Charlie Sheen praises new marriage by trashing Denise Richards (Ah, to be a newlywed)

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller (above on their honeymoon) wed over the weekend and Charlie’s calling this his “first real marriage.” He spoke to OK! Magazine and said he’s done talking about Denise Richards – forever. Then, naturally, he spent the next hour bitching about her. For your reading pleasure, the rantings of Charlie Sheen:

He also has made a promise to himself, never to utter Richards’ name in public again. It’s a lesson he admits has taken a long time to learn.
“I’m so tired of talking about her and all her shenanigans,” he said. “It is what it is. I don’t even care anymore. I’m going to take a stand to basically never utter her name publicly again, and I think if that’s known, it will put an end to some of the drama.
“I think it’s no accident that whats-her-face chose this time to do what she did. It’s pretty obvious that Brooke and I, through our actions and union, are moving on with our lives. Perhaps somebody else should consider the same.”

How the hell does Charlie Sheen keep getting women? Are chicks into dudes who love porn, always talk about their ex and throw tantrums about the government controlling us with antibiotics? Because, please, someone tell me before I waste another dollar at the Olive Garden. I could be saving precious cash watching porn at home with Miss Right while wearing a tin-foil hat. It’d be like I was living The Bible almost.

Photos: Splash News