Charlie Sheen Went On Top of a Building With a Machete

March 8th, 2011 // 116 Comments

“And this, my peoples, is what I shall use to cut your childrens throats- Wait. Wrong speech. This, my peoples, is what I will use to cut the whores. There, much better.”

After being fired from Two and a Half Men yesterday, Charlie Sheen decided to go on top of the Live Nation building in Beverly Hills with a machete because he’s a freedom fighter now. Yes, nothing will stop Senor Carlos from fighting for his peoples. And by peoples I mean his paycheck from the last eight episodes Warner Bros. canned because you can’t pay hookers in catchphrases. I’ve tried. People reports:

“Put yourself in my shoes for one warlock nanosecond. At some point there is nothing to say. Only war to wage … The winds are howling tonight. The gods are hungry. The beast is alive. And awake. And deadly.”

You know what I love most about that quote? Charlie Sheen actually said the words, “At some point there is nothing to say,” as if that could ever possibly happen. It’s to the point now where he runs out of milk and goes on an eight hour diatribe about clans of breached whales plotting against his warlock kingdom for control of Tiger Blood Fountain. I’d start calling him Crack Tolkien, but he hasn’t claimed to possess the One Ring yet. You really want to save that bomb for a courtroom.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News

superficial

  1. the captain

    .THE MAN’S GOT HUMOR.

  2. kkat

    The man is bat shit crazy…

  3. cc

    ‘Oh no, I am about to get decapitated. Hey! It’s going to be in front of the cameras…at least I’ll be famous!’

    • just here for laughs

      Yeah, he’s laughing now, but years from now when he looks back on this period in his life and sees this picture, maybe he’ll see what it really was…bat shit craziness.

      • the only opinion that matters

        wow, you are hella optimistic, first off that he will be alive years from now and second that he will ever acknowledge that he is bat shit crazy!

  4. Yo mama...

    boring….

  5. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Sharkbait
    Commented on this photo:

    Look legit.

  6. Charlie Sheen Machete
    kkat
    Commented on this photo:

    He’ll be dead by his own stupidity in 6 months

  7. Get Ready

    Look out behind you! Hollywood’s Gaddafi is enraged with tiger blood!

  8. argleblargle

    This man has been playing too much WoW. Maybe he can write some warlock fanfic.

  9. mr t

    Total publicity Stunt….I think he is just trying to be funny…..

  10. Charlie Sheen Machete
    J
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s not even fucking drinking it….what a fucking douche.

  11. HLM

    I’m thinking this is all an act at this point…Charlie trying to prove that he’s somehow “better” than everyone around him. But honestly, who is going to hire him now that he’s taken it from Good Time Charlie to Charles Manson’s Protege?

  12. all i know is i haven’t had to see that fat ass snooki or any other dipshit for well over a week…THANK YOU Charlie Sheen!!

  13. Charlie Sheen Machete
    bronsoIX
    Commented on this photo:

    OK, this was fun for a while, but now that he’s in on the joke: it’s over.
    cf. William Shatner, Adam West, Carrot Top, Donald Trump

  14. m

    notice how pretty much the only sane words that come out of his mouth are the prepositions…

  15. Charlie Sheen Machete
    J
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s that saying?….”Shoot first, ask questions later”…That should have been applied in this situation. Law Enforcement you have failed us.

  16. Skins

    The machete represents how hip and on the cutting edge Live nation is. They’re all over this already tired story they are!

  17. LJ

    One of the “Team Sheen” enablers who were up on the roof with him, might have mentioned to Charlie that it might not be a good idea to wave a machete in front of a crowd the day before you are going to court to battle over custody/vi­sitation rights over your children.

    • Cock Dr

      Yeah, with a whole team of Tweeters, hookers, fluffers, sobriety coaches, lawyers & other assorted sycophants you’d think that one of them would pipe up about rooftop machete shennanigans possibly damaging his custody case.
      Wonder what’s really in that bottle he’s chugging from.

  18. Eric

    If there was every any doubt that the cheese slipped off his Ritz, that has been put to rest.

  19. “By the power of cokewhore! I have the power!”

  20. Charlie Sheen Machete
    xxx
    Commented on this photo:

    with every post i find him to be a little bit more awesome than before!
    and i’m so sure he will get the money for the last episodes

  21. “By the power of Greyskull!”

