Charlie Sheen’s on a Bender

January 11th, 2011 // 82 Comments

Charlie Sheen needs to be on the Hollywood set of Two and a Half Men in an hour. Problem is he’s still holed up in Vegas with Bree Olson (above) – along with apparently two other porn stars – and has been for the entire weekend which has producers and friends freaking out. Of course, there’s nothing to worry about because clearly he’s in good hands. TMZ reports:

Olson is 23 years old, and in 2008 won Best Anal Sex Scene at the AVN Awards.
Olson has range — she was also a nanny on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”
Olson is 118 lbs, 34-28-24, and her favorite musical artist is The Carpenters.
Olson went to college for a year, majoring in Biology.

See? He’s with a biology major who loves The Carpenters. What could possibly wrong? Now, let’s talk about what’s really important here because Charlie Sheen is immortal and could never possibly be in real danger: The Kardashians hiring porn stars to play nannies on their show. Just when I think these people can’t be anymore fake, they find a way to surprise me. Because apparently the real nannies who take care of little Mason are too ugly to be on TV which is always a great message to send to someone who’s alone with your infant for long, unsupervised lengths of time. “Okay, give him a bottle at noon and then stay out of the shot while this woman who has anal sex on camera pretends to be you because your face makes me cry. Thanks!”

UPDATE: As predicted, Charlie’s alive.

Photos: Getty, Splash News, WireImage

superficial

  1. Fuck Charlie Sheen,Bree Olsen rocks

    • Happy Spillmore

      Thank you Charlie for having the wherewithal to properly show women their places in life.

      You are providing a priceless community service and deserve the equivalent of The Nobel Peace Prize for your constant effort in Humanitarian Societal Gender Role Placement.

      Kudos fine sir…

  2. Drop it like its hot...

    She is quite an artist….

    • Fatty2X4

      Best POV BJ on Pornhub

      • Bree's Dad

        As Bree’s father I can tell you that her mom and I are just so proud of our little girl.

        And what father wouldn’t bust with pride when he finds out that that Charlie Sheen of all people is giving his wittle girl a brown shower and some verbal/physical humiliation?

  3. Chicken Ala Kinky

    That made me literally laugh out loud! Well done, Sir

  4. DogBoy

    Anal: Who could miss that (sizable) target?

  5. carrieann26

    The flooding in Australia, the weather conditions in the Southern United States, the aftermath of the Tucson shootings… Screw all that, THIS is the news story I’ll be keeping an eye on today!

  6. Bree Olson
    Andriiya
    Commented on this photo:

    34-28-24? Is this a typo or is her waist bigger than her hips? And why does that bother me more than the anal sex/fake nannying?

    • Dre

      @andriiya, lol that is exactly what I was thinking the whole time I was reading this article, I don’t that it would be possible to have those measurements..

  7. joho777

    Has anyone thought what an ugly life porn stars lead?

    Picking up a violent abusive drunk like Charlie Sheen and spending days humoring him, watching him drink, and screwing him?

    What a life!

    • do you worry about the ugly life the urinal at the bus station leads too?

      • retired from Greyhound

        I was the urinal closest to the door in the Ames, Iowa Greyhound station for over 40 years, and, sir, mine was not an “ugly life.” I was pissed in, spit in, ejaculated into, vomited into, even bled into, but there was nothing ugly about this, for this was the purpose that God put me here for. My wife Latrine and I are enjoying our retirement, and we have no regrets about how we lived our lives. (Latrine was a whore, and was also pissed in, spit in, etc.)

    • Richard McBeef

      Good thing pornstars aren’t people or I would feel bad for them.

      • I heard a guy saying once that they might have souls, but after he strangled a few he agreed that no, they probably don’t.

      • GravyLeg

        Actually, I will have to go with a Peter Griffin comment on this one…

        “…but I’ll tell you what’s not cool–killing strippers. Strippers are people too; naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain of a VIP room. Besides, there’s no reason to kill them, ’cause most of them are already dead inside”

  8. Bree Olson
    Jesus
    Commented on this photo:

    GAWD DAMN!

    That is all.

  9. Josephus

    It’s about time one of these celebrities banged a porn star I’ve actually jerked off to before. I was starting to think I was sheltered.

  10. Bree Olson
    Roman
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m pretty sure he’s in Cabo, considering Bree Olson tweeted this yesterday…

    Thank you everyone for seeing me at the Vegas show! That was so much fun! Omw to Cabo for 10 days. Hold tight! I’ll be back soon :)

  11. Truly Charlie Sheen is a prophet, sent from the very gods themselves to show us mortals the way. In other news, emilio estevez was quoted as saying “anybody remember me?”

