Charlie Sheen is Snorting Nothing But Pure, Colombian Charlie Sheen

February 27th, 2011 // 64 Comments
Charlie Sheen ABC Interview

Because there’s absolutely no way I can keep up with Charlie Sheen on top of covering the Oscars tonight – Think chasing the Road Runner, but he also has the rocket car and twenty sticks of dynamite. – here’s a quick recap of Charlie’s latest antics as of this post. Except by the time I hit “Publish” he’ll probably solve 10 Rubik’s Cubes and give an exclusive interview with Anderson Cooper in Antarctica. “What do ya mean it’s only snow? I just bought the whole continent!”

- The Book: According to TMZ, Charlie claims he’s writing a tell-all memoir titled “When the Laughter Stopped” which I can actually see happening. In his autobiography “On Writing,” Stephen King revealed he wrote “Cujo” during the height of his coke and alcohol addiction in the 80s and doesn’t remember typing a single word. So using that math, just assume Charlie’s manuscript can fill a missile silo and he only started yesterday. In the meantime, he plans to start the bidding for the publishing rights at a paltry $10 million because at this point, it’s clearly about getting the truth out and not at all about the cost of filling a jet with cocaine every morning.

- The Drug Test: Charlie flew home early from the Bahamas on Friday to take a blood and urine drug test for RadarOnline. He “passed” the urine part, but keep in mind this is also the same publication that manufactured a series of fake Britney Spears recording to sell issues of Star. On that note, the blood test results will be announced Monday which Charlie is confident will prove he’s a tiger (No, really.), so right away I’m doubting if he’s ever taken a single drug in his life. Clearly we’re dealing with a man so clean in body, mind, and spirit he’s become part-jungle cat. To put things in perspective, there are powerful shamans who still can’t make it past part-tit mouse, so I think I speak for all of us when I say, Bitches just got their lunch ate.

- The 20/20 Interview: Charlie has apparently recorded an interview with 20/20 set to air Tuesday night at 10 p.m. (promo after the jump) where he doesn’t just answer questions from reporter Andrea Channing as much as he pelts her with such amazing gems as, “Yeah, I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen.” The interview also includes him standing at a dining room table with two porn stars who look like they just finished their shift at a sweatshop, so I can’t see how that won’t help.

CHANNING: Is Charlie kind to you?
PORN STAR: Mr. Sheen say, smile and no talk to camera about pussy dungeon.
CHARLIE: Haha! She’s joking! *tries to morph into a tiger*

superficial

  1. Mamaninja

    Bi polar much?

    • Fuckjudger

      Don’t judge him, you fucker. Everybody knows that cocaine and alcohol cure bipolarism.

      • GestortMorder

        it is fucking real you dumbass, i have it, and cocaine helped me get rid of it! So go shove your nose in a pile of dog shit and snort it bitch!

    • Aussie Mama

      Bi-polar does not exist and there is no test in the world that can prove, or measure a chemical imbalance in the brain. Made up lies, for medication that eventually does real harm.

      • Rich

        > there is no test in the world that can prove, or measure a chemical imbalance in the brain

        Serotonin level testing.

        > Made up lies, for medication that eventually does real harm.

        Do wonders for me.

        _Richard

      • The Critical Crassness

        Scientologist bullshit! You been reading to much L Ron Hubbard propoganda and listening to Little Tommy Cruise’s line of shit! Scrap your e-meter and come back to reality!

      • soahc

        There is no such thing as serotonin testing.

      • Aussie Mama

        Do not group me with Scientology or any other cult for that matter. Just stating the facts. There is nothing that can measure chemicals in the brain. No test exists. The whole chemical imbalance crap is a spin line from a psychiatrist, which people now take as fact. People would rather pop a pill, than work on a relationship, work, get their shit together etc. the pills make you nuts. It’s a fucking epedemic of the Western world, which is waaaay outta hand. Natural is best.

      • SB

        Aussie Mama, have you ever been around someone who is bipolar and going through a manic phase, delusional and in a psychosis? It ain’t pretty and it is real. It’s hard to measure that stuff, but when you see it in front of you, you know it’s NOT normal. I’ve been in love with someone who is bipolar and when the person you love starts talking gibberish, pacing the room and crying then laughing over and over, meds are the only thing that can get them out of it. Charlie Sheen definitely seems bipolar to me.

