Charlie Sheen Isn’t Going to Die – This Week

November 1st, 2010 // 16 Comments
Charlie Sheen

Reports have been pouring in claiming Charlie Sheen has been on a non-stop cocaine and hooker binge for weeks, culminating in his near-arrest at a New York City hotel while porn-star/hooker Capri Anderson was locked in the bathroom. Friends are now saying he’ll be dead within a week which his manager Mark Burg is denying to TMZ because that’s what he get paid to. Check out what he literally expects you to believe happened while dropping in on Charlie over the weekend:

He [Burg] went to Charlie’s house, entered a side door and saw Charlie sitting on the couch eating a turkey sandwich, saying, “Way to knock, dude.”
Burg says he asked Charlie about the report he was at death’s door and “Charlie looked at me like I was nuts.”
Burg says Charlie plans on handing out lots of Halloween candy … because his neighborhood gets besieged by trick-or-treaters.
Burg added, “He looked as normal as he’s looked in a long time.”

Anyone finding it hard to imagine waltzing into Charlie Sheen’s house unannounced would result in finding him eating a sandwich as he wistfully plans to deliver sweets to the neighborhood children? Because I’m pretty sure you’d either a.) get shot in the neck with a crossbow and/or b.) stumble upon him using hookers for coasters while Mexican freedom fighters explain to “Senor El rey de la Nieve” why they’re going to need more “burros.”

But, no, it’s definitely the candy and sandwich thing. That’s gotta be it.

Photos: Splash News


  1. gogo


    • Aussie Mama

      Hmmmm why all the rumors etc.
      Maybe they are planning to off him.
      Once upon a time ago, Charlie was the biggest celeb in Hollywood, to speak out about 911 being an inside job.
      Then he sells his soul for the biggest show on TV and the biggest pay packet……. in return for silence on the truth movement.
      When your making a deal with satan worshipping hollywood, you have to pay the price eventually.
      If Charlie does DIE as they say he will, IT WILL NOT BE AN ACCIDENT. Nothing ever is, everything is planned, people are sacrificed.
      Watch for the date, if it does happen, it will be symbolic, 13, 6, soltice etc….
      The Quaids, have never been crazy, all of a sudden painted as loon’s, just like Jackson, Spears, Lohan, Morrison, Hendrix, Lennon, Monroe, Ledger, Princess Di, Hutchence, Brit.Murphy, Caradine, Gately, Devore, it’s happened forever. Jackson parts with Sony, all of a sudden he’s a pedo, never before, but certyainly after. Brittney just wants to be a Mum, she’s crazy, needs her father to step in, with the threat of her kids taken from her, if she doesn’t perform like a circus monkey. Too crazy and sick to be a parent, but healthy enough to record, tour tirelessly etc. Her 400 million a year income, has nothing to do with it hey?
      We can all guess, argue, but we know shit. And the more you read the less you will know as there is so much purposely planted disinformation, that you have to be a super slueth to actually work all the hyroglyphics out.
      Don’t believe what you read, don’t be a sheep. Nothing is ever as it seems.

  2. Yes, yes you are first. Charlie Sheen will never die. He’s going to be like Keith Richards. So chemically toxic that his body is preserved so that natural causes cannot get to him as his system is overly poisonous. Viruses enter Chuck and die, bacteria cannot affect him, and parasites won’t be able to feed off of him. Unless you include the parasite hookers he keeps paying, but those are external.

  3. Cock Dr

    I wonder what kind of candy Charlie handed out to the kiddies last night………

  4. This just in: guess what Fritzl’s favorite tv show is? (Fritzl of course is the Austrian monster who kept his daughter locked up in his basement). Yup: Two and a half men.

  5. fester

    Charlie has been dead for years, it’s just that some magical combination of coke and booze has been animating his corpse.

  6. Hes a little old to live fast n die young. The candy was probly nose candy and the trick or treaters were probly tricks as in hookers. I stil wldnt add him to my pool tho. Guys like this often have another habit, staying power.

  7. Mc Grough crime dog

    I hope Charlie turn his life around. At some point he doesn’t want to take a stroll with his daughters one day and for strangers to yell, ‘Hey look everybody its Charlie with another hooker’…That ain’t right!

  8. I think the manager slightly misinterpreted what he was saying- the turkey sandwich was Charles fueling up for that night’s Tricks and Treats.

  9. God I’m sick of this thin-lipped mother fucker

  10. one legged

    candy is the best after 2 weeks of it every day. then you normally will die. but my 100 foot bridge failed me.
    i will say anyone who has not done c, should have no opinion about it. ever.

  11. Mama Pinkus

    he is one fugly dude and it’s sickening the way he plays some kind of babe magnet on TV – in real life he has to pay big-time for skanks to be around him

  12. Uppity Tuppity

    Sheen will die when they take all his money away from him and fire his arse!

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