Charlie Sheen Walks Free After Pleading Guilty to Assaulting Wife

August 3rd, 2010 // 55 Comments

Seen here triumphantly leaving the Aspen courtroom yesterday, Charlie Sheen pleaded guilty to assaulting Brooke Mueller over Christmas and somehow managed to receive a sentence that makes Lindsay Lohan look like she’s going through the crucifixion. For threatening to kill his wife in a drunken/possibly crack-fueled rage the actor was sentenced to 90 days of rehab in lieu of jail and, surprise, he’s allowed to use time already served at Promises, the Club Med of rehabs, to avoid suffering any more consequences for his actions. The AP reports:

The “Two and a Half Men” actor pleaded guilty Monday to misdemeanor third-degree assault in exchange for prosecutors dropping two other more serious charges, including a felony charge of menacing. He was sentenced to 30 days in a rehabilitation center, 30 days of probation and 36 hours of anger management.
Sheen has 30 days to make arrangements to serve his sentence at Promises Treatment Center in California, though whether he will actually have to report there remains in question.
Sheen’s attorney, Yale Galanter, said the actor has already spent 93 days at Promises this year and the center could choose to credit that time toward his sentence.
“Credit for time served is absolutely on the table,” Galanter said. “How much credit he gets is up to Promises.”

In a situation like this, the last thing you want to do is act like a glib Hollywood douchebag who just got served the sweetest helping of celebrity justice on a silver platter. So, of course, guess what Charlie Sheen did in front of TMZ:

After avoiding being sent to the unhappiest place on Earth (jail) … telling TMZ on his way out of court, “I’m going to Disneyland.”
And Charlie knows how good he has it — because as he walked out of court, he told us, “Yale Galanter is a rock star, what can I tell you?”

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that serving absolutely zero jail time for threatening to murder a woman feels like winning the Super Bowl to Charlie Sheen and makes his attorney seem like a superhuman being with epic powers. However, in his defense, Charlie also yells, “I’m going to Disneyland” before soliciting hookers, finding a bag of crack on the sidewalk and stiffing Denise Richards on child support. The man’s easily excitable.

Oh, and a dick. Almost forgot dick.

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Well, of course he does.

    • ROUGH the pumper

      lol look at Charlie doing the dictator wave in pic 1…

      Look don’t be mad the man loses a BENZ every week, and you want him to go jail for nonsense?

      • Who’s mad? It’s typical in Hollywood, that’s all I meant by my comment. If you or I did anything close to what he did, we’d get locked up. I don’t give a shit about Charlie Sheen and his manwife.

  2. Kaz

    Hahahahaha he like **** hahah

  3. Kaz

    Crazy man

  4. Kaz

    I’m most handsome in the world

  5. As well he should!

    The guy is a major star for gods sake.

    Friggin’ bitch deserved the back of his hand. She needs some STFU lessons.

    OUT!

    • um didnt he put a switchblade to her throat? yeah reward him with a new season at like 5 million an episode. fuckin cali justice for ya..

      • “um didnt he put a switchblade to her throat?”

        Allegedly, and so what if he did? Some of the less evolved people on this website can’t seem to understand is a great man like Charlie Sheen is a major star. He was a major star before his TV show. Rent “Food Fight”, or “Predator, the Concert.”

        Watch those two movies and I think you’ll see what I mean when I say that Mr. Sheen is a national treasure and I for one think the guy should be given a break, based on just those two movies.

        OUT!!

      • :D i get jokes. ya meayb i’d give emilio a pass for repo man

  6. Kaz

    Kaz sexy of the sexiest

  7. Slig

    How’s care??

  8. Kaz

    take this man trhow in rubbish cuz he useful in the rubbish haa haa

  9. Dank

    God dammit. I wish someone could do something about these assholes that get off scott free because they’re celebs and have money. Fuck that.

  10. Slig

    Im most handsom boy and cute body

  11. Izzy Pop

    Good. Another victory for equal rights.

    You see that bitches? If you act crazy and assault someone, dont expect NOT to get hit back. Its part of those equal rights you want.

  12. Dank

    Jesus christ, doesnt anyone else around here speak english?

  13. Kaz

    Comeon comeon look at me how i’m beautiful boy in the earth

  14. Slig

    He nathing nathing

  15. Kaz

    I’m hot and sexy body

  16. Slig

    Come come look at me how pretty boy

  17. Slig

    He like old man want to be young .go go go

  18. Slig

    Go go go eat eggplant

  19. Cock Dr

    Who will be the next Charlie Sheen spouse & will she survive the experience?Time to find another gullible, greedy party girl……perhaps in rehab?

