Charlie Sheen Walks Free After Pleading Guilty to Assaulting Wife

Seen here triumphantly leaving the Aspen courtroom yesterday, Charlie Sheen pleaded guilty to assaulting Brooke Mueller over Christmas and somehow managed to receive a sentence that makes Lindsay Lohan look like she’s going through the crucifixion. For threatening to kill his wife in a drunken/possibly crack-fueled rage the actor was sentenced to 90 days of rehab in lieu of jail and, surprise, he’s allowed to use time already served at Promises, the Club Med of rehabs, to avoid suffering any more consequences for his actions. The AP reports:

The “Two and a Half Men” actor pleaded guilty Monday to misdemeanor third-degree assault in exchange for prosecutors dropping two other more serious charges, including a felony charge of menacing. He was sentenced to 30 days in a rehabilitation center, 30 days of probation and 36 hours of anger management.
Sheen has 30 days to make arrangements to serve his sentence at Promises Treatment Center in California, though whether he will actually have to report there remains in question.
Sheen’s attorney, Yale Galanter, said the actor has already spent 93 days at Promises this year and the center could choose to credit that time toward his sentence.
“Credit for time served is absolutely on the table,” Galanter said. “How much credit he gets is up to Promises.”

In a situation like this, the last thing you want to do is act like a glib Hollywood douchebag who just got served the sweetest helping of celebrity justice on a silver platter. So, of course, guess what Charlie Sheen did in front of TMZ:

After avoiding being sent to the unhappiest place on Earth (jail) … telling TMZ on his way out of court, “I’m going to Disneyland.”
And Charlie knows how good he has it — because as he walked out of court, he told us, “Yale Galanter is a rock star, what can I tell you?”

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that serving absolutely zero jail time for threatening to murder a woman feels like winning the Super Bowl to Charlie Sheen and makes his attorney seem like a superhuman being with epic powers. However, in his defense, Charlie also yells, “I’m going to Disneyland” before soliciting hookers, finding a bag of crack on the sidewalk and stiffing Denise Richards on child support. The man’s easily excitable.

Oh, and a dick. Almost forgot dick.

Photos: Getty