Before I get to my Man of Steel review, here’s an open letter Charlie Sheen sent Farrah Abraham after she decided to share text messages between the two of them to the tabloids because she has a porno that was never a sex tape to sell. Anyway, this thing is literally a testament to how skilled Charlie Sheen is at eliminating hookers not just beneath his pool but verbally as well. TMZ reports:
hey, you desperate guzzler of stagnant douche agua;
I truly do not recall giving you permission to globally reveal any communication between us. congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn.
your daughter must be so proud.
please send my number to middle earth and if allowed, eagerly follow it into said abyss and slam the door behind you. the world will collectively sigh as the pungent memory of you vanishes into the pedestrian troposphere of lame-suck and zero-life.
oh and I’m sure they’ll wave the cover charge when they see your tranny-boobs and five o’clock shadow.
Dear Mr. Sheen,
Perhaps you missed the dragon or ring of unlimited fucking power that nearly tore our shit apart, so if you would be so kind as not to use our beloved realm as a whore cemetery, we will refrain from besieging you with singing dwarves and annoyingly homosexual hobbits. Unless, of course, your hedonism now requires such stimulation, in which case, I believe you’re familiar with a Mr. Cruise.
One does not simply make a TCLTC joke that epic,
The residents of Middle Earth