won’t even register that she’s a person anymore. It’ll just be, “Hey, why is that car wearing a bikini?”


  1. Anexio

    Jayzus, who invited shamoo?

  2. KatieKates

    Come on already – the Superficial is way too slow with its news. I want some Birkhead headlines!

  3. jrzmommy♠

    KAH-BOOM! Jesus.

  4. that bathing suit looks like it’s holding on for dear life!
    i’ve seen cows cuter than her (and she’s bigger than one.)
    charlotte church is fat regardless if she’s pregnant or not. she’s just…fat.

  5. N@ughty

    #28 sorry…you’re number 28. keep trying though.

  6. Nikk The Templar

    I like Charlotte.

    She’s got an awesome accent and she’s not afraid to rip into someone.

  7. Didn’t she used to be a child prodigy? I haven’t seen her in years.

    Boy did she get fat.

  8. Lobo

    Is she pregnant, or did she just swallow Jonah?

  9. jrzmommy♠

    she looks like a big fat fucking butch bull dyke. fuck her.

  10. N@ughty

    #58 both. jonah’s due in about 4 months

  11. Jimbo

    Is that bathing suit from the Uma Therman collection? I did not know it was in fashion to tuck your tits under your arm pits.

  12. Jimbo

    @59 Dang!! Do you kiss jrzdaddy with that mouth?

  13. BaldingSuperhero

    Dude… there’s better news to be posted right now…

  14. What a fat pig, that’s what she gets for saying 9-11 was no big deal, and the firemen who lost friends in New York City should “stop whining.”

    Fat bitch. You’re as fat as your career is dead.

  15. julyper

    She doesn’t look pregnant. She looks fat. Not the same thing.

  16. veggi

    TurdFurguson- Are you also Bob Packwood?

  17. NicotineEyePatch

    ‘Fishdude was watching the video of Charlotte Church bounding around on the beach and her billowing rolls lulled him into a sweet slumber.

    Wake up, Fish, there’s babydaddy DNA news!

  18. Kelly

    she looks like a cow! Only 4 months pregnant, too!

  19. Beyond the baby bulge,(And at only four months, there shouldn’t be that much of a bulge) there comes a time when you must either step away from the bikini or the donuts…the twain do not work together, unless you’re bulimic.

  20. Jimbo

    All that blubber is not from being pregnant. She has been hitting the all night ice cream bar. I bet her husband has not has a good blowjob in weeks with all of that eating

  21. BaldingSuperhero

    Isn’t this the bitch that said we shouldn’t treat the 9/11 firemen like celebrities “’cause they’re not?” And didn’t Tina Fey say on SNL that she would be fat when she got older?

  22. BaldingSuperhero

    Ahh, I found it: “In a recent interview, 15-year-old British opera star Charlotte Church said that New Yorkers are being overdramatic about the attacks of 9/11, and that firefighters are being treated like stars, which she “just doesn’t agree with.” But don’t be too hard on Charlotte, because she’s only 15, and when she grows up, she’s gonna be fat!”

  23. RunningWithCarsAndBoysWithScissors

    and since it’s taking superfish forever,
    larry birkhead is the father of anna nicole’s baby

  24. rmeno

    yes she is most def FAT..when you’re pregnant your arms, neck, and legs don’t triple in size and roles of flab don’t suddenly appear falling off your back…this girl needs to start watching what she eats, because when she gets closer to that last month, she’s IS going to be a big as a whale!

  25. Damien8086

    I don’t get this site – she doesn’t look that big or bad at all. She is a little heavy, but give me a break – she’s not as big as many here are alluding to. What’s with the posters on this site – you make fun of “celebrities” if they’re too skinny and then you make fun of them if they’re a bit chunky. They’re damned if they do and damned if they don’t. I’m sure that everyone here is perfect looking right? Personally, I think Charlotte Church looks pretty attractive in this picture.

  26. Shanipie

    damn it, i didn’t know u carried the fetus in ur legs!

