Charlie Sheen is hilarious, let’s forgive him!

January 5th, 2010 // 41 Comments

At a table read for Two and a Half Men following the holidays, Charlie Sheen made a joke about his holiday fiasco which cracked everybody up so he wouldn’t knife them in the pancreas. RadarOnline reports:

Jon gave a quick answer and the producer moved on to Angus T. Jones and after Jones answered the producer moved on and said, “Charlie, what did YOU do for the holidays?”
As everyone laughed, Charlie answered, “Well, I met Kobe Bryant’s bail bondsman!”
And yes, the entire room cracked up.

Kobe Bryant’s bail bondsman! HAHAHAHA! You held a knife to your wife’s throat! HOHOHOHO! You two have infant twins! HEHEHEHE! They’ll probably see one of you drunkenly murder the other. BAHAHAHAHAHA!

*wipes tear from eye*

Thank you, Charlie Sheen. I needed that.

Photos: WENN

  1. Charlie Sheen's Penis

    I’m tired….

  2. Charlie Sheen's Penis

    I’m tired…..

  3. Casey Johnson

    I’m dead…

  4. Walter

    You know, this “knife to the throat” story comes from a very drunk and very emotional woman out for revenge. Outside of her words, I have yet to be made aware of any corroborating evidence. Yes, he had a knife in his bag. So what? The mere presense of a knife does not prove the assault. Look at what she has to gain from lying. Show me the evidence.

  5. Dogless

    Anyone who marries Charlie Sheen, knowing his track record, kinda had it coming.

    What? She thought she could change him?!

    I think this proves that women do have brains one third the size of men’s.

  6. JiggaJay

    I thought the joke was pretty funny.

    Bitch had it comin…..

  7. thesuperficial..comehere

    You’re very funny The Superficial guy…come here now

  8. jim eh

    Gold-digging super slut monster cock teasing skanky bitch-assed fuck.

  9. Fribble

    He ain’t no Tila Tequilla. Now, SHE’s funny!

  10. Anexio

    Am I the only one here that thinks the bitch desearved it?

    Come on! Sometimes a woman won’t listen and you need to slap her around a little bit to wake her up and get her attention, just like a dog.


  11. What

    It’s too bad you’re being sarcastic because I love this guy more and more.

  12. Randal

    Charles, don’t listen to the haters only you know the truth that night. Looking great – as always and a true credit to the industry! Looking very sporty in a Rene Chilrot shirt and Reshaut jacket.
    Sometimes a woman won’t listen to reason and you have to give her a little jab or a hard slap now and again.
    Keep up the good work.


  13. He looks absurd

    He does not look like he’s had too much botox.

    Ok he does.

  14. BennyfromThames

    @#5- Thank You! I’m so tired of self deluded women hooking up with crazy fucks then being surprised when the crazy fuck acts… crazy! Let me give all the future dates/wives of Charlie boy (an guys like him) a clue- 1) You are not going to change him…ever, 2) Yes, he lied about changing for you “surprise stupid”, 3) If he tells you to shut your pie hole just shut the bloody hell up, remember HE”S a tad CRAZY! He will not think things through like say stabbing you in the throat when frustrated, 4) Stop dragging other people into your cluster fuck bullshit relationships, & 5) It’s not all men that are worthless, it’s your ability to pick a decent guy that’s worthless!

  15. Cristina

    You are all huge pieces of shit

  16. Child Star known formerly as Webster


    Someone should shank his unfunny ass
    Now THAT would be funny
    Oh wait, then all the worthless scum that idolize Charlie would lose their shitty role model

  17. Dr. Phil

    He knows what he’s doing. She wants to stay with him, and I bet her listening skills are much improved.

  18. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Mr Lohan, Mr Sheen, Mr Gosselyn – gha ha haaaa ha ha haaaa haaaa haaaa
    Real prize. I wonder how many of those infamous types walk in the streets of an average town in the US

  19. BO knows

    I sure hope he wins another Emmy. He deserves it.

    And if Obama doesn’t get the world’s first back-to-back Nobel Peace Prize, I’d say that Charlie Sheen has a great shot at it.

  20. And he has that nose twisted in the middle, piculiar feature that serial killers and maniacs have, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had killed somebody already.


  21. Doc Schweinstrudel

    He cracked up so hard at his own joke that his wig almost fell off.

  22. antoine bugleboy

    The irony of this post is that WE forgive YOU all the time just because you’re hilarious fish.

    Posting stuff about Heidi & Spencer is way way worse than some lame knife to the throat.

  23. Ramon

    Brooke Mueller is a fucking babe. I would never pull a knife on a piece of ass like that. Instead I would make slow, sweet mouth-love to her butthole at least once a day. Charlie Sheen is a fucking cunt.

  24. lily

    I only visit this site for the Randal remarks.