  2. Cock Dr

    This whole yarn is turning out to be the greatest celebrity breakdown story ever.
    He looks a little haggard. Understandable. He’s probably not getting much sleep right now…he’s on that crazy “Charlie Sheen” drug.

  3. Morden

    And now since Charlie Sheen has snorted all the worlds coke supplies, we have to wait for him to die and snort his ashes. We will be high on Charlie Sheen too.

  4. Burt

    Man, that’s something he should be proud of. They named a brand of cocaine after him.

  5. JesseJimmy

    The best part of this interview will be five years from now, when he’s forced to watch it during his interview with ABC and his new fiance, and he has to keep a straight face when he says “I don’t even know that person. I’m totally changed, and so in love with [insert name of naive ingenue here].”

  6. Jon and Kate Plus Hate

    this story is getting boring. Can we have more Lohan please

  7. Aussie Mama

    Clearly he can take it or leave it. Some people can do that. Go on big fat party binges, then stay straight, then party etc. I have always done that with smoking. If i am hammered, I smoke. If I don’t have a drink for 3 weeks, I don’t smoke. I know plenty of people that aren’t slaves to anything, but when they run amock, they really run amock.
    I am sure the media will make him out to be a looney, which they love to do. He sounds completely sane to me, he lives his life, he’s honest and he loves a dirty bitch on his knob. What a life, go Charlie!

    • I don’t know about sane, he just sounds like an asshole.

    • CO

      Ummmm I think we can all agree he’s mastered by a pretty nasty sex addiction whether he’s sober or not…

      • Aussie Mama

        Hey The President stuck cigars up girls clackers and got sucked n fucked on tax payer time & money. What Charlie does in his time, is entirely up to him. He’s a method actor man!!! He’s living the role and always has. He’s single, he can do what he wants. Good on him!

    • Dan

      No… the drugs and sex got him fired from his job – he has a problem.

      I could see your argument if he just did this sort of thing on the weekends and still showed up for work on time and ready to go. I have met people like this who drink all time but still show up for work on time and in a proper condition for working. This is not Charlie Sheen.

      • Aussie Mama

        sources from the set say he always knew his lines and turned up on time. what else did they want?

  8. Myclamisaninnie

    Coke, Meth and Crack, all come out of your system in 3 measly days, he isn’t tricking me…rofl

  9. strit

    hahaha, still workin on that rubik’s cube?

  10. LJ

    Isn’t it fun to see the Broadcast Networks in the role of Dina Lohan in this movie?

  11. Emilio Estevez

    WOW – that is one SERIOUSLY BAD TOUPEE!

  12. juaquin ingles

    Charlie has been slang for coke since the 40s.

  13. yaaaawn

    At this point, stay on the crack! The only person on the face of this earth that crack makes a much better person then without it! Sheeesh, enough already!

  14. He is a seriously bad actor….one of the worst…he has the exact same facial expression no matter what he is doing…..why does anyone care about this coke head?

    The dude looks like he’s about 63…

  15. Aussie Mama

    yaaaaawn, so harsh. even oprah used to be a crackie. there’s hope for all!

  16. Greg

    I have heard of restaurants naming sandwiches after actors now drug dealers are naming drugs after stars. Congrats Charlie on having a brand of crack named after you.

  17. me

    he had his reasons: SLEEPING IS FOR LOSERS!!

    • TSW

      I read this as “SLEEPING IS FOR CLOSERS” and had a vision of a Glengarry Glen Ross style rehab facility. And it was awesome. Somebody should open such a place and put Alec Baldwin in charge. I bet the Glengarry Rehab Center would kick Betty Ford’s ass.

  18. Marceelf

    Greatest. Reality. Show. Ever.

  19. GodComplex

    “Covering the Oscars”?
    You cant even cover the cum stain on your mom’s mattress, how the fuck are you going to “cover the oscars”?

  20. josh

    Pretty sure theres a type of coke named “obama”, so why not?

  21. His book must be about when Two and a Half Men started.

  22. Rufus The Cat

    have a look at the mans nostrils. Seriously. Sheen could fit a Columbian field in there and still have room for a porn star teleporter.

  23. Mr Obvious

    Charlie Sheen is the greatest meme creator ever. I mean I can’t remember the last time anyone has said so many awesome things in such a short amount of time.

    “_____________? I cured it, with my mind”

    “Yeah, I’m on a drug, it’s called (insert your name or something non-drug related)”

    I’ll start:
    “World hunger? I cured it, with my mind”
    “HIV? I cured it, with my mind”
    “Yeah, I’m on a drug, it’s called awesomeness.”

