Charlie Sheen Just Told 9 Million People To Throw Dog Shit At His Daughter’s School

March 14th, 2013 // 21 Comments
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According to Charlie Sheen, his daughter Sam was “bullied out of school,” and where normal people who don’t live in a mansion made of coke would’ve filed grievances with the school board and/or engaged in rational discussions to reach a solution, Charlie opted for telling nine million people on Twitter not only the exact name of the school, but also the name of the alleged bully so they know how to spell it in dog shit. No, really:

This is a legitimate call to arms.
my daughter Sam was bullied out of Viewpoint school and then called a liar.
it’s on!
if you have a rotted egg
a roll of toilet paper
or some dog shit;
I urge u to deliver it with “extreme prejudice”
to their KamPuss run by trolls and charlatans.
make me proud.
we will not tolerate this level of
abhorrent disrespect towards the child of your favorite Warlock.
And if your feeling the
“show and tell” of it all,
smear the shit to spell one name on the front door;
eat that loser.
hashtag HYLMN?

When asked why he didn’t just transform into an F-18 and bomb the school himself, Charlie replied, “Black & Decker,” then ground up a hooker’s body and snorted it for lunch.

Photos: Getty


  1. sobrietyisacrutch

    I am completely convinced that this guy really is Batman.

  2. Grand Dragon

    Lohan will smear her own feces on the walls of the school for another $100,000 I’m sure.


    right on charlie,about time someone stood the the bullshit that schools claim to handle,till its to late for our child,VICTORA IS A PIECE OF SHIT!


    right on charlie,about time someone stood up for the bullshit that schools claim to handle,till its to late for our child,VICTORA IS A PIECE OF SHIT!

  5. Charlie for President!

  6. Wow. Nothing illegal in that message, no sir. But honestly, I’m not sure which is more disappointing… that he would write that in the first place, or that at least a handful of his Twitter followers have their hands cupped under a dog’s ass right this minute.

  7. Firecrotch McBatshit

    I figure that this is just a long-game campaign to be the next big-screen Joker, on the theory that being legitimately batshit in real life = convincingly batshit on screen.

  8. JC

    Oh, c’mon, we’re Americans. If the only projectile that hits a school is feces, then that’s still a pretty good day.

  9. I’ve always found the people that go on the most about being disrespected tend to be the most disrespectful.

    • It’s like hearing a teenage girl complain about drama.

    • hammertime

      I’ve many times found just the opposite to be true…people that go on about being so respectable, so proper, themselves are usually the ones being the most disrespectful (bullies) behind the scenes toward others! The biggest liars and thieves! I would bet that, most likely, the other girl overheard her RESPECTABLE parents mouth trashing Charlie Sheen and his daughter behind closed doors and then went to school thinking she could do the same to Sheen’s daughter!

  10. chances are if they are following charlie sheen on twitter, throwing their own poop around is a normal commonplace activity for them.

  11. freya

    Bullying is a real thing if the school ignores their student complains about it then as a parent whose kid has been bullied I sympathized with Charlie Sheen.

  12. Joe Blow

    Well, in all fairness, your daughter was called a liar because she was telling everyone that you aren’t a washed up has-been who pissed it all away.

  13. Grant K

    Why involve the middledog at all, why not just ask fans outright to throw their own poops. Though I guess that would cross some kind of line. And Charlie knows lines! Of blow I mean, because of all the yayo Charles does, is what i was getting at there.

  14. Though Charlie’s reaction is way over the top, if I was paying a school $30,000 in tuition (average tuition at the Viewpoint School) a year, and the school fell flat on it’s face in keeping a culture of bullying under control, I’d be plenty pissed off (although I hope that I would not “act out” on my anger).

  15. Felisa

    He should just send his daughter to Public School, like the rest of us drones do, and then this would have been taken care of. What a sick piece of S*&t this private school is to say that his daughter made the whole thing up. It appears that the little bully has sick parents that must also be on the school board at that private school, and her parents are most likely both bi-polar nut cases. Furthermore, I knew a girl that went to that private school, and not only was she socially inept, but felt that she was too good to work. She ended up marring a manual laborer (not that there is anything wrong with that) who dropped out of HS. Just saying…

  16. krapulax

    “with great power comes great pussy”
    pablo francisco

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