Charlie Sheen’s on a Bender

Charlie Sheen needs to be on the Hollywood set of Two and a Half Men in an hour. Problem is he’s still holed up in Vegas with Bree Olson (above) – along with apparently two other porn stars – and has been for the entire weekend which has producers and friends freaking out. Of course, there’s nothing to worry about because clearly he’s in good hands. TMZ reports:

Olson is 23 years old, and in 2008 won Best Anal Sex Scene at the AVN Awards.
Olson has range — she was also a nanny on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”
Olson is 118 lbs, 34-28-24, and her favorite musical artist is The Carpenters.
Olson went to college for a year, majoring in Biology.

See? He’s with a biology major who loves The Carpenters. What could possibly wrong? Now, let’s talk about what’s really important here because Charlie Sheen is immortal and could never possibly be in real danger: The Kardashians hiring porn stars to play nannies on their show. Just when I think these people can’t be anymore fake, they find a way to surprise me. Because apparently the real nannies who take care of little Mason are too ugly to be on TV which is always a great message to send to someone who’s alone with your infant for long, unsupervised lengths of time. “Okay, give him a bottle at noon and then stay out of the shot while this woman who has anal sex on camera pretends to be you because your face makes me cry. Thanks!”

UPDATE: As predicted, Charlie’s alive.

Photos: Getty, Splash News, WireImage