  25. Leila

    I LOVE this one! Especially love that even a site that is almost entirely dedicated to tits and ass has enough of a clue to figure out how jacked up Charlie Sheen’s shit is. And I mean that sincerely. As a Berkeley grad and as a woman, I should be repelled by this site–but I think it’s twice as smart as most of the other “reporting” out there. Can Charlie Sheen’s co-stars be anymore cowardly? Terrorizing your young family–yeah, that’s hilarious.

  26. truth doctor

    Typical liberal. Show a little remorse, crack a joke, and all is forgiven.

  27. Charlie sheen is a good actor and so are his movies too. His movies are hilarious too, he definitely can be forgiven.

  28. Dancing With Baphomet

    It’s questionable whether or not she is trustworthy. She’s had alcohol and drug problems.

    From the get go, it could have been assumed that she would cause him to use alcohol and/or drugs.

    Still, it seems that she was the one who had the mental and physical break, not Charlie.

    She probably wants back into his life to take another shot at ruining and robbing him. She might try to do something to break the prenup. She’s already getting a million dollars more for lying to the police while drunk then retracting the statements made. She doesn’t have to do much to get another million. She’s ruined his repaired reputation. She can turn on him again and ruin his reputation more because lowlives like to pile on like mad dogs and make snap judgments.

    She’s the one who should be held in suspicion. Charlie looked very healthy when they met. Since she’s been in his life, he seems to be not quite doing as well.

    So far, the bad behavior seems to be coming from her.

    When my ex threatened me I didn’t see him for years. She’s running right back to Charlie, so it looks like something is fishy with her story and that she may be setting him up to ruin him.

  29. Lisa

    Let’s see he threatened to kill his ex-wife multiple times, and he told her he’d hire someone to do it. From the details on TMZ, he did the same thing to Brooke and even held her down with a knife to her throat. Now that his PR people are trying to clean his shit up again by spreading garbage on Brooke to make her look bad, he’s probably telling her he’ll hire someone to kill her
    So how I can’t seem to laugh at Sheen’s TV antics any more. He is disgusting and so is CBS.

  30. eva

    I hope all you guys who say “the bitch deserved it”
    don’t ever have their mothers or sisters beaten or their lives threatened.
    Because it seems great to say such fucked up asshole things behind the anonymity of the computer screen, but it’s not so funny in real life.
    But most pricks on here still are unwilling to get it. I feel bad for our society these days and our girls who are growing up in it.

  31. something he did can not be forgiven

  32. Charles

    While I do NOT condone violence against women, I will say this: We do not know what truly happened on Christmas day. I do respect Sheen as an actor, and respect his privacy. If he did what they say he did, yes, he needs counseling. However, the records state his wife was legally drunk, while he was not. It could have gone either way. Maybe he was the aggressor, maybe she was.

    We don’t know for certain, as the facts are skewed by the media. All we can do is remain neutral. We will never know the true facts of the matter. It is a matter he and his wife need to deal with. Let THEM deal with it.

    I, for one, enjoy the simple humor of his sitcom and will continue watching it. I just hope the best for the both of them. Just don’t judge on matters we have no true idea about. If you like his show, watch it. If not, then don’t. We, as the public, will never know the certain truth.

  33. he is not even close to being funny

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  36. Charlie sheen is a good actor and so are his movies too. His movies are hilarious too, he definitely can be forgiven.

  37. William

    Sheen is a cunt bad. Have any of you ourt ther ever struggled with an addiction, especially one as long as dip shit has had for over 22 years, for you dumb ass sheen fans out there that’s ten years plus twelve years, just kike he said in a radio interview. But hey, I guess he’s ok because he healed himself with his mind. OMG< What a miracle… OMG, What a dumb fuck statement by a coked out druggie. The sad thing is I used to like him, but I had to go through mental rehab to figure out what a cunt ass baby this bitch is. And I will end by saying two things sheen, and no i won't capitalize a cunt's name, sheen it a whiney bitche's bitch and he's just a whiner who is still a bitch, or cunt, or cock sucking cock hungry egotistical piss ant who makes 1.2 plus million per episode who's complaining like a bitch that he has to go to rehab for his "consumption", or the hospital for his so called "hernia", (lol) (BTW, I have the same type of hernia, so FUCK HIM ANF HISD PHONEY BULLSHIT) and then he talks himself out of a show, not only causing him a financial loss, but the whole cast and staff, WHAT A SELFISH PRICK.. if you still love this fuck head then you are worse than a fuck head, you are a waste of humanity flesh and clear thought because you are intoxicated, hopefully not on just a suitcase of coke, but lots of liquor and all kinds of stimulants, at least this way you won't be around too long. FUCKERS!!!!!

  38. charlie's mum

    forgive this worm? only on the superficial would something like this exist. congratulations for being relevant.

  39. amanda bynes
    Commented on this photo:

    both need to crawl in a hole and die off.

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