Charlie Sheen Was Having Sex With This, And a Briefcase Full of Coke

January 27th, 2011 // 140 Comments

While Charlie Sheen lays in a hospital bed with nothing but his love of proving all porn stars are hookers keeping him alive, Kacey Jordan (above) has been identified as one of the women partying with Charlie for over 36 hours at his house, according to RadarOnline:

“I have a lawyer and I am not making any comment,” the 22-year-old told our reporter moments ago.
Jordan was at Sheen’s mansion on Wednesday afternoon when she took to Twitter to publish a risqué photo, wearing a barely-there bikini.
Not soon after, she wrote: “It’s officially 24 hours of drinking! Hehe.”

And why would she need to hire a lawyer? Maybe because Charlie Sheen was literally eating cocaine by the brick while single-cockedly keeping California’s entire prostitution industry in the black. TMZ reports:

We’re told Sheen had several people inside his home during the 36-hour span that started Tuesday night — including 2 porn stars, a business associate, and several other women.
After hours of drinking, we’re told a person showed up to the house with a designer “briefcase” — that contained multiple “bricks” of cocaine.
We’re told Sheen immediately began doing the drug for several hours.

If Charlie Sheen doesn’t die by tomorrow, I think it’s time the medical community finally admits cocaine staves off death. That or completely shaved porn star vagina. It seriously has to be one or the other, and I, for one, am tired of the propaganda. Then again, I can understand if they’re afraid to tell Martin Sheen first considering he was willing to torpedo The West Wing just to get Aaron Sorkin off shrooms.

MARTIN: Is my boy gonna live, doctor? I’ll lock him in rehab myself and throw away the key. *shakes Charlie* Dammit, why couldn’t ya stop, Charlie? Why? You had everything?!
DOCTOR: Mister Sheen, I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing keeping your son alive is cocaine.
MARTIN: Come again?
DOCTOR: I can’t, the hooker already left. Cocaine is the only thing keeping your son’s heart pumping.
MARTIN: I don’t believe it.
DOCTOR: Neither do we, sir, but watch as I place a trace amount under his nostril.
CHARLIE: *snaps to life, snorts coke off doctor’s finger* Was I just talking to Satan? Did you guys see that?
MARTIN: Charlie!
CHARLIE: Hey, pop. Doc, you got anymore of this?
DOCTOR: I’m afraid that’s all of it.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Photos: MySpace

superficial

  1. Kacey Jordan
    miss
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy hell her face is busted.

  2. KnowMyPorn

    I suppose it’s a sign I watch too much porn if not only did I recognize the girl, but I also know that for such a tiny little package, she has incredibly big lady parts! Meaty!!!

  3. Foxxyaaisha23

    just saw on TMZ that he went to the hospital for a hiatal hernia. I guess lifting all that heavy cocaine will do that to a person.

  4. Burt

    He was supposedly hospitalized for a hernia. I imagine happens a lot when old men party with young hookers.

  5. doing coke and having sex with two hot porn stars. livin’ the viva Lohan.

  6. wim

    it was just powder for in the washing machine.
    …..THIS WAS ALL!!

  7. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    I mean, at least she didn’t buy the boobs before the nose.

  8. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t think porn stars were supposed to have the bodies of 10 year old boys.

    Maybe she stars in taboo videos for Catholic priests.

  9. Adam

    Just let him alone he made his money now let him spend it

  10. fuck requirements

    Uh, all porn stars are hookers? What else would they be? The only difference between porn and prostitution is a camera. How is it morally different?

  11. fuck requirements

    and who fucking cares!

  12. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    As hard as he tried, Coco’s brother just wasn’t cutting it in the ass-modeling space, though he did attract a different clientele.

  13. me

    some guys can. if I do coke or heroin it’s as limp as a noodle. 3 days clean tho! hope I can make it 30 :(

  14. dk

    Someone call Keith Richards we cannot let this man die.

  15. Kacey Jordan
    dk
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s not only the founder but the president of the itty bitty titty committee.

