Charlie Sheen Wants Mila Kunis Now

April 7th, 2011 // 88 Comments

Apparently Charlie Sheen watched Black Swan recently because now he can’t shut up about making Mila Kunis one of his goddesses. Also, cocaine makes you a delusional egomaniac. Probably should point that out, too. RadarOnline reports:

“Here’s the good news – my goddesses have already f**king approved her. She’s pre-approved!” Sheen said. “I would have great tolerance for many missing items provided it involves Mila f**king Kunis: If Mila Kunis is stealing your s**t , trust me, you’re still f**king winning, you’re still winning at that moment.
“I’m going to go on her Facebook page and discover her likes… I’m going to buy them all and then she can come steal them. A super f**king hot thief named Mila Kunis. Mila, please, we we have a warehouse full of your favorite s**t to steal.”

It really says a lot about Charlie’s relationship with his goddesses that his first reaction to bringing Mila onboard is he won’t care if she steals his shit. Clearly these chicks are robbing him blind and there’s nothing he can do about it because how else is he going to get laid? Go on dates? AHAHAHAHA! You can’t pull a knife at Olive Garden. He’s tried.

Photos: Getty, Splash News


  1. Savalas

    And people claim that he’s insane….

  2. she’s startin to look like vanessa hudgens. except vanessa shows her pussy off

    • puttypants

      She doesn’t look at all like vanessa….does every burnette with long hair look alike to you??? She’s always looked the same. She’s always been beautiful, quirky and fun.

    • Dingle B.

      And Vanessa has a great body. Mila is cute but essentially a bag of bones.

    • obregon

      She’s always been alpha Hudgens to me as well. She’s not particularly attractive, she’s kind of the 00′s version of Heather Locklear.

  3. youcandieNOW

    She should immediately get implants so he’ll leave her alone.

  4. Whoa, whoa there Charlie. I was in line first.

  5. DrunkRussian

    Gotta agree with Chralie: she can come over and steal any of my shit anytime. I’ll leave the door unlocked.

  6. Charlie Sheen Mila Kunis
    Commented on this photo:

    Well – who doesn’t? First.

  7. Zeke

    so do I Charlie. So do I.

  8. blythe

    I wish the laws of gravity would spontaneously cease to apply to this man.

  9. dpbefun


  10. The Critical Crassness

    At least this Charlie Sheen post is tolerable, since the pictures are of Mila Kunis and not the delusional, cokeheaded whore-lover, Charlie “Dead Man Walking”Sheen…Thanks for that,Fish!

  11. Crabby Old Guy

    Damn – first time I can actually agree with that stupid phuk.

  12. LJ

    (OFF STAGE VOICE)….­…….Hey Charlie!!!­!!!!!

    “Lindsay™ is the unemployab­le one who steals shit.

    Mila Kunis was the one of the skinny dancers in that movie last year”.

  13. Cock Dr

    This gal has her pick of entertainment studs & she’s no longer visually impaired. Sorry Charlie…..please resume snorting blow off your hookers & leave women with genuine careers alone.

  14. Deacon Jones

    The funny thing is, he probably could’ve landed her a couple years back….

    On a sidenote, she looks like she’d be fun to get stoned with

    • lauryn

      you’re an idiot because a.) charlie NEVER coulda hit that b.) you only think of the “stoned” thing because she was on That 70′s Show and is “quirky”. how original

  15. Bob

    What a delusional nutjob seriously. He pays whores, calls them ‘goddesses’ and they’re obviously robbing him blind. Mila will probably pee herself laughing at him!

  16. Wow, pre-approved? I haven’t pre-approved a woman to sit on my penis since I already did that for every vagina on the planet. Charlie’s got to step up his game, maybe he should get some beads and hot glue gun and make her another one of those dresses she seems to like.

  17. Dan

    WAIT WAIT – this makes sense. She was with Macaulay Culkin forever.



    Charlie Sheen isn’t out of line here. She has really poor taste.

  18. “Now”?!? Like there was a point in recent history where every male in the US who wasn’t Ryan Seacrest didn’t want her?

    • My Name Peggy

      This might be a sign of Charlie sobering up. This is easily the most reasonable thing the guy has said in a long time.

  19. Jimbo

    um… everyone wants Mila Kunis. Why is this news?

  20. He sounds less like Charlie Sheen and more like Capital One.

    • Josephus

      “What’s in your wallet?”

      “Um, three dollars, an old condom, a dimebag of oh, rhetorical question. Gotcha.”

  21. Soju

    If Charlie Sheen is talking about Mila Kunis’ thievery, he might have been watching Extract instead of Black Swan. In Extract, she plays a small-time thief/confidence woman opposite Jason Bateman.