    She is obviously not that pregnant. She must have been fat before cuz those legs are huge and nasty. And for the love of god have some taste an wear a freakin tankini!

  27. Lobo

    Hey Charlotte . . . Rosie O’Donnel called.
    She wants her legs back.

  28. Juliana

    This can’t be Charlotte Church!!!!!!!!! This looks like a light version of a black person. Not our pretty little Charlotte!

  29. Lowlands

    Instead of being the singer Charlotte Church she looks more like the local fish and chips stall owner.Luckily for her it’s the voice what’s most important.But she’s trying us out and pushing it to the limits.

  30. Badmofo210

    Wow still no one had made a joke about her trying to look like a rapper. maybe she thought it was a way to deter from anyone looking at her fat ass oh well guess that plan went down in flames…. Oh #75 only reason being too fat is bad for celebrities is cause they know they are in the limelight and if they do get fat everyone will be talking Sh*t. and if they are Un-healthy skinny people also make fun of that. there is a healthy weight people could stay at if they know they are in the public eye. good example Kate Beckinsale, or even *cough* Drew Barrymore.

  31. Lal

    Seriously, that’s absolutely disgusting. Why do fat people wear bikinis? They should be shot.

  32. Manistoned

    I guess I will have to be Larry Birkhead’s body guard now.. to keep the horde of whores away that are trying to get their slimy hooks into him now.

  33. woodhorse

    #75 More succinct: what is NOT to be made fun of?? Whale blubber that puts on a bikini is funny (and gross)and Nicole bearing an uncanny resemblance to Mahatma Ghandi while strutting down a beach (also grossly in a bikini)is funny (and scary) so basically, anyone who wears a bikini is fair game. Because even if you have a perfect body we are going to say you look like a tranny. Funny stuff.

  34. irshliquor

    I’d still suck on her brown eye between her huge, pillowy asscheeks for hours.

  35. chaunceygardner

    She shall henceforth be known as ‘Charlotte Cathedral’.

  36. chaunceygardner

    And, I’m sorry, but white chicks do not look good with ‘rows.

  37. ladyobloom

    First of all, Charlotte Church is NOT AN OPERA SINGER! Calling her an opera singer is offensive to actual opera singers. She and her idol, Sarah Brightman, are pop/musical theater singers who attempt to sing operatic material. That doesn’t make them opera singers. Far from it.

    Secondly, whether your preggers or not, you really should know where to draw the line between good and bad taste. If you have a lot of self-esteem and you don’t care how you look in a bikini, please consider others who have to see it as well.

  38. castanza

    I have to only wonder how many of us look any better in a bathing suit. Well, I know I do. But I can speak for all of.. us.

  39. Wow, I thought I was fat…her thigh is the same size as my waist…holy smokes!!!
    I don’t really know her, did she used to be skinny or something? I mean why is this news?

  40. pirhan

    Why are the straps under her arms and not over the shoulder?

  41. LadyJane

    Well, many women carry differently when pregnant. I carried my babies in my uterus. Ms. Church apparently carries her babies in her thighs, ass, tits and love handles.

  42. misslesley

    I am finding it harder and harder to believe that this is the same girl…

    Anyone else is disbelief?????!

  43. Jimbo

    @90 I have seen your picture, you are not fat, and you are cuddly

  44. FRIST!!!

    Awwww….I’m cuddly???

  45. imran karim

    she doesn’t even look preg. just giggly

  46. ManiacFive

    Well this is Charlotte Church, she did once say (though this probably wasn’t picked up on in the US press) that shes a normal girl who love curries.

    She looks normally fat, i’d be happy with that preganant and fat. i’d be more worried if she were Jordan and fat

  47. Who the hell is she?

  48. greeneyedcat

    eh she just needs a different bathing suit. everyone is entitled to swim, the ocean doesn’t care.

    i’m glad not all of the “celebrities” are perfect looking.

  49. Jimbo


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