  12. datroof

    I spank it to Bree an hour before work all the time.

  13. fester

    I’ll bet Bree gives up anal now that she’s seen an ancient sagging asshole up close.

  14. Nihilist

    Big deal. If the other 2 aren’t Chavon Taylor & Gracie Glam I couldn’t care less.

    • Happy Spillmore

      Wow. youve enlightened us to a new fetish…

      The midgetized, homeless, ex taco bell employee type…and to think some people find scat disgusting.

  15. Josephus

    Also, bender, hardly knew her, etc. etc.

  16. Cock Dr

    I can always rely on this site to “show me the bimbo”.
    She’s a little broad across the beam for a porn star.
    If I was in one of those dead pool betting games I would have Charlie at the top of my list.

  17. bi chick

    38-28-24?? Picture that for a moment…it’s got to be a mistake. 28 is a little thick in the middle for a porn star but 24 hips? Strangely small and just the idea of the hips being smaller than the waist is fugly.

    • Clyde

      Yeah, you can tell by looking at her that the hip measurement is wrong. It was probably meant to be “34″ instead of “24″, but even then I think her hips are bigger than that. Girl is thick all around.

  18. Bree Olson
    Ozymandias
    Commented on this photo:

    If he’s with Ashlynn Brooke as well, that makes him officially my hero.

  19. Richard McBeef

    Who gets to decide best anal scene? What kind of criteria are used to make that judgment?

  20. Drew

    “Going to college for a year” constitutes legitimately majoring in something? No wonder the Amurican education system is considered a joke to the rest of the world.

    • Brooke

      Seriously? Because I’ve studied abroad in Japan and those schools weren’t half as rigorous as the American school system. They pretty much just handed out degrees even if you didn’t show up or do the work. Unless you’re talking about how athletes get their dicks sucked by the entire faculty because they can catch a ball, because I do really hate that.

      Maybe in snooty tootie England they’ve got better schools, but just because she chose a major in her one and only year doesn’t mean the school acknowledged her as a Biology major. Normally you declare a major in your second year.

  21. Rough: I like you & I like others too

    3 porn stars you said? I will monitor this situation more closely, though Mr Sheen should expect a lawsuit for living my life…

  22. burton

    COMPLETE FEMALE TRASH…NOTHING MORE THAN A FUCK AND CHUCK, AND EVEN I WOULDNT FUCK HER, SHE IS GROSS AND DIRTY AND PROBABLY WILL GET HERPES BEFORE SHE IS 30…WOMEN LIKE THIS ARE TRASH, THE SAME A STRIPPERS,HOOKERS,NOTHING BUT TRASH THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED.

    WHAT GREAT PARENTS THEY MUST HAVE.

    • Richard McBeef

      it’s just to the left of the “A” key. you should turn it off before it fucks up your hotmail log in.

      strippers, hookers etc only exist because there is a market for them. blame me, a chronic masturbator, for their existence rather than their parents.

    • Helpyourfellowman

      HANG IN THERE KANYE WHITEY WEST, YOU WILL GET SOME PUSSY SOON, RELAX, AND IT WILL HAPPEN

      POOR TITTY BABY HATES WOMEN AND WONDERS WHY HIS DICK IS FULL OF CUM EVERY DAY DAY IN AND DAY OUT.

      SAD

    • TheGooch

      Herpes before she is 30?!? 100% she has herpes now. Who the fuck gets herpes AFTER 30?!?!

  23. Bree Olson
    burton
    Commented on this photo:

    DO THESE STUPID CUNTS GROW UP THINKING THEY WANT THIS? MY DAUGHTER IS 23 AS WELL, AND IS IN UNIVERSITY AND SMART AS HELL, HAS CLASS AND GRACE, SOMETHING ALOT OF WOMEN LIKE THIS CHICK DONT HAVE…REALLY PEOPLE, BREE HATES HERSELF, WHAT KIND OF WOMAN WOULD DEGRADE HERSELF LIKE THIS, THERE IS A MILLION OTHER WAYS TO MAKE A DOLLAR AND THEY DONT INVOLVE HAVING YOUR BUTTHOLE FUCKED TO SHAMBLES…WOMEN LIKE THIS ARE GROSS.

