Charlie Sheen is a Brilliant Legal Strategist

March 4th, 2011 // 20 Comments

Let’s take a moment to catch up on the brewing custody battle between Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller that almost resolved itself yesterday until Charlie decided our terrestrial legal system doesn’t apply to him anymore. You see, early in the day, the police were at his house again because, surprise, the divorce settlement he signed just last month prohibited him from disclosing “to any media sources personal information relating to Brooke’s alleged drug usage.” So basically he was about to be held in contempt of court which is why suddenly there was talk of a friendly deal along with the following tweets:

not sure what all the legal noise is about… just verbally reached a deal with B. no court mon. yay….
..yet the opposition felt it necessary to still harass me with old gibberish…. odd? perhaps. transparent? you betcha’!

For those of you keeping score at home: “Old gibberish” stands for legal documents in Winner Talk and apparently they don’t mean anything to Charlie Sheen. Unless, of course, its his CBS contract, in which case he’ll sue your face off in a tsunami of gibberish. Anyway, this deal was just about to go through except it contained one very important clause: Charlie can’t talk to the media about it, so you can see exactly where this went. Via TMZ:

The first term in the deal was that Charlie not talk to the media about the agreement. We’re told Brooke’s lawyers are scratching their heads in amazement that Charlie immediately violated that term by tweeting about it and talking about it on a Philadelphia radio station.
We’ve also learned … the verbal agreement is not as Charlie stated — in other words, it’s not restoring the custody agreement they agreed to in the divorce. Sources tell us … the deal required that when Charlie had the twins a monitor would be present.

That’s right, The Tiger Blood F-18 couldn’t keep his mouth shut for five minutes which effectively landed him in court on Monday where he’ll have to explain to a judge why two women openly engaged in prostitution should be allowed to raise his children. Then again, I’ve always wanted to see someone argue in court that he’s only bound by “space-law” before strafing the bailiff in his underwear. “I do this every morning before coffee! EEEerrrraawwwwww! RATATATATATATATAT!”

Photos: Flynet


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  2. GoatmealCrisp

    I get it now. He doesn’t want to ever have to see his kids again. He really is WINNING!

  3. Bored

    Charlie – for free, here’s all you need to know:
    Nothing is often the wise thing to do, it is almost always the wise thing to say.
    Now, go back to horking all the blow and banging all the pron stars you want, just stfu about it, and everything goes back to ‘normal’.
    Or, run your mouth incessantly, which would be entertaining as hell for me.

  4. Andy

    On Monday he’ll be hit with the full force of the legal system as it applies to celebrities:

    “Try to not do that stuff again, k?”

    Or the court session will be canceled and not rescheduled.

  5. RoboZombie

    This guy is coked out of his GOURD! Does anyone really wonder why he cant shut the hell up?

  6. Charles Sheen

    I’m the Man!

  7. this guy has verbal dysentery. he’s gona be his own undoing

  8. Skins

    As a proud resident, I can confirm that Philadelphia is a lawless (and Godless) existence, so he’s good.

  9. r u sirius?

    I’ve seen a press release that Sirius radio is creating a 24 Charlie Sheen station, it will be called “Tiger Blood Radio”. Seriously, this is happening.

    • Tiger Blood

      should be a cheap operation to run – they only need to hire Charlie Sheen, he can run his mouth 24 hours a day non stop.

  10. Ill Rough you just the way you are

    He will find that speaking roughly and carry a big stick is much more effective. Wait a minute; I got the wording wrong don’t I?

  11. Charlie Sheen Brooke Mueller
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, at least he’s TRYING to find his dignity.

  12. dum6 bl0nd3

    that goddess or whomever looks prego

    • The Critical Crassness

      Wow