Dear Charlie Sheen, You’re Charlie Sheen

November 11th, 2013 // 21 Comments
Denise Richards Is Done
Denise Richards Charlie Sheen Twins Daughters Playing At Park
Even Saints
Have Limits Read More »

When we last left the debacle over Charlie Sheen‘s twins that Denise Richards has been raising because their mother Brooke Mueller is a crack addict and their father is Charlie Sheen, Denise was refusing to continue temporary custody of the boys unless Brooke agreed to let them receive psychiatric counseling. A fair request considering they were already actively and openly trying to murder Denise’s dogs, and at one point they were inside Charlie Sheen’s Coke Palace and Porn Star Emporium. A request that Brooke denied which has now resulted in her brother having temporary guardianship of the boys while moving them into a house he’ll share with Brooke. Which naturally pissed off Charlie Sheen who had already been warned by a judge not to talk about the case again after basically threatening to light the Department of Children and Family Services on fire and tweeting Brooke Mueller a picture of a cake with a grenade it. Fortunately, for everyone in my profession, Charlie Sheen’s brain is nothing but a coked-out hamster masturbating in a wheel, so he went off on the judge on Twitter:

so lemme see if I got this straight.
my twin boys are now in harms way and in grave danger.
being “raised” by a gaggle
of incompetent and lascivious
marionettes all ruled and fooled by an adderol snorting
husk called Brooke.

and guess what CPS and
“I’m Italian” judge anus-brain,
you may have gagged me temporarily, but mark my unspoken words,
anything happens to my boys,
and you will know get to know me,
know who I truly am,
a loving father.
tag – I’m it.

and if this means being jailed
for loving and trying to protect my children,
then go for it.
I have as many friends on
the inside as i do out here.
my passion WILL NOT be silenced.
you are all now standing in my way.
I’d recommend a shift in
your geography.

What’s even more hilarious is that while, granted, Brooke Mueller is a cracked out bag of crazy, sources inside DCFS are getting sick of Charlie Sheen acting like Ward Cleaver with shit like this:

Because while Charlie’s threatening to hang social workers from the town square to refresh the Tree of Liberty for messing with his boys, he’s not making any moves at all to take custody of them himself and was perfectly content with letting Denise Richards handle that shit so he can pursue of his dream of spending each day proving that deep down every porn star is a hooker. TMZ reports:

DCFS sources tell TMZ … they’re pissed that Charlie is hurling grenades at everyone involved in the mess that has become his family — calling Brooke Mueller a “whore,” the judge an “anus brain” and DCFS “incompetent and lascivious.”
Our DCFS sources — who work in the trenches — say Charlie has NEVER made a real move to take custody of Bob and Max. As one source put it, “He cares more about his drugs and porn stars than he does the kids.”

Which sounds exactly right to anyone with even a cursory knowledge of Charlie Sheen, but cocaine is a hell of a drug that makes him think he’s Father of The Year for openly threatening a judge who wouldn’t make a crack addict get therapy for the kids he put in her so Denise Richards can keep watching them while he snorts coke out of a porn star’s vagina. He probably makes her call him Mr. Cunningham while he’s writing these things, and then shoots her when she doesn’t know how to make a pot roast. “That’s for sleeping with Fonzie!” he’ll also add.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Splash News, WENN


  1. The bat is color coded for safe insertion distance in a pornstar’s ass.

  2. Jade

    If he is upset about Brooke, he could, I dunno, step up and raise his children himself instead of making other people do it.

  3. so the judge would rather hand the children over to the drug addicted train wrecked mother than to give them to millionaire ninja vatican assassin tiger blooded charlie.
    what point isnt clear to you charlie?

  4. He should shut the fuck up. Never once has he ever offered to raise the boys himself. He blames everyone else and pays Denise off to take care of them, but I’ve never once heard him say, “Hey, why don’t I get my own shit together and step up and take responsibility for my own children. I have enough money to live on forever. I’ll quit all this other nonsense and be a man.” Nope. The thought never crosses his permanently damaged mind. Be a fucking man Charlie and raise your children.

  5. Bob

    Where the hell is Emilio in all this? He’s unemployed, right? Charlie could pay him to raise his kids and we could get a brand new sitcom out of the deal!

    • Dr. JFever

      Good question! Where is the rest of the family? Martin? The sister or Emilio? This is a Hispanic & Catholic family that is not stepping up. Not like any of the Hispanics or Catholic families that I know, they all would step up and offer to take these kids away from the addict and their dirtbag brother/son.

  6. I do not see his appeal. He is a father (scratch that) He impregnated an addict and has his ex wife take on the burden of raising his offspring. He is not a talented actor and only made it this far purely on his family name. He truly needs to go away.

  7. Inner Retard

    Dear Mr. Sheen!

    We would like to convey our deepest feeling regarding your recent expressions of paternal outrage about your children’s upbringing, threatening government officials, and specifically a judge. THANK YOU.

    Your Lawyers.

    PS: Could you insult a studio executive. We really need new cars for our kids.

  8. Jenn

    Maybe he should try some downers.

  9. This is just sad and pathetic now, worse than it was before.

  10. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Scary Movie 5
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet ya she’s a blast to hang out with…

  11. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got the whitest teeth he ever came across.

  12. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m going to get this picture printed on t-shirts and sell them in the Huallaga Valley.

  13. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
    Commented on this photo:

    “Even my diseased hands are afraid of touching these toxic tits.”

  14. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    Poster folk for the anti-drug and alcohol campaign.

  15. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Scary Movie 5
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is wrong with these gals destroying their lips like this – just STOP IT already

Leave A Comment