Charlie Sheen Called Farrah Abraham A ‘Stagnant Guzzler of Douche Agua’ With ‘Tranny-Boobs’

June 14th, 2013 // 68 Comments
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Before I get to my Man of Steel review, here’s an open letter Charlie Sheen sent Farrah Abraham after she decided to share text messages between the two of them to the tabloids because she has a porno that was never a sex tape to sell. Anyway, this thing is literally a testament to how skilled Charlie Sheen is at eliminating hookers not just beneath his pool but verbally as well. TMZ reports:

hey, you desperate guzzler of stagnant douche agua;
I truly do not recall giving you permission to globally reveal any communication between us. congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn.
your daughter must be so proud.
please send my number to middle earth and if allowed, eagerly follow it into said abyss and slam the door behind you. the world will collectively sigh as the pungent memory of you vanishes into the pedestrian troposphere of lame-suck and zero-life.
oh and I’m sure they’ll wave the cover charge when they see your tranny-boobs and five o’clock shadow.

Dear Mr. Sheen,

Perhaps you missed the dragon or ring of unlimited fucking power that nearly tore our shit apart, so if you would be so kind as not to use our beloved realm as a whore cemetery, we will refrain from besieging you with singing dwarves and annoyingly homosexual hobbits. Unless, of course, your hedonism now requires such stimulation, in which case, I believe you’re familiar with a Mr. Cruise.

One does not simply make a TCLTC joke that epic,

The residents of Middle Earth

Photos: INFdaily


  1. I wonder how many thesauruses he read while high…
    Anyways, what an amazing rant…

    • Dick Hell

      Agreed. This is the best thing he has done in his entire life. Granted, until now the bar HAD been set kinda low.

      • Ripley's Believe It Or Not

        The best thing? He willingly had contact with her in the first place (I don’t see any denial of that on his part). If he’s done the best thing, it’s only been possible because he did the worst thing.

  2. “the world will collectively sigh as the pungent memory of you vanishes into the pedestrian troposphere of lame-suck and zero-life.”


  3. Billy Rubin

    Someone is truly in love with themselves

  4. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Where's Dildo
    Commented on this photo:

    This panty flash is like putting a car cover on a 1985 Corolla. It may be covered but we all know left the oil stain.

  5. Dirty Sanchez

    Is that code for “so when are you coming over to fuck like rabbits on coke?” or what?

  6. Lifetime Originals presents: The Pwning of Farrah Abraham by Carlos Estevez

    holy shit

  7. I would have so much more respect for him if he had just sent her a version of this right away instead of texting her back and forth. You know he was planning on doing some awful things to the butthole before she shared his texts with TMZ. Also “your daughter must be so proud”. Really Sheen?

    • To be fair, Charlie never pulled a turgid penis from his anus and then sucked a load out of it. Not in that order at least.

      • Wm Norwood

        What she really needs to do is to start ‘leaking’ pornos where she let’s semi-famous black men pee on her. Then she can get Kris Jenner to start managing her. She’s done A2M, so she’s already half way there.

  8. He nailed her ass, and not in the way she likes. She was so quick to capitalize on the slight chance that he was interested in her, she blew her chance at a sugar daddy. LOL, what an idiot.

    My advice, Farrah: either go full on porn actress and earn your money yourself so you can stop trying to mooch off of more famous people or get a real job and disappear.

  9. I see her porn money has been spent on even larger breast implants. That’s what you call “reinvesting in an asset”.

  10. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is she on the cover of “Menopause” magazine?

  11. Cock Dr

    Something tells me Crackhead Charlie’s experience dealing with adult entertainment lowlifes is almost as vast and deep as Farrah’s anal crevasse.

  12. Why didn’t my comment show up?

  13. catapostrophe

    So did he write “douche aqua” or “douche agua”? You can’t have it both ways.

  14. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL! Only Farrah Abraham could be so mentally unstable that she not only pisses Charlie Sheen off, but she completely cuts off the one sugar Daddy she could have actually had.

    This woman really needs to just go away. And why isn’t her kid with child services? And most importantly, why is she on the cover of menopause magazine?!?!?

  15. grobpilot

    Charlie’s a regular Carl Sandburg

  16. Now THAT, Mr. Sheen, is #WINNING. Bravo!

  17. It’s only a matter of time before someone makes millions of dollars selling “Douche Agua” like they did with “Tiger’s Blood”

  18. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Thom McCann
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, her feet are almost as big as Herpes Hilton’s; almost.

  19. Kate

    Oh my god this is the best thing ever.