  20. alex

    At least the AP has an editor…you’ll notice you wrote, “plead guilty” when you should have used “pleaded guilty.” As someone who writes in the public eye, I’d say you typically have wonderful syntax but today you get to learn something. (you can thank me the next time Lindsay is in front of a judge)

    And before the comments calling me a “boner” or something, I know, I know, who gives a fuck, right? Well for everyone reading this post who didn’t already know, “Plead guilty” is incorrect. Pleaded guilty is correct. (its a pet peeve of mine)

    Now I’ve done my part. I wont be helping any old ladies across the street but at least I can say I did something good today for my fellow man. Wow, I’m pathetic.

  21. dee

    What’s with the baby duck hair???

  22. What a life, party, drink, bang hookers, beat the crap out of the old lady, don’t go to jail and get $2 mil an episode to play yourself on a sit com. Life does not get much better than Charlies life…

    • Cock Dr

      After this current TV show sails off into the sunset no one will want his aging pocked face.
      All of his children & ex’s will hate him & will badmouth him, unless they need money.
      He will die prematurely, alone & in debt…maybe in a Benz at the bottom of a CA cliffside.

  23. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Despicable. The ugly bastard should do time in jail – but I guess that’s the Law in the US right, if you are rich and famous what other citizens must obey you can s*hit on if you have fame and big ca$H

  24. Charlie Sheen
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy is the worst actor on the planet. I have no idea how he gets jobs. He has no facial expressions in any of his scenes..it’s just the same old smirk.

    On top of which he’s a complete fucking idiot.

  25. Ted

    Come on, the case should have been thrown out entirely – you can do whatever you want, legally, to a crack whore.

  26. Charlie Sheen
    Poptart
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow…he looks alot older than his dad, Emilio Estevez!

  27. Franksinatrastein

    Make sure you support him by watching his shows, buying whatever he’s hawking on TV (underwear, last I checked), etc. Don’t take any kind of moral stand here – tell yourself that work is work, and life is life… and the two have nothing to do with each other.

    And the millions he makes from dunces watching him are then used to let him beat up women and walk away with Club Rehab.

    Well done, Charlie Sheen fans! Bravo!

    • Doc Schweinstrudel

      So damn true Frankie, who watches his show? It’s NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      His acting sucks. So does his skin.

  28. oermens

    move over tiger woods, i now have a new hero.

  29. Hack Saw

    I’d hit it.

  30. kel

    U m when does he stiff on child payments.?!! He pays over 50 grand every month and if he didn’t Richards will be all over the news. And, How was he a glib…..he pretty much noted he got a GREAT deal and said it was all because of the lawyer. maybe he is taking his kids and spending time which is good news. It’s the county not the celeb justice…people are so uninformed!
    Lindz direspected the judge and the court over and over..she is an Idiot! and still she barely served 2 weeks just a waste of money for a trial-

  31. Sobrietyisacrutch

    Even a guy with a small penis (allegedly) can have it all as long as he’s rich and famous.
    He’s like a poster child or something.

  32. Randal(l)

    Charlie Sheen is my hero. He loves him some coke and whores, he doesn’t let his bitch get out of line, He bangs the hottest sluts and moves on to the next slut just before they hit the wall, he gets to go to Disneyland, he is everything I wish to be.

    Keep that pimp hand strong Charlie, keep that pimp hand strong.

    Randal(l)

  33. kel

    I just saw a report saying 30 days ..HUH? seriously, “journalism” reporting has gone to hell

  34. Marcus

    YEAH!! Truth Justice and and the American Celebrity way…

  35. paul

    Someone need to get Charlie Sheen some more drugs so he can get off the pc kissing his own ass. Sheen is a pathetic douche that abuse women then get away with it because of who he is. The judicial system don’t work if this jerk is walking free. Who the hell care about his shitty show. The next women that give him a second look is crazy as hell.

    • SmashedGrampasGuitars

      yes because out of all the people that our legal system failed to stop, Charlie Sheen is just the worst.

  36. Totally Serious

    Fuck our legal system.

  37. captain america

    yep…….AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.

  38. Sheryl

    People need to get over it, Brooke Mueller is a drunk too

  39. u

    ppl who are saying their sexy u ugly motha fuckers stfu

  40. SmashedGrampasGuitars

    I think the disneyland thing is a joke from his movie Hot Shots where he uses that line. whatever, i still enjoy watching him as an actor.

  41. Ahmenus

    Funny How When It’s A White Guy Beating The Shit Out His Wife People Applaud But When It’s Chris Brown Beating The Shit Out OF Rhianna People Talk Shit.

    Yeah This Society Is A Backwards Piece Of Crap.

    http://www.ahmenus.com

  42. Cranachan

    This makes me want to take a sniper rifle and see how far I can hit the bastard from, if I miss if I hit well, justice may finally be served to an American celebrity.

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