  16. Kacey Jordan
    Alex
    Commented on this photo:

    I wear a 32A proudly, and I am looking at that bitch thinking, damn, she’s flat as fuck.

  17. Kacey Jordan
    Alex
    Commented on this photo:

    “whattareya MESHUGAH?” on accounta she looks like someone’s Jewish grandmother.

  18. Aussie Mama

    Go Charlie, it’s your $$$ and you can spend it however you like dude.
    Really with all that cash, who wouldn’t develop a serious coke habit?
    The chics he can pay n piss off, no strings. They’re all adults, fully aware of what they are doing, let em go. The White House is full of pervs like that, only they like the lil’ boys that have no choice.

  19. Simo

    Honestly, I don’t care that he sleeps with porn stars, I care more about how shite his taste is in porn stars. A midget with a flappy pussy and bad fake tan (Kacey) and a nympho who brags on Twitter about getting creampies from strangers in clubs (the other one).
    If you’re gonna piss away cash on porn stars, can’t he pick better ones.

  20. ptitz

    charlie is the man! when i grow up im gona be just like him!

  21. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    is it just me or does that tranny have a big nose?

  22. Diana

    Stupid-looking, monkey-faced blonde.

  23. Loki

    Haha shit man, great little skit ad the end. You need to get those things animated or something

  24. What the fuck Fish dude, this chick is a porn star and you can’t post one naked photo of her? Dude you are turning into a big pussy!!! you must have gotten married of have some chick living with you…..

  25. Kacey Jordan
    Mortimer Duke
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yay! At this rate imma have 20 of these them dollars if I keeps a sucking”

  26. Alex

    He seems to have good taste, though. All his pornstars I’ve seen so far have been unusually sexy (for orange hookers)

  27. Photoshop Police
  28. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does she look like she just smelled a fart when she’s trying to be sexy?

  29. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like she just smelled a fart and she’s trying to act like she didn’t notice.

  30. Kacey Jordan
    Napoupi
    Commented on this photo:

    I think a nose job is a ll she need to be great…

  31. sht4brnz

    Cocaine does not come from the lovely poppy flower, it is no opiate. It is a plant all into itself and is a hardcore stimulant. Which would cause more boners. Hence the hookers.

  32. Anthony

    Well it seems some people will not do a way with coke and feel better cos it’s part of them.

  33. Kacey Jordan
    I'm Gross
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok I’ll be the gross one here. This chick is 100% in a lot of porn, I know because I have a dick. Also, Charlie Sheen likes it meaty because this chick has HUGE labia.

  34. Kacey Jordan
    Filbertfanatic
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoa, that is one UNPRETTY woman. I guess any crude broad can sell her shizz for a few bucks…

  35. trollollol

    So he already banged : Capri Anderson, Melanie Jane and Kacey Jordan

    Who follows :p

  36. 36-MILLER

    Poor man, I heard the news about him, and probably ends up having bad STDs. Possible he hasn’t tested since.

  37. Kacey Jordan
    HLM
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a sad day when your nose is bigger than your boobs. She obviously doesn’t make much money doing porn.

  38. Johnny Drama

    All I can say to Mr. Sheen is…It’s better to burn out, than fade away!

  39. rockosolido

    As an avid watcher of porn, I can say Kacey Jordan has one of the most blown out and beefy looking vaginas I have ever seen. We’re not just talking “did five scenes in one day” blown out, I’m talking “holy shit your labia are enormous” blown out.

    Like someone stuck two tan hot dogs between her legs and called it a day.

  40. Kacey Jordan
    Shana
    Commented on this photo:

    Awww how cute, she is trying to cover her little bitties!

  41. Kacey Jordan
    Linds
    Commented on this photo:

    Kacey Jordan is actually hot. You have to meet her in person and have a conversation with her and you will see how awesome she is.
    Her pics don’t do her justice, her personality is amazing and makes her the hottest porn star to me.

  42. Kacey Jordan
    Linds
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she’s pretty and way hotter than his goddesses.

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