Charlie Sheen Was Having Sex With This, And a Briefcase Full of Coke

January 27th, 2011 // 140 Comments

While Charlie Sheen lays in a hospital bed with nothing but his love of proving all porn stars are hookers keeping him alive, Kacey Jordan (above) has been identified as one of the women partying with Charlie for over 36 hours at his house, according to RadarOnline:

“I have a lawyer and I am not making any comment,” the 22-year-old told our reporter moments ago.
Jordan was at Sheen’s mansion on Wednesday afternoon when she took to Twitter to publish a risqué photo, wearing a barely-there bikini.
Not soon after, she wrote: “It’s officially 24 hours of drinking! Hehe.”

And why would she need to hire a lawyer? Maybe because Charlie Sheen was literally eating cocaine by the brick while single-cockedly keeping California’s entire prostitution industry in the black. TMZ reports:

We’re told Sheen had several people inside his home during the 36-hour span that started Tuesday night — including 2 porn stars, a business associate, and several other women.
After hours of drinking, we’re told a person showed up to the house with a designer “briefcase” — that contained multiple “bricks” of cocaine.
We’re told Sheen immediately began doing the drug for several hours.

If Charlie Sheen doesn’t die by tomorrow, I think it’s time the medical community finally admits cocaine staves off death. That or completely shaved porn star vagina. It seriously has to be one or the other, and I, for one, am tired of the propaganda. Then again, I can understand if they’re afraid to tell Martin Sheen first considering he was willing to torpedo The West Wing just to get Aaron Sorkin off shrooms.

MARTIN: Is my boy gonna live, doctor? I’ll lock him in rehab myself and throw away the key. *shakes Charlie* Dammit, why couldn’t ya stop, Charlie? Why? You had everything?!
DOCTOR: Mister Sheen, I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing keeping your son alive is cocaine.
MARTIN: Come again?
DOCTOR: I can’t, the hooker already left. Cocaine is the only thing keeping your son’s heart pumping.
MARTIN: I don’t believe it.
DOCTOR: Neither do we, sir, but watch as I place a trace amount under his nostril.
CHARLIE: *snaps to life, snorts coke off doctor’s finger* Was I just talking to Satan? Did you guys see that?
MARTIN: Charlie!
CHARLIE: Hey, pop. Doc, you got anymore of this?
DOCTOR: I’m afraid that’s all of it.


Photos: MySpace


  1. IttyBittyTittyCommittee

    can charlie be the first to die in a string of 3 celebrity deaths?

    • Mr Obvious

      Please let the others be any two of the following: Sarah Palin, Snooki or any of the male from Jersey Shore, any of the unattractive Teen Moms, Michael Lohan, and Spencer Pratt.

      • Laura

        @ Mr. Oblivious…

        HAHAHAHA…I love how Sarah Palin gets under you stupid anti-strong woman liberal sacks of shit skins. Maybe you should dress like a moose for next Halloween and go visit Alaska.

        Youre such a GD mentally unstable nancy boy if someone like her gets to you so bad that youd comment on it. HAHAHAH…pooow widdle baba…u need yow bwanky & zoloft? pussy.

        Charlie…Cmon man, pull through. You keep introducing me to new girls to rub one out to :D and this is the best one yet!

      • Laura

        Actually nevermind that. I just realized I’m a retarded cunt.

      • I would say Sarah Palin is an old used up bimbo who got into politics. you got plenty of Republician females which IMO would be more qualified.

      • I think Charlie may be my new idol. Yes he threw away other peoples dreams but he sure seems to be having a good time. I hope he lives forever and fucks even hotter porn stars along the way.

        Each time Charlie gets busted, I have a new girl to ad to the spank bank and for that I am truly grateful!!! Keep on “Fuckin” Charlie!!!

      • Oh, and Sarah Palin, not sure why she’d be included in this…is not a dumb hillbilly, she is just a regular lady who makes mistakes. I don’t want her to run the country but I’d much rather hear her fumble and make mistakes than have another politician give a perfect speech and then do the opposite once we’re satisfied

    • Mr Obvious


      Actually, I’m a card carrying conservative Republican. Sarah Palin gets on my list because she makes conservatives look like uneducated hillbillies. I get the feeling that Sarah Palin is a liberal plant to corrupt the Republican party from the inside. Palin pushes people to liberal side because of her polarizing nature.

      • Mr Obvious and Laura, take that shit over to fox news. There are people over here trying to enjoy pics and a story about charlie and a porn star. Assholes!

    • Aussie Mama

      The Sacrifces have to happen. Evil Hollywood wouldn’t be evil Hollywood otherwise.
      I could be any of the following really; Charlie, Lohan, Winehouse, Brittney, Christina, Sam Ronson….

