Charlie Sheen is a Brilliant Negotiator

February 15th, 2011 // 40 Comments

Charlie Sheen really wants to go back to work on Two and a Half Men and apparently decided to call into The Dan Patrick Show and let the producers know this could get ugly again which is always a good tactic. Via The Huffington Post:

“They said, ‘You get ready and we’ll get ready.’ And I got ready and went back and nobody’s there,” he said. “I’m here and I’m ready. They’re not. Bring it, you know?”
Sheen said he tends to “unravel pretty quickly,” so suggested producers should put him to work now.

So basically Charlie Sheen just said, “Put me back to work – at $1.8 million an episode – or I’ll go back to three-day benders of hookers and blow.” Except despite the fact there’s no way he loses in that situation, he’s now threatening to not return at all which will end the show completely, according to TMZ:

Our sources say if Charlie doesn’t come back, his role will absolutely not be re-cast and Warner Bros. would end production immediately.
As TMZ has been reporting, there’s a lot of conflict between Charlie on the one side and Warner Bros., CBS and creator Chuck Lorre on the other.

And, again, this is what happens when you pay Charlie Sheen an ungodly amount of money because now he has no motivation to come back. He can either hustle to find another job, or die a warrior’s death filling a dormant vacation with swollen vagina and coke. He’s honestly just trying to plan his week at this point.

Photos: Splash News


  1. gogo


  2. jojo

    Chuck needs the money. His whore baby may not be aborted after all.

  3. What is Charlie driving? I don’t know what I expected, but that doesn’t look like a giant gold hot tub filled with topless hookers being pulled by unicorns that fart cocaine. Oh wait, THAT’S what I expected.

  4. molly

    god speed charlie sheen.

  5. Pretty selfish to say that if he can’t return to work he’ll quit. His career isn’t the only one that would be on the line, what about those of his co-stars? That wouldn’t be fair to THEM. What a coke headed alcoholic asshole.

  6. hmna

    I heard a few minutes of the interview. Charlie sounded strung out and jittery. Yeah, he’s ready to work, alright.

  7. TomBrady

    Time to answer that age-old question: How much blow could a Chuck Sheen snort if a Chuck Sheen could snort blow?

  8. Honestly, I don’t get it. The “snappy” hat, the baggy shirt, the saggy pants – he looks like my fucking grandfather. All that’s missing is the cigar. I know it’s all the money and coke that are really the draw, but damn – I thought hookers had SOME standards.

    • Dan

      I agree… he looks *really* old – and with his money, he wouldn’t have to.

    • plus the doucheness of shaving your face but not under your chin

    • seth rogen's vagina

      Hookers have ‘standards’? Do you know what hookers are? The ‘standard’ is ‘can you pay, cash, up front’. What is strange, is the hookers Charlie hires like him enough he pays them with personal checks.

      • Do you know what irony is? The ‘standard’ there is that’s it’s not something you press your shirty with. Since you seem to be one of God’s Literal Children who obviously wouldn’t recognize sarcasm if it hit you with a brick, chances are it will continue to elude you.

  9. Jon

    Somewhere, Emilio Estevez is regretting his life decisions.

  10. give this man a medal!

  11. I always hoped the unfathomably shitty writing and acting would be the reason production halted on Two and a Half Men.

  12. lmao well it will because the only attraction the show has is Charlie Sheen. No one else in Hollywood can play the role of late 40′s early 50′s writer who is single, womanizes, goes on weekend drinking binges, and will never settle down. You know, if Emilio Estevez ever moved in with Chuck 2 and a half men could become a reality show? It would be wayyyyyy more interesting though.

    As for Chuck, he’s not dumb. He knows if he walks the show is dead without him. In essence, they need him WAY MORE than he needs them!!!

  13. m

    things to not say to a drug and sex addict: when you’re ready, we’re ready.

    cuz then he shows up at the studio banging down the door wondering why no one is there waiting for him with a fresh pound of blow and 10 more hookers.

  14. Mayt

    I can’t believe people are trying to get Charlie to stop doing coke and hookers. Charlies thinkings, “wait, I make more money then you. I have a better career then you and I bang four porn stars at a time. I should be the one giving advice.”

    Charlie sheen (life coach)

  15. Charlie Sheen
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    If his haberdasher had any conscience, he’s just say, “Dude, the hat makes you look like an even bigger douche.”

  16. Dr. Phil should go fuck himself. Oprah should retire. Charlie Sheen is living HIS American dream!!!

    SHEEN 2012!!!! SHEEN 2012!!!! If the world is ending in 2012, we might as well go out with one hellova bang!!!

  17. I think this is the kind of thing you should expect when you borrow a hat from Tom Sizemore.

  18. What I find shocking is that Charlie Sheen buys gas. With all the coke he does, I figured he would just put his feet through the bottom of the car and do the Flintstones thing….

  19. Ed

    Get a little closer I almost have his VISA number.

    • LMAO. Not like they would ever catch you either. The fraud department for Charlie’s card provider has surely seen it all…. I doubt they even look at his alerts anymore.

  20. Charlie Sheen
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Smokes in the front pocket, unshaved, gold teeth, enough cash for today’s gas, probably a 19 yo hooker back at the house pouring rum & coke for the “sobriety coach”……Charlie is living the crackhead American dream.

  21. xanax in my beer

    I can’t stand his frowny brow. & Yeah he looks like he’s 80.

  22. Carolyn

    He wears the ugliest damn clothes–stupid-ass hat and a shirt that makes him look like an old fart in Miami beach.

  23. paul

    can we get a closer pic of his credit card next time pls, front and back

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