Charlie Sheen Just Evicted Denise Richards And His Own Daughters From Their Home

May 28th, 2014 // 43 Comments
Rihanna Pink Wig

When we last left Charlie Sheen, he was throwing a hissy fit over Rihanna refusing to meet him, Charlie Sheen, a man who deserves what he wants and that mentality never ends horribly for anybody. And now comes word that he’s made good on his threats to evict Denise Richards from her home after Brett Rossi – I’m sorry, “Scottine Sheen.” – sucked his penis hard enough to make him think he doesn’t have to pay child support anymore. Radar reports:

Denise Richards, and her daughters, Sam, 10, Lola, 8, and Eloise, 2, are on the move, has learned, since Richards’ ex, Charlie Sheen has ordered them to leave the home they have been living in — and sold it to a friend.
The home, which Sheen had bought for Richards, his daughters Sam and Lola, and Richards’ adopted daughter Eloise, featured six bedrooms, nine bathrooms, and 9,000 square feet of luxury living space.
But now, lawyers for Sheen “have been working with Denise in vacating the premises,” a source told Radar exclusively. “Charlie has wanted Denise out of the gated community where he also lives for months, and his porn star fiancée, Brett Rossi has been pushing for it too.”

Granted, Charlie Sheen does have the right to sell the house which he generously provided so he can be closer to his daughters that Denise Richards started restricting access to around Christmas because he’s Charlie Sheen so logic and reason are on her side. However, I also have the right to walk up to women and tell them their babies are ugly, but I don’t because that would be a dick move (and they almost always have pepper spray). My point being, maybe not make your daughters’ homeless because you can’t control your insane, coke-fueled anger and hooker-fucking long enough to have the semblance of a meaningful relationship with them. And I realize everything I just said went right over your head, so hold on. There’s gotta be a porn star who can make her vagina talk like a hand-puppet. This is the future, right?

Photos: Splash News


  1. malaka

    sometimes fish’s writing is so brilliant and so profound that the pedestrian rules of grammar need not apply.

  2. Only one porn star has a vag like a sock puppet….

  3. He really is a special kind of douchewaffle, isn’t he?

  4. Denise Richards *appears* to be a sane person. Why in the hell did she ever think Charlie Sheen would make a good husband and father?


    If the three little ones grow up to be decent, functioning human beings, I think it’s very obvious that Denise will deserve 100% of the credit.

    And wasn’t Denise the one who helped out by taking in Brooke Mueller’s troubled kids when Brooke was in rehab?

    Another mystery: Martin Sheen, like Denise Richards, appears to be a normal, decent person. How in the hell did he unleash a son like this on the world?

  5. FishSucks

    “Homeless”, because Denise Richards is totally poor and they’ll move right into the nearest gutter. Right.

    Not saying it’s not a dick move, but it’s not like the bank is kicking out some starving family in some underprivileged area. Let’s get a grip.

  6. Short Round

    Granted, Richards is not poor herself. But after this the best thing Sheen can do to redeem himself is to die and leave all his wealth to his kids.

  7. She’ll be fine, it’s not like she isn’t well off. He probably needs the money and/or started listening to the voices in his head again and/or is up to something sketchy.

    I mean with his spending buying that house for her and the kids was probably stupid. It’s Charlie Sheen from beginning to end.

  8. Dox

    I’m still waiting to witness a single, redeeming quality of Charlie Sheen’s to crop up. Just one. A singe, solitary reason to stop considering him an oxygen thief that is unlawfully depriving a viral strain from its one, singular chance at developing into a pandemic. Because lets face it, a pandemic has more socially redeeming qualities than Charlie Sheen.

  9. The issue isn’t whether or not Denise Richards can afford to move, because of course she can afford to move. The issue is that a father is evicting his two elementary school-age children. That goes beyond dickish and ventures into the outskirt fringes of evil.

  10. Wow, he is a fucking scumbag. I really hope there is some judge out there that is just super pissed off and tired of his shit and just strips him of 80% of his money and gives it all to her and the kids in a trust.

