Charlie Sheen praises new marriage by trashing Denise Richards (Ah, to be a newlywed)

June 4th, 2008 // 73 Comments

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller (above on their honeymoon) wed over the weekend and Charlie’s calling this his “first real marriage.” He spoke to OK! Magazine and said he’s done talking about Denise Richards – forever. Then, naturally, he spent the next hour bitching about her. For your reading pleasure, the rantings of Charlie Sheen:

He also has made a promise to himself, never to utter Richards’ name in public again. It’s a lesson he admits has taken a long time to learn.
“I’m so tired of talking about her and all her shenanigans,” he said. “It is what it is. I don’t even care anymore. I’m going to take a stand to basically never utter her name publicly again, and I think if that’s known, it will put an end to some of the drama.
“I think it’s no accident that whats-her-face chose this time to do what she did. It’s pretty obvious that Brooke and I, through our actions and union, are moving on with our lives. Perhaps somebody else should consider the same.”

How the hell does Charlie Sheen keep getting women? Are chicks into dudes who love porn, always talk about their ex and throw tantrums about the government controlling us with antibiotics? Because, please, someone tell me before I waste another dollar at the Olive Garden. I could be saving precious cash watching porn at home with Miss Right while wearing a tin-foil hat. It’d be like I was living The Bible almost.

Photos: Splash News
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  1. miggs

    I can smell her pussy.

  2. Vote Democrat!

    First!

    Vote Democrat!

  3. noneyobeezwax

    marriage is a farce created by the church to control the masses.

  4. JonBenet Gesserit

    FRIST!

    Denise AND Charlie need to grow up.

  5. JonBenet Gesserit

    FRIST!

    Denise AND Charlie need to grow up.

  6. Vote Democrat! ...

    …and the terrorists win.

  7. Linda

    Any female that would marry Charlie is a desperate gold digger. No amount of money in the world would make it worth marrying Charlie and having to deal with all his sexual stuff and affairs.

  8. noneyobeezwax

    democrats are also a farce created by lazy asses that want handouts from the government

  9. Cindy

    She’s really airing it out…must have a fly problem.

  10. Auntie Kryst

    Wow being frond of interweb paid off for Charlie Sheen. He really did find his true love on one of those spamming sites..

  11. Britney's Nappy Weave

    Wow, he looks totally gay holding his cigarette like that. Maybe she’s a beard.

  12. Mr. Happiness

    She looks cunty and his tats are way gay.

  13. snarky

    blah blah blah blah, who cares. The only time he’ll ever really shut his piehole about Denise is when Brooke divorces him & he starts bashing her.

  14. m

    How do a couple of sentences turn into “the next hour bitching about her”?

    Weak sauce, fishy, weak…

  15. pete

    I hope Fish posts another story with pics that can go into the “So Freaking Hot” section. The top row is stomach-turning right now.

  16. butterfly

    Denise is no angel…has anyone seen her show? Maybe I shouldn’t admit I watched it. LOL. But seriously, Charlie really is a tool. Yes, they BOTH need to grow up. I feel bad for their kids.

    And Brooke? Writing is on the wall babe..I’m all for a happy marriage, but take some notes girlfriend..you can’t say you weren’t warned!

    I think Martin Sheen is awesome..what happened to Charlie? In this case the apple fell about a mile away from the tree! We rarely hear about Emilio…He must be the normal one.

    I’d LOVE to hear Heather’s thoughts on all of this – but she’s too classy to get involved in the mud-slinging. And we all know how Richie’s dealing with things..he’s at the local bar. Just get a cab this time!

  17. max

    2 – kill yourself.

    4-Um, actually it’s spelled FIRST. Oh yeah, and kill yourself.

  18. Eric

    The last one was a bitch and this one is a cunt. Charlie, you never should have stopped paying for your holes (to go away afterward).

  19. Charlie is the MAN! That guys has had more quality pussy than most guys can dream about.

    Oh, #8 – you are a douche. though, you probably are one of the 23% who still think Dubya is doing a good job and in that case don’t even know what a douche is since you probably can’t spell (or read).

  20. Randal

    Sunshine, lolly pops….rainbows, gumdrops….popsicles, sunny days….fudgesicles, clouds go away.

    Randal

  21. zuzuspetals

    He’s disgusting and she has to be one of the stupidest women alive to marry him. I hope she has a plan to dump him and get some cash out of this deal because I can’t imagine what else he would be good for. If she has even a shred of intelligence she will set aside some money for lots and lots of therapy later on.

  22. min

    #17 – “frist” is a longstanding joke here, like your penis.

  23. Republicrats and Democans…

    because I could give a rat’s ass about Chucky here…

  24. m

    #23 and yet you bothered to read the comments, how quaint

  25. HuckyDucky

    sportsdvl – Me cant spel eder cuz me went to yer public screwels.

  26. HuckyDucky

    Although I agree with you that Charlie is a stud that will always get massive amounts of tail. He had me at “You want to hear about the whores, don’t you”.