  24. He looks like a Mr. Potato Head that was put in the microwave for about 10 seconds.

  25. hmmm

    Hope this breakdown gets picked up for another season- this is wayyy funnier than his show.

  26. smvt

    It’s like Charlie actually died of an overdose, and then was immediately reincarnated into an aging, white Kanye West.

  27. welp no news this morning of him being dead so i’m still not regretting not having him in my deadpool

  28. Liz

    So the ingredients of a speedball are Charlie Sheen and Robert Downey Junior? Does substituting Lindsay Lohan for either make it more or less dangerous?

  29. Deacon Jones

    I like how ABC and NBC news is sinking to covering someone going off the deep end, but they try to act and prim and proper about it, like they couldnt possibly dip to that level.

    I would love to hear the audio from when he’s with the 2 chicks. Watch the girl on the left. He face screams “What the fuck am I doing here”.

  30. This is going to end very badly. At least his antics helped us got a lot of great exposure for our new art book… Thanks Charlie Sheen, we sold a lot of books thanks to you…

    http://egotastic.com/entertainment/celebrities/liz-la-point/a-year-with-liz-a-nekkid-earth-orbit-around-the-sun-with-model-liz-la-point-007282

  31. Isa

    He looks awful :S He looks like he’s 60

    • Merry

      I agree, he looks like hell. He looks strung out beyond words!

      He looks like he dropped 20 pounds(within the last 24 hrs) has dark circles under his eyes, and generally has the look of death painted all over his face.

      I give him to the end of the week before he is on a slab in the LA coroners office! It may even happen sooner!

  32. Name

    pfff… drug devastated… Sheen – you’re nobody, deal with it

  33. The Critical Crassness

    Clearly Charlie Sheen has confused the title of his series, “Two and a Hal Men” with the reality of his own persona and believes that he is equal to….Two an A Half Men. Schmuck!

  34. Evil

    I thought that was his dad for a sec.

  35. Kisses4Katie

    If the retards who actually watch this on the tube believe him and think that Charlie is NOT geeked should shoot themselves already. Lookit how gaunt he is… he’s totally geeked! This is like seriously the biggest coke bender ever and anyone who has ever done it will recognize it.

  36. Aussie Mama

    So he’s not wearing make up?
    It’s just him.

  37. lucy

    Kisses4Katie from 8:42 pm – Truer words have never been spoken. I think many people have tried cocaine at least once or been at a party with those who are indulging and have observed them. One Goddess didn’t play her part of “sober Goddess who watches his kids” very well at all. Her jaw was grinding like nuts and the other one was shooting her warning looks with her eyes. Charlie was eating an oreo like it was a piece of cardboard. Give it up dude. Eating something isn’t convincing anyone watching who is hip to what a coke or meth binge is all about. They all seem methed out to me. Maybe when he says he isn’t smoking crack or doing coke, he’s telling the truth.

  38. Dr.Matera

    A Ba second agoCharlie Sheens recent interview on NBC was very interesting. He displayed a significant amount of over anxiety, over anxiousness, and on edge body language. He also did not blink as often or as one would on a usual basis. He chain smoked for the most part of the interview, while also requiring something to fiddle with such as the red elastic band.
    All these signs are common reactions to prescribed medication such as Modafinil or Ridalin. My professional opinion was he fueled up prior to the interview, & did not have a good nights rest the evening prior. His body language also demonstrated a revved up or charged upstate also common with these meds. Although I havn’t met Mr. Charlie Sheen nor have I had an opportunity to conduct a formal examination, he is displaying strong signs of narcolepsy.
    Having been a psychology examinor expert witness on numerous trials, I would also like to add his verbage, although quite imaginative is a sign of a lacking of ones self control. He is unable to exercise proper judgement toward what he is communicating. From extensive expertese in this area, I can also confidently state he has started to alienate himself from peers, co-workers, friends, family members, and anyone who might have an involvement in his life.
    It was also very dissapointing to see how he used his children as props or trophies in an attempt to display a sense of normality alongside his permiscuous relationships, one of which appeared to have herpes simplex in the corner of her right lip, conceled with makeup.

  39. kittemer

    I agree natural treatments would be better, in a perfect world. As for not being able to test for Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depressive) scans of the brain can show abnormal activity. Of course trying to get a Manic person to lie still long enough AND agree to take the test is a challenge.

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