You’d assume a story about Charlie Sheen admitting to using any type of drug would be the exact opposite of news by now, but then again we’re two days out from a holiday weekend, so of course his new interview with Sports Illustarted is the second biggest story on the Internet behind Quentin Tarantino: Toe-Sucker. Via Starpulse:
He tells Sports Illustrated, “Let’s just say that I was enhancing my performance a little bit. It was the only time I ever did steroids. I did them for like six or eight weeks. You can print this, I don’t give a fuck. My fastball went from 79 (miles-per-hour) to like 85.”
Sheen eventually quit taking steroids after realizing the drug made it difficult for him to control his temper – and he came close to blows when strangers mocked the famous spiky haircut he sported for the 1989 movie.
He adds, “I didn’t like the haircut because it generated so many comments in bars. I’ve got enough of that already. Add that to the mix, and it’s a recipe for a fistfight.”
Jesus, a coke-fueled Charlie Sheen on steroids? I’m pretty sure that’s the exact recipe for Captain America’s super-soldier serum, if they wanted him to beat hookers with a shield instead of Nazis.
GENERAL: I’ve never seen a man punch that many dames in my life. He’s like a machine!
SCIENTIST: Velcome to my secret vormula, general. Although please do not listen to any vords he says about “tiger blood.” I don’t know vhere he gets zat vrom, but it gets pretty vuckin’ annoying. I should not have laughed ze virst time, I vas voolish.
Photo: Splash News