  20. Marie

    So, do we now all get how Lindsay Lohan EARNED her appearance on Charlie’s show along with the dress she destroyed, money to pay off taxes (sure) and police in NYC not giving her a breathalyzer after witnesses confirmed she was drunk? Yes, let’s now all assume she and probably her mother rode the Charlie crazy train…she got the sugar daddy perks including some *sniff* candy and he was able to look like just a rich guy who wanted to help. Great acting Charlie but her breast grab on the red carpet one gave it away. Do both your STDs cancel each other out when they’re mixed? BTW so NOT supporting Farrah but whose kids must be SO proud Charlie?! Why are your boys by a different woman being taken care of by your ex again? Oh, right.

  21. joe


  22. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    Charlie sheen makes a painfully thought out comeback, but he still cannot deny that HE wanted THAT and he in turn got played. NOT WINNING!!!!

    • JPC

      She contacted him basically saying “Will you fuck me?” (except stretched out to about 500 words.) He responded with texts that indicated he was moderately interested.

      Don’t see where he failed here, except that he really should have just texted back “LOL shut the fuck up whore”

    • He came in second in a two man race.

  23. but isnt that what charlie sheen always says when he asks a chic to marry him?

  24. As a side note, who is Charlie to be talking about people’s children being embarrassed? A freaking drug addicted, no teeth having, porn star collector. You’re just the picture of good parenting and role models, aren’t you?

  25. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    Farrahs behaviour is the reason people should be able to smack their kids.

  26. Mike Tython

    He’s a hypocrite for calling her a bad parent.

    These two should make a porno.

  27. Veronika Larsson

    Farrah is truly delusional. It’s sad and funny at the same time.

  28. cc

    Up until now, I was largely indifferent to Charlie Sheen. Suddenly, I find myself liking him.

  29. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    Logged in to tell Farrah that she’s a stupid tranny slut, and I thought that well before Charlie said it. You’re nothing but a dumb whore Farrah. You are worthless as a human and will never amount to a damn thing unless you quit all this ridiculous bullshit and take care of your child…and by that I mean raise it up with good moral values.

  30. tlmck

    Lemme guess. She turned him down because he is old.

  31. Jenn

    His slap down is very funny, until he gets hypocritical about the kid thing. Hell, at least Denise has his. But, he’s a Tolkien fan, so there’s a little hope for him yet.

    When the fuck is this silly Teen Porn Mom going away?

  32. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    Didn’t realize she looks like Katy Sagal……I’m so, so sorry, Katy Sagal.

  33. I’m fucking IN LOVE with Carlos Sheen now fucking tiger blood motherfucker!

  34. Meg

    Charlie’s cute.

  35. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    [soh-see-uh-path, soh-shee-]
    a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

  36. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    oh know, frog eyes and horse face, the boobs don’t make any improvement

  37. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    You know they told her to wear panties so they didn’t have to burn the couch afterwards.

  38. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    tranny boobs! what a thing of beauty…. *wipes tear*

  39. OK, I understand that she is a “genetic girl” but she damn near has an Adam’s Apple.

  40. Get serious

    Whores gotta whore…

  41. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Get serious
    Commented on this photo:

    Whore’s probably trying to sell those tuna smelling panties on e-bay as we speak…

  42. richie

    Sheen’s a hypocrite that only verbally trashed her only to save face after she re-tweeted his lame attempts to bang her.

  43. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Miss Moppet
    Commented on this photo:

    This is pretty hilarious coming from Charlie effin’ Sheen. I don’t give a crap about this woman but Charlie loves whores. He kept a cadre of them for a while. Where does he get off mocking her for being a whore and suggesting that her behavior is shameful for her daughter? What about his kids? How proud are they of papa’s behavior? An abusive misogynist calling an idiot girl horrible names is scary and sad for everyone. Charlie Sheen is the last person to judge someone elses poor life choices. Especially when he takes advantage of those choices when it suits him.

  44. moon howler

    What’s wrong with tranny boobs?!?

  45. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    John Travolta
    Commented on this photo:

    All you guys know you’d fuck her at first chance,

  46. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    Why the HELL haven’t social services taken her child away from her yet??? What the fuck are they waiting for???

  47. master yoda

    Too funny. Charlie is busted over wanting to tap that so has to launch a massive tirade in order to cover up his own lack of class,

  48. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    White pumps, the sign of a true hooker.

  49. Farrah Abraham New Implants Upskirt Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    They managed to capture the exact moment her butt plug slipped out. Just another one for the scrapbook.

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