Stephen Dorff Cheated On Charlotte McKinney, Is A Goddamn Idiot

Stephen Dorff had the incredible privilege of jamming his penis between Charlotte McKinney’s giant breasts whenever he wants. So naturally like any man faced with an embarrassment of riches, he constantly wondered what other vaginas might look and/or feel like. Maybe some of them had wings. Or an Xbox! Page Six reports:

“He was fooling around with other women,” said a source, who added of the Carl’s Jr. model, “Charlotte has been dating Stephen for a while, but he carried on ­texting other women and inviting them over to his house on the beach in Malibu.”
The May-December pair, who are 20 years apart, had been dating since April of last year.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be smoking eCigs and duct-taping my penis together so it doesn’t shatter like a frozen pipe the second Charlotte McKinney makes eye contact with me then tells her bodyguard it’s that weird guy from the internet again. The one with the exploding dick. “Wear goggles,” I’ll hear her say as a ringing fills my ear and people clutch their children in horror. “It’s Penis 9/11!” they’ll scream as they flee, “IT’S PENIS 9/11!”

Fin.

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Photos: Tyler Kandel