  27. Ed

    So…finally, it’s down to Crabby Old Splotchy vs. the Underfed Nig. Invading Iran vs. preaching the Koran. Senile dementia vs. verbal diarrhea. Social security benefit checks vs. welfare-for-life. Stepford wife vs. bobbing chickenhead. Melanoma vs. sickle cell.

    The best we could do…???

  28. Harry

    Hey, at least she’s guaranteed to get something out of this train wreck of a relationship. Look at that Sarah Larson chick, who tried to parlay her 1 year with Clooney into a modelling career, before getting kicked to the curb because she kept talking about marriage. Must suck to be flying to Cannes, Lake Como, and attending the Oscars one day, and working for tips the next. Probably as much as it sucks to be a Republican this year, with Bob Dole The Sequel as your (low) standard bearer.

  29. deacon jones

    I always thought I’d end up like Sheen if I was famous. Addicted to coke and escorts, with a wallet to support it continously……… yessss

  30. ph7

    She has nice body.

    And she signed the pre-nup.

    Perfect!

  31. Paolo Maldini

    Charlie should have his own man show and explain it to the rest of us. Lets see, score pussy from age 12 with numerous startets, get paid to be in crappy movies like Men at Work and The Chase which provides the cash for multiple hooker adventures. When pop gets on you to be normal and have a family, a hottie like Denise Richards readily marries you and gives you two kids after constantly spreading her legs for your contaminated cock. After ripping her apart for a couple of years, she leaves and you get to spend more time with porn and hookers and there are plenty of women to marry you even though your sitcom is harder to watch then Queen Latifah in a swimsuit on a beach. He probably has a perfectly heatlhy colon and no liver or sexually transmitted diseases. If anyone deserves a reality show that I would watch, its this guy.

  32. deacon jones is an idiot

    @#29 hahahahaha! You are such a loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Pat

    Sheen is an idol for slobbering porn addict losers, like Jimbo.

  34. Charllie Sucks

    This guy has some serious problems. He will never change who he is.

  35. HEY! I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK NUMBER THIRTY THAREE!!

  36. Charlie’s tats look totally stupid, like they were temporary stick-on tatoos, and his tits look almost as big as hers.

    I bet his nipples are just stick-on tat nipples, made to hide the fact that his real nipples are probably bigger than hers; tats for tits.

  37. Jimbollina Seville

    #17
    I thought it was common to spell first like this around here
    FRIST!!

  38. Ron

    I hope she ends up psychotic and disease-infested, like Denise. All women are cunts. All you can do is enjoy yourself a little while inflicting as much harm as possible.

  39. Please be patient.
    NEXT WEEK IT’S THE RIGHT TIME FOR A SERIOUS FIGHT!!

  40. The Truth

    Martin Sheen is a hardcore liberal and this is what those “values” produce. Children of liberal parents are the disease that’s crippling our country.

  41. Dorito Man

    She’s most definitely pretty. Too bad she married this trash heap called Charlie Sheen.

  42. #4 yes??
    #5 what??
    #10 that cracked me up, Auntie
    #37 no, it’s spelled FRIST!!! you have to have THREE exclamation points to be considered valid

  43. vapidelf

    Guys like Charlie Sheen are incredibly fun to hang out with and wonderful sweet guys, until you marry them. Smart girls know when to cut and run, the naive or greedy ones get sucked in.

  44. PunkA

    As long as Charlie is one of the richest guys in Hollywood and pulls in the fattest checks in TVland, the guy will continue to get women. Period. LA is full of people who just want to live that lifestyle and will prostitute themselves to get with someone who has it. Charlie is filthy rich, will ocntinue to be filthy rich, and after his next divorce, he will continue to get chicks.

  45. NY Ted

    Didn’t Charlie say the same things about Richards when they were married? About how he had finally found the right girl…and how happy they were to be really married…and how happily ever after they would live…???

    This is just another blimp on the marriage radar for Charlie…he’ll be like Larry King when he gets into his 70′s…too many wives to remember.

    Stick with the whores Chuck…no hassles that way.

  46. I dislike Denise Richards even more after forcing myself to watch her lame ass show…It’s Complicated. It should be called “I’m a dumb bitch!” She’s an embarassment to her kids. What a hypocrit moron…after ABC’s the View.

  47. I dislike Denise Richards even more after forcing myself to watch her lame ass show…It’s Complicated. It should be called “I’m a dumb bitch!” She’s an embarassment to her kids. What a hypocrit moron…after ABC’s the View.

  48. Chupacabra

    Man… those tats are BAD.. he makes that chick from Transformers look totally bad-ass after all.. jesus.

  49. Jackson'shole

    This marraige will not last. Sheen is good looking but I wouldn’t fuck him with your cunt and three condoms. I don’t get what’s going on here, but Sheen will never ever change.

  50. deacon jones

    @32
    They’re my two vices, give me a break.
    Porn and blow help us guys escape the daily realities of nagging girlfriends and dirty laundry

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