  2. Cock Dr

    I believe that last part about the cocaine.
    Charlie probably hasn’t gotten it up for the past year. Hence the downward spiral.
    Straighten up for your kids asshole.

  3. Euroman

    I thought if you did cocaine (or any other opiate) you could not get it up?

    • Jon H

      Coke isn’t an opiate.

      • Deacon Jones

        It’s not, but it still releases a bunch of endorphins, smiliar to opiates.

        And Euroman, you are correct. I was partying in Vegas on that shit, got escorts at 5:30 am, hot as hell, and the thing didnt move. The blood vessels are so constricted by the cocaine that you can’t get one to save your life.

  4. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe she’s with him so he’ll buy her a set of tits.

  5. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    she has no titts at all….
    she looks like a skinny dude…

  6. Kacey Jordan
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I suppose this brings credence to the phrase “You don’t fuck the face”.

  7. burton

    what a stupid whore, i bet her parents are so proud their little girl is a stupid brainless coke whore who fucks old men for money, all that makeup to hide who they really are because they are embarrassed of themselves but since they have fucked up so much they continue…by 30 this chick will look OLDDDDDER than 30 looks trust me, I used to work in a massage parlour as a cashier in the store there and the women who are 25-35 look 40 or older…and its sad…but these girls are dumb as shit and nice but still…what a whore.

    • Vito

      Jesus H. Christ! You are one judgmental cocksucker.

      She’s very pretty, and how she lives her life is pretty much her business, don’t you think? Oh, obviously not.

      I think I detect some jealousy. She got to go to Charlie Sheen’s party and YOU didn’t!

      • Fabiaire

        “I think I detect some jealousy. She got to go to Charlie Sheen’s party and YOU didn’t!”

        So who is the judgmental cocksucker now, Vito? Pot, meet kettle.

  8. Kacey Jordan
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Somebody soon will post a detailed critique of her “body of work” in the adult entertainment industry.
    She is probably someone who specializes in gangbangs & taking it in every hole. A regular girl next door type for Charlie.

  9. Gary B

    Livin’ the Dream.

  10. Personally, I blame all you moronic fucks that watch such a horribly boring and assinine show like “3 and a half men,” as Chuckles would have run out of money to support his coke and hooker habit long, long ago if not for you brain dead mouth breathers tuning in weekly. You have only yourselves to blame, as even Dr. Drew would label you all as enablers.

    • Richard McBeef

      you talk like a coke and hooker habit is a bad thing.


    • Mango

      I was legitimately surprised to learn that Two and a Half Men was still going two years ago.

      • I tried watching it a few years back, to see what all the hub bub was about. It’s literally the stupidest sitcom on the air, and that’s saying something for a genre of television that is inherently stupid. The only decent part was the hot sluts Sheen’s character bags once a week, which is basically art imitating life, apparently. They essentially pay him to be himself. It’s the greatest gig in the world, and he acts like life is such horrible torture.

  11. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    And hips, and ass…

  12. Where are the boobs? A porn star without boobs is like a bakery without bread

  13. nahhhhh

    Charlie Sheen is a Voltron of Michael Lohans.

  14. Deacon Jones


    Call ed her Tuesday night, she left wednesday PM, 911 call was placed thurs morning = 1.5 days straight of partying. I didnt’ even do that in my heyday.

    Can’t wait to beat it to this chick

  15. guy rossi

    Did she forget her tits at home?

  16. Turd Ferguson

    Shit – the face of a cage fighter. Who loses a lot. A lot.

  17. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    “no sir..i said BJ’s are only $3…here’s your change”[slurp]

  18. Apparently, Charlie is a big John Belushi fan.

  19. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s beautiful..

  20. For Real

    Superficial is amazing. Thank you.

  21. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:


  22. ChonchArcola

    i would probably pee on that only because i have low standards on Thursdays.
    any other day and i’d have to think about it.[off to see this butterface in action]

  23. Anya

    what kind of pornstar is this? Where are her tits?????

  24. Cardinal Fang

    Sucking the dick of someone who has tons of coke in them makes your tits shrink.

    • I would have thought the more immediate danger was that it’d make your lower jaw collapse, but since she’s got plenty of bone and cartilage in that nose they can always reconstruct.

  25. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    she probably does pretend kiddie porn

  26. Kacey Jordan
    still hit it
    Commented on this photo:

    how does he go from big boobed, miss best anal…to this?

  27. Gilberator

    Detective: “Whatdya got, Henson?”
    Cop: “Well Sarge, it looks like another all night bender. Classic O.D.”
    Detective: “Damned celebrities, when will they learn?”
    Cop: “This briefcase was full of coke, Sarge. More than enough for…two and a half men.”
    Detective: “These years on the Beverly Hills beat have jaded you, Henson. Where’s the young cop that used to believe in redemption?”
    Cop: “That dreamer died a long time ago, Sarge. Wanna snort what’s left and then fuck each other on top of his kitchen table?”
    Detective: “Only if you’ll call me Emilio.”
    Cop: “Let’s roll.”

