Charlie Sheen’s Finally Getting His Porn House

May 27th, 2011 // 38 Comments
Charlie Sheen

He can barely contain himself.

Because cocaine told him there’s no way a live show wouldn’t reap him $100 bajillion, Charlie Sheen‘s Beverly Hills mansion is up for sale. Except within 24 hours of hit going on the market, it’s already got a bidder, according to TMZ:

Sources connected to the deal tell us … the bigwigs at YouPorn.com approached Sheen’s realtor with an offer to buy the place for $4.5 million in cash …. WAY lower than Sheen’s listing price, $7.2 mil.
We’re told the YouPorn people have told Sheen’s people they hope to fulfill Sheen’s dream of moving in several porn stars to live at the mansion. The YouPorn peeps told the realtor if Sheen accepts the deal, he can hang out at the porno compound as much as he wants.

I like how YouPorn even bothered offering him cash. Are they looking for a tax write-off or something? Because I’m pretty sure this deal could’ve down much easier.

YOUPORN: Sign over the deed to your house, and we’ll let you watch us make porn.
CHARLIE: Will the girls have horrific looking vaginas?
YOUPORN: Some.
CHARLIE: I like those odds. Sold!

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. CptCreep

    Drink more coffee…

  2. Cici

    Not enough bleach in this world…

  3. Michelle

    He starts sporting a green hat and I think his transformation into the character from the Leprechaun movies will be complete.

  4. Booster Juice

    Go Leafs Go.

  5. This picture is exactly how he’d look standing in his own “porn house”.

  6. Cock Dr

    The writing is on the wall.
    It’s only a matter of time before there’s a genuine Charlie Sheen sex tape on the market.
    And people will buy it. For the laughter factor, & also many men will look at what crackhead is drilling and be able to honestly say “My wife/girlfriend/fuck buddy/1st cousin is SO much hotter”.

    • I think Charlie would be too high on drugs to even get the deed done. I picture the entire video with him sitting in a chair with his pants around his ankles and a cigarette in his mouth, muttering incoherent nonsense about all the dirty things he’s gonna do to her, while some underaged crackslut tries to jerk off his flaccid dick. Then both of them pass out. The End.

  7. am a little ashamed to admit this, but honestly the only reason i don’t wish him dead is cos i can’t add him to my deadpool for another 7 months.. :(

    don’t die before new years, ok? please?? 50 points is nothing to sneeze at

  8. Giving it some thought (slow day at work), realistically, only a porno venture would be able to buy his house. Who else could stand the stench of shame and trout? Anyone else would need to Febreze the shit out of the place.

  9. Coke?

    Looking at Charlies face he looks like a Meth PSA…the AFTER picture…if he’s just doing coke it must be laced with something.

  10. the captain

    ………”Hustler Club One”?

  11. LJ

    Whoa!!!!

    The people at YouPorn have $4.5 million in cash hanging around?

    Porn pays.

  12. It’s not like Charlie Sheen will be the first Oscar hopeful to go into porn. I believe we all recall Sir John Gielgud’s turn as the headmaster in Anal School for Girls #17, back in 1998.

  13. michaelsheen

    Wow, a Leafs jersey. Just commit suicide already.

  14. dontlooknow

    Let’s all get together and spearhead a campaign to raise money to buy Charlie a tooth; the poor bastard clearly can’t afford one, and I’m sick of looking at gap-toothed mug.

  15. Pippy Longcockings

    Christ he looks like HELL! Keith Richards looks healthier!

  16. Burt

    BS attempt at getting free publicity. They make a lowball offer, one so low they know they won’t have to cough over the cash, and they still get websites such as this one to mention their site.

  17. Hockey garb: check. Missing teeth: check. Creepy leer: check. Cigarette: check. Hand in pants: check. If drives a white van and lives near an elementary school he could be my Uncle Roy.

  18. Just me or does he look like Rigsby off ‘Rising Damp’ (very old show). Same depraved, lechrous look lol

    • wow i rem that show! (fuck it must be ‘feel-old’ week.) and btw rossiter was a fuckin brilliant actor, from billy liar to reggie perrin!

      but yeah sheen’s antisemitic rants seem more akin to alf garnett ~

      • He was an amazing actor and comparing him to Sheen is a disservice but I just saw that he’s getting a porn house and I can see him in the corner rubbing one out over Miss Jones like he is in that picture!

  19. Ed

    They’ll put live cameras in the house and fill it with porn stars and invite Charlie over . . . and he’ll look at the cameras and then at the girls then back at the cameras . . . and we’ll get to see just how long it takes for him to crack. Brilliant TV!

  20. Charlie Sheen
    SaintMidian
    Commented on this photo:

    What is he smoking that cigarette with his nose? I thought his nose was reserved for coke … and hooker stink.

  21. This new Back to the Future movie is going to be great! Doc really likes to party in this one…

  22. UnholyKrep

    Thinks it’s time Charlie retired to a life of sitting in front of some convenience store out on a remote gravel road, playing the part of the weird old dude that cackles and barks unintelligible jibberish at lost tourists.

  23. Oh, you don’t think I can fit this in my nose? You don’t think Charlie Sheen can handle the pain?! Well, GET READY FOR THE TORPEDO OF TRUTH, BABY, CUZ HERE IT COMES! *crazy cackle*

  24. MourningTheDeathOfMusic

    Looks like he’s missing a tooth.

  25. mean tina

    ive never said this about anyone, but it would be really great if he just died.

  26. mean tina

    end it now so that money can go to his family, not his ego.

  27. mean tina

    what porn sex worker would want to film at his house with risk of him wanting to use your services. porn stars have standards too, they are not escorts and he is not their pimp or director.

  28. obz

    is he missing a tooth now?

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