Charlie Sheen Was Having Sex With This, And a Briefcase Full of Coke

While Charlie Sheen lays in a hospital bed with nothing but his love of proving all porn stars are hookers keeping him alive, Kacey Jordan (above) has been identified as one of the women partying with Charlie for over 36 hours at his house, according to RadarOnline:

“I have a lawyer and I am not making any comment,” the 22-year-old told our reporter moments ago.
Jordan was at Sheen’s mansion on Wednesday afternoon when she took to Twitter to publish a risqué photo, wearing a barely-there bikini.
Not soon after, she wrote: “It’s officially 24 hours of drinking! Hehe.”

And why would she need to hire a lawyer? Maybe because Charlie Sheen was literally eating cocaine by the brick while single-cockedly keeping California’s entire prostitution industry in the black. TMZ reports:

We’re told Sheen had several people inside his home during the 36-hour span that started Tuesday night — including 2 porn stars, a business associate, and several other women.
After hours of drinking, we’re told a person showed up to the house with a designer “briefcase” — that contained multiple “bricks” of cocaine.
We’re told Sheen immediately began doing the drug for several hours.

If Charlie Sheen doesn’t die by tomorrow, I think it’s time the medical community finally admits cocaine staves off death. That or completely shaved porn star vagina. It seriously has to be one or the other, and I, for one, am tired of the propaganda. Then again, I can understand if they’re afraid to tell Martin Sheen first considering he was willing to torpedo The West Wing just to get Aaron Sorkin off shrooms.

MARTIN: Is my boy gonna live, doctor? I’ll lock him in rehab myself and throw away the key. *shakes Charlie* Dammit, why couldn’t ya stop, Charlie? Why? You had everything?!
DOCTOR: Mister Sheen, I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing keeping your son alive is cocaine.
MARTIN: Come again?
DOCTOR: I can’t, the hooker already left. Cocaine is the only thing keeping your son’s heart pumping.
MARTIN: I don’t believe it.
DOCTOR: Neither do we, sir, but watch as I place a trace amount under his nostril.
CHARLIE: *snaps to life, snorts coke off doctor’s finger* Was I just talking to Satan? Did you guys see that?
MARTIN: Charlie!
CHARLIE: Hey, pop. Doc, you got anymore of this?
DOCTOR: I’m afraid that’s all of it.


Photos: MySpace