  28. WtftArd

    Coke is not an opioid, it has more in common with meth and speed as it is a stimulant.

    • some guy

      In my experience coke allows you to get it up but makes it difficult to finish. I think Robin Williams said, in reference to using blow, “Don’t you hate it when the sun comes and you didn’t?”

      • Vito

        He also said, “Don’t you just love a drug that makes you horny and impotent at the same time?”

      • Bucky Barnes

        You’re right, that’s what Robin said on the topic. If I’m not mistaken the don’t you hate it when the sun comes and you didn’t line was Rodney Dangerfield.

  29. Not if I rough you first

    I happen to like the whole package. The rugged beak, two puffy nipples disguise as breast. I think she’s refreshing considering the business she’s in…If she does cave into pressure she should get a Lilo sag. Keep the beak, don’t resemble everyone else…

  30. Apparently she likes to see the world through her vagina:

    Frankly, I’m a little surprised this picture isn’t in the list. Or the first.

  31. Beastman AIDS

    Mandatory negative comment regarding subjects appearance before furiously masturbating to pictures of subject.

  32. I’ve always been a fan of hers. I don’t mean her work in porn. I am talking about her humanitarian efforts in Haiti and Darfur of course… I wish more women would forgo the bolt-ons and just go with the natural look.

  33. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Every one of Charlie Sheen’s parties is like an assault on Everest led by Andy Dick only base camp is Starbucks on Beverly Blvd.

  34. Bucky Barnes

    I hate to see a nice young pornstar like Kacey get involved with someone like Charlie Sheen. It’s a blight on their entire noble profession.

    • Cock Dr

      It’s only a matter of time before he engages one who deliberately offs him, knowing that 1) it would be difficult to successfully prosecute the murder & 2) the resulting notoriety would be a hooker jackpot that would make that Bombshell bitch’s 30k payoff seem like chickenfeed.
      “Yes, I was at Charlie’s side when he suddenly OD’d. We had loved each other deeply, with many different power tools. Please talk to my agent if you’d like to schedule an interview”.

  35. s'up bitches

    I’m really surprised cocaine is still such a popular drug. I’ve done plenty of drugs in my day, and Coke was probably one of the most disappointing. Overpriced too. Thank God I didn’t have to pay for it. Whatever happened to good old fashioned pot? Reasonably priced and a good., long, mellow high. Acid too. Sure, you risk a bad trip once in a while, but that shit beats coke by a mile!

    • Sugar

      I completely agree but I think we’re in the minority. Coke will always be hugely popular cuz it gets ugly guys attention from chicks and it makes chicks who hate sex want to do it.

  36. Burt

    Honestly, is anyone surprised that Charlie Sheen ended up knee deep in hookers and cocaine shortly after signing that 100 million dollar contract?

  37. right

    With all his money, this is the best he can do. The guy needs a fuckin eye exam STAT.

  38. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Last year, this whore worked at the Bunny Ranch. Her profile was on their homepage. She also has extensive photo spreads and videos on as well as a variety of other adult websites. Nice pussy, check it out!

  39. Kacey Jordan
    Ya Think?
    Commented on this photo:

    All you people talking about her naturals, well, seems she got implants a few weeks back.

    • Cock Dr

      Charlie probably paid for them, & this bender was their debut party.

    • DM

      Without even an ounce of breast tissue to go over them i bet they look sooo good…… No matter what size implants this chick would get they would look like bolt ons.

  40. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Your wives look like silverbacks compared to this. Keep fwapping away to women you’ll never deserve or meet.

  41. nikkol

    look at the way she’s holding the straw…this isn’t what i meant when i ordered coke…

  42. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like nothing.

  43. Little Me

    That chick has no tits whatsoever – Charlie has bigger tits.

    • Vito

      No tits, but can probably suck start a Harley Davidson.

    • Alex

      So what, no high class (usually European) guys like tits. Cause they don’t want to be seen with fat women. And unless it’s some anomaly or surgery, big boobs = fat body

  44. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    maybe ol charlie should marry jessica simpson they are both drunk losers

  45. whiskeyafternoon

    and they say white people with cash get all the legal breaks

  46. Ash Bones

    She has extra beef

  47. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    She has meat flaps on her vagina. Just sayin’.

  48. RasputinsLiver


    Charlie Sheen’s the fuckin’ tokin’, snortin, ‘drinkin’, bitch porkin’ Man!

    That fucker may die soon from his evil ways. But goddamit he’s gonna do it his way! Major props to Charlie, man.


  49. LJ

    Does Veags have odds on whether Charley Sheen or Lindsay Lohan dies first?

    I want in.

  50. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Worst thing about kiddie porn?

    No tits.

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