Wait. Back It Up. Charlie Sheen Goes To The Dentist?
When we last left Charlie Sheen he was drunkenly approaching random strangers in a Taco Bell drive-thru and showing them his tattoos, and now comes word that he allegedly pulled a knife on his dentist after taking nitrous oxide while high on cocaine. And, yes, I know that the real news is that Charlie Sheen actually goes to a dentist. I said it right in the fucking headline. TMZ reports:
Law enforcement sources tell us … Charlie was at an L.A. dental office last Thursday for an abscess. He sat in the chair as the dental technician placed a mask over his face to administer nitrous oxide, when she says Charlie went insane … flailing his arms and striking her.
The technician told cops she walked out of the room as Charlie’s security guard entered. Charlie’s personal dentist was there along with the oral surgeon. There was a lot of commotion and the technician says when Charlie’s dentist finally came out he told her Charlie pulled a knife and went after him. The dentist wasn’t hurt.
The technician also told cops the bodyguard told the dentist Charlie was high on rock cocaine.
As for why the bodyguard would even need to tell the dentist Charlie is coked out of his mind, it’s written right here in his chart in permanent marker, I’m going to assume this happened:
“Shit, how did I end up at the dentist? I need to take these fuckers out before they come at me with a drill. Quick, think of a cover story.”
“You’re high on coke?”
“I like it. *pulls knife* STAY OUT OF MY MOUTH, YOU PUTRID PILE OF COLGATE SLUDGE! I’M A TRUTH BOMB! BLAH! RAWR! CRAZY WORDS! RANDOM ANIMAL BLOOD!”