  22. Glenn Beck

    hey werent you begging him to shut up in the post directly before this one?

    thats right – your pathetic blog depends on retarded shit like this

    bring on the haters

  23. say whaaaaaaaat?

    who dat negro?

  24. I am going to drop this off this roof, and whoever it lands on will be going with me to the Bahamas!”

  25. LIZ

    I don’t understand why people are surprised by this. I saw it and thought, “Meh.” Come on now, Charlie. I know you’ve got better tricks than this in that certifiably insane bag of yours.

  26. cc

    In Charlie Sheen’s remake of ‘Apocalypse Now’ Colonel Kurtz is portrayed as a young black man.

  27. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Spocktopus
    Commented on this photo:

    “There’s not nearly enough cocaine mixed in here… but there’s just the right amount of crazy.”

  28. Winter

    It’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.

  29. Perhaps one of the SW’s porn experts can ID the chick crazy enough to go up on a high rooftop with machete crackhead.
    Well, it’s good that he’s outside getting some fresh air. I think he needs it.

  30. Jay

    Losing his fucking mind.

  31. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Charlie’s teeth appear to have gotten the message that it’s not a safe haven in his gums; they are leaving town.

  32. viva la revolución, eh carlos? the life of a repo man is *always* intense!
    oops, wrong brother..

    charlie, you look like a fuckin clown. literally. i KNOW you’re balling your eyes out inside.

    get help, if only to learn to live for your kids, who probably still think you’re the greatest man in the world. snuff it falling off a roof thinking you can fly next, well guess what they won’t even remember you in five years.

  33. RevInterrupt13

    i’m very nearly convinced that Mr. Sheen is dropping some that old red magic known as Tussin, Dex, DXM, Robo, ect..

  34. FamousPlastic.com

    Oh yeah, he is totally sober. Machete, cigarette and swiggin’ “Tigers Blood” out of a bottle on the top of a building in Hollywood. My dad pulls the same sh*t, but thankfully he is not famous so they just throw him in jail…

  35. Herself

    For Frodo!

  36. Mia

    he should use that machete to cut the bullshit…

  37. Winter

    Funny, the guy who was waving a machete in our down town dunkin’ donuts last summer got arrested. Celebs get free pass for everything.

  38. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Commented on this photo:

    I’M the tiger, fuck face. and i have THREE machetes. get off my fuckin cloud!

  39. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    Alcohol companies everywhere are desperately trying to copywrite the name “TigerBlood”…if they aren’t maybe they should be.

  40. I hope The Charlie trademarked “tiger blood”, because that is the drink of the new millenium.

  41. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    Heath Ledger Dies of accidental overdose…Charlie Sheen lives intentionally overdosing every day. Theres a funny message in there somewhere..

  42. I think Live Nation is trying to show that even with a coked up psychopath swilling tiger blood and waving a machete at a black man, they’re STILL more respectable than Ticketmaster.

  43. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Jay
    Commented on this photo:

    So let me get this straight. Sheen drinks Tiger’s Blood and ends up banging a shit-ton of hookers. How did he ever get Mr. Woods to part with it? Maybe there is truth to the whole slicing throats.

  44. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Ron Mexico
    Commented on this photo:

    JUMP!!! JUMP!!!! JUMP!!!!!! You wont.

  45. Charlie Sheen Machete
    gooch goo
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve decided to head up a fundraiser to hire an ex-KGB sniper to take his ass OUT already. Anyone care to be charter donors?? A gift of $100 or more gets you one stab with that very machete once he’s writhing on the ground after being shot!

  46. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’s the dude in front of him and why is he smiling so much? If I had a coked-out crazy man wielding a machete above my head, I wouldn’t be smiling about it.

  47. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Al Coholic
    Commented on this photo:

    “Nope, look’s like the answer’s not in this bottle of Tiger Blood either…”

  48. Jay

    My god… He’s flaunting the weapon of choice he used to steal Mr. Woods’ hooker banging blood, and what’s left of the evidence.

    • Bob

      Speaking of which. We haven’t seen Tiger in the news in a long time. Are we sure he is even still alive after the vampiric assault on golf’s greatest player?

  49. mean tina

    one swoop down to emasculate. oh please, oh please.
    xoxo,
    all the goddesses of the world

  50. mean tina

    fish should post the story about charlie sheen having no real teeth left. def not warlock-like.

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