  24. Bree Olson
    bassface
    Commented on this photo:

    Shouldn’t that say Rosy Palms?

  25. radio_babylon

    saying “Charlie Sheen’s on a Bender” implies charlie sheen was at some point NOT on a bender… which would be the *real* news, if it ever happened.

  26. mandy

    I think the best part about all of this is that TMZ has reported ” Charlie Sheen has hooked up with three WHOLE porn stars in Las Vegas — all at the same time … during what we’re being told is an EPIC bender”

    1) Whole porn stars vs. partial porn stars
    2) Epic Bender – It just has a nice ring to it don’t cha think? I kinda wanna go on one.

  27. GravyLeg

    At this point, it would only be a news alert if he WASN’T on a bender…

  28. Bitter End

    Bree Olson is one of the filthiest porn stars out there too, her twitter is constantly updated with tales of how she wants random guys to cum inside her. Here is one: “Any men in the Fort Wayne area wanna come fill me with cum before I leave town? I’d like 10-20 guys tonight. I’ll take it in the ass too.”

  29. zilly

    If that cow is 118 pounds, she’s gotta be a midget!

  30. Charlie’s cock must be a wart with smoke coming out if it by now.

  31. Reggie Rhino

    Charlie Sheen has been on a permanent bender ever since he played one of porn’s infamous Mitchell Bros. He is so high on shit that he still is “auditioning” porn stars for future “Mitchell Bros” movies.

  32. Rocky's Bullwinkle

    Bree is a fine person for Charlie to be with but Bree, this is downgrade for you! Ron Jeremy would be a better choice.

  33. Hey, remind me, at what age does paying for sex become sad?

  34. My favorate line of the thread

    “Olsen has range” Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Yes, she has all sorts of acting chops cancha see??? She can take it in the ass AND be a wholesome Nanny to Kardashian bastard spawn!!!

    Charlie Sheen is truly living the American Male dream. Porn stars, drugs, booze, fame, money, celebrity, AND he has reached 50 without looking to slow down let alone stop!!! I, for one, salute you Mr. Sheen!!! Dont’ let the Moral Majority tell you that you are doing anything wrong man!!! Keep living your life and doing what most men, if they weren’t so afraid of their wives/churches/girlfriends/ parents, would love to be doing right now!!!

    What kills me most is that his ex-wife, who is certifiable in her own right, supports him and covers his tracks!!!

  35. GravyLeg

    Where the hell is Eric Roberts when we need a “Star 80″ completed pronto??

    • sobrietyisacrutch

      He’s at Celebrity Rehab with Leif Garret and Jeremy London.
      These guys make it fun to play “Six Degrees of Separation”.

  36. lightdragon

    well she was a biology major. didn’t exactly fall from that field did she.

  37. my last one

    She does the BEST double penetr@tion scenes I have ever seen in my life,
    She takes on two guys at the same time like a champion, then sucks both of them, a ss to mouth, then lets them cum in her mouth,
    Truly one of the best females on this planet,
    I would do anything, sell my soul to be with her, Anal is my one and only dream, that i have not been able to do, I would give my soul to the devil just to be with her

    I hate charlie sheen ,lucky bastard

  38. • Awesome
    • Time to sick INTERVENTION™ on Charlie’s dumb ass
    • Link to award-winning scene?
    • Still awesome
    • Why do whores… suddenly appeear… every time… I drink beeeer ♪♫

  39. Brooke

    If Snooki came in vanilla, she’d be this girl.

  40. Bree Olson
    Hmmmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    Enjoy it now honey..I see the short bus to Cheesetown is on time, and you look like a ticket holder. P.S. jogging might help..but i fear after half a block, you will hear the telltale squeaks and hiss of the pneumatic brakes and an open glass door. “Climb in princess, We need to swing by the Cyrus house..time is money..”

  41. Funeral Guy

    Two points:

    I never really bought into the sex addiction thing but Charlie Sheen is making me rethink my position.

    Bree Olson’s ass is getting really big.

  42. Mo

    38-28-24?? So her waist us significantly larger than her hips…?

  43. Bree Olson
    still hit it
    Commented on this photo:

    hotel in vegas …filled with booze and chicks with big tits into anal………id have to be dragged out kicking and screaming too

  44. lkflfklkfffff

    Let’s see how that works out ten years from now. The sun and hard living usually doesn’t end well around 35.

  45. Bree Olson
    arnieblackblack
    Commented on this photo:

    These are the diameters of her: anus, vagina, mouth…not in that order or maybe not?

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