  11. Why doesn’t this guy just die already? What a moronic piece of shit.

  12. Linda

    The one and only redeeming quality this giant smoking pile of shit had going for him was his outside interest in having his children near him. But I see that I gave him too much credit. He doesn’t give a shit about making sure his kids are safe and nearby. It’s only about the leverage he holds over their mothers that he cares about. Being able to uproot them whenever he has a fucking temper tantrum. I don’t subscribe to the blaming the current decades younger gold digger on his arm–he’s the fucking old man and father in this situation. The only upside to all of this is that living far away from Sheen is better in the end for everyone involved. The less Richards depends on and/or has to deal with him, the better for the kids and her.

    • Personally I think Carlos did this simply because he’s finding himself in desperate financial straights. See what happens when you fuck with the high sheriffs where your bread is being buttered?

    • “Charlie has wanted Denise out of the gated community where he also lives for months…”

      I’m thinking that any gated community that houses Charlie Sheen is gated to keep people IN as opposed to keeping people OUT!

  13. D-chi

    So, because access to his daughters had been restricted, his plan to foster that loving relationship was to…. evict them so that they can get as far away as possible? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I guess.

    But for real, even though this is exceptionally cruel on his part, this is probably a blessing in disguise for Denise and her family, especially if there isn’t a clause that dictates how far she can move.

    • Charlie kicking Denise and the kids out of a nearby home does give Denise leverage to argue in family court that she should be allowed to live a greater distance from Charlie: after all, he initiated the move by evicting them.

  14. Robb7

    This scumbag will surely piss and snort away all of his money with his latest whore speeding things up. And no director/producer in their right mind wants to work with this creep, so I think Denise and children are better off dealing with this now rather than later when he’s really ape-shit crazy!!

  15. Maybe just maybe he met a bald stripper with a Lex Luthor theme. And they only way she’ll let him into her Legion of Doom is an act of ultimate darkness. I mean that’s the only way I can gather for him to cross from normal “I’m going to use what power I have to screw over my ex” evil into straight up super villain evil.

  16. Homeless? Yeah I’m real sure Denise Richards is out there pan handling for a down on a new mansion. And someone called this writer’s columns “brilliant”? Really.

  17. Marketing Mike

    Soon enough Charlie’s latest Porn conquest will wander off,
    overdose, or die badly. When that happens and Charlie flames out,
    he will come crawling back to Denise to help him out, for the
    100th time. It’s simply a matter of how long this particular skank
    sticks around.

  18. Shannon5757

    Charlie, just do your kids, and the world, a favor and overdose already.

  19. Wow, did Denise rape a busload of orphans in a past life to get saddled with Charlie Sheen in this one? Honestly, I’m wondering what she did to get this kind of karma.

  20. kery

    Charlie is so stupid and mean.

  21. eh

    Well, they have only been divorced for 5 years, so clearly not enough time for her to get around to supporting herself and her children in any way except relying on the ex who hates her. But she’s a hot blond, so there’s probably a law against her working.

    • It’s called child support. If Charlie had custody of the kids, Denise would have to pay it.

      Think a family court judge will give Charlie Sheen full time custody of small children?

  22. michaelmaher

    Charlie is screwed. He just lost his adorable daughters living in reasonable distance to have a relationship. He just realized or is about to realize that his fiancé is not a mysterious, ethereal goddess, but an ordinary valley porn skank who thinks being a party girl(porta potty-hustler centerfold)with only friends whose names end with xxx equals celeb status and is also very awkward looking(HUGE forehead-& overbite) doesn’t get that her selfies are so cheap looking and that referring to herself as “future Mrs. Sheen” is kinda crazy cuz there’s 2/3 past “Mrs. Sheens”… – just ewww. But the demise is noted. Yuck! NOT cute anymore-this guy is OVER He’s not about to get any new fans from his antics. He could have done so much better than awkward buck toof balding brett rossi

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