Charlie Sheen Writes Open Letter About ‘Two and a Half Men.’ Surprise, It’s Crazy.

“Mm.. eh.. licking your lips is winning.”

With reports coming in that Two and a Half Men is most likely going to be canceled completely, Charlie Sheen felt this would be a great time to send an open letter to Chuck Lorre via TMZ gloating that’s his absence caused the show’s demise:

MY fans may tune in for a minute, but at the end of the day, no one cares about your feeble show without me. Shame on you. Not even a phone call to the man that put you on the map. The man that put 500 million dollars in your pockets. You were on your way out of Warner Bros. with a buy out and a cup of cold coffee in your shaky and clammy hands. And then I walked into your office. And you created a show BASED ON MY AWESOME LIFE. I busted my ass for 8 years to support your vision. Your dream. In turn, it is my nightmare. You sad silly fool. A-hole pussy loser. Put on the gloves you low rent, nut-less sociopath; I’ll beat your chicken shit soul in a court room into a state of gratitude. A state of surrender. Something you left at the door every time you blundered into the pathetic AA loser lounge. Newsflash; they are planning on voting you off the AA island. Even those clowns have no room for you anymore. Wow, I’m sure your children are SO PROUD of you. You can teach’em how to be a stupid bitch.

After that it goes on for another paragraph about how awesome Charlie Sheen thinks Charlie Sheen is before ending with “Reap the whirl-wind you cockroach, reap it.” Which of course might sound awesome if it wasn’t coming from a national punchline who just gave up $1.8 million an episode to run out of money paying hookers for sex and being booed almost every single night because cocaine told him stand-up comedy was easy. Not to mention, Chuck Lorre is still making TV shows while Charlie Sheen’s latest accomplishment is somehow creating an environment where even a porn star who won an award for the most dicks in her butt wouldn’t stick around for money. Which, admittedly, is kind of impressive. That’s their food.

Photos: Splash News