  22. Hotness

    I think the what he’s referring to is the movie Extract where she plays a theif…..

    • If Charlie is mistaking films for reality, maybe he’s mistaking her for a 12 year old girl who is training to be a hitman, and also mistaking her for a different actress.

  23. Josephus

    Yeah. he’s cured.

  24. anon

    um…yeah…charlie can fucking go away now.

  25. Mama Pinkus

    LOL, his gold-digging whores approve. That poor, deluded man.

  26. Allison

    I am one of the finalists for Charlie Sheen’s social media internship. If my job description includes “looking up hot actresses’ likes and interests on Facebook”, I’m quitting.

    • Winning, Duh!

      Yeah, cuz that would be much worse than the actual job requirement to jam balloons full of coke up your ass to get them through airport security. or being around Charlie Sheen several hours a day, listening to his crazy rambling. or having to pretend what he’s saying makes sense, and that you agree.

      • Clueless

        If you think that intern job won’t suck way, way, way, way worse than “looking up hot actresses’ likes and interests on Facebook,” you’re an idiot.

  27. dennis

    charlies out the box but i dont blame him. have u seen her spread in maxim?

    • puttypants

      have you seen her photo’s in LA times mag in Feb??? She looked like the virgin princess. It’s the most beautiful spread I’ve seen on a woman in a long time.

  28. ghost

    I hope Mila Kunis has better sense.

  29. Screw that, I would steal her shit. But then again, I don’t have 2 1/2 men money.

  30. FaithAndHope

    Black Swan sux Aranofskys a sophomoric douche bag & Mila’s got a tacky face like a idiot’s idea of “hot ”

    And this blog is Satan

    • puttypants

      and really you’re the idiot. what are you doing on this site….she’s most beautiful woman in world.

  31. Chase

    Hey guess what . I have Two and a 1/2 dollars . Maybe if Milla Kunis wants to “steal” into my place huh . ; ) Maybe we can snort cocaine and hallucinate / get crazy like a drug user what about it Mila.

  32. Rabbit

    I think he should bang Miley. She’s already a fan of his, and would probably spread those legs for just about anyone.

  33. lol um

    his irrational way of coming at women makes me think the guy has never had a serious relationship

  34. mean tina

    didn’t his own dad say he is emotionally and mentally stunted from the age he started using drugs? no wonder acne-ridden teen boys see him as a hero.

  35. Ruth


  36. Artofwar

    .. Who would have thought Mila Kunis would have turned out to be such the little computer monitor jizz instigator, she has so turned out to become. Charlie Sheen should be beaten to death with a ball-peen hammer for coming within a thousand miles of this masturbatory creature….Artofwar

  37. Morning Quickie

    There is no way Mila would join in that insanity.

    I can’t believe people would act like this. Not only Charlie but the 3000 people who joined in his insane rage:

    You can’t help but have sympathy for Denise Richards.

  38. i would like to use her asshole as a tongue sleeve…

  39. Charlie Sheen Mila Kunis
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s so fricken cute. I’m a girl and I’m straight but I think she’s too adorable.

  40. Hey baby. I won’t insult you by calling you a whore that would sleep with me for merchandise, but I’m going to buy some cool stuff and if you sleep with me and then steal it, I won’t call the cops. Tiger Blood.

  41. Get in line Warlock

  42. s'up bitches

    I remember back when he was divorcing Denise Richards. Everyone thought she was a psycho bitch with all of her claims. If I was her I would be writing a book right now.

    • LJ

      There’s probably a “You can’t write a book while I pay you alimony” paragraph in the divorce settlement.

  43. Brent

    If Charlie Sheen so much as touches one hair on her perfect head, I’ll deliver to him a torpedo of truth that he won’t soon forget.

  44. the captain

    don’t do it: SHE IS AN AGE PERSON IN A SPLIT SECOND.(without make up)

  45. Ash Bones

    Well Duh who wouldn’t

  46. Burt

    “Go on dates? AHAHAHAHA! You can’t pull a knife at Olive Garden. He’s tried.”

    Funniest commentary in a while.

    I don’t know if Charlie Sheen wants to go there. Mila Kunis is Russian…She’s got cousins who can really &@$% him up if he tries to shoot her in the arm, which is bound to happen with Charlie Sheen.

  47. He should have decided that before she got her sight back.

  48. lolliegag

    Wow, he is delusional. She is way out of his league.

  49. Charlie Sheen Mila Kunis
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    I used to like Sheen, but now he’s annoying.

  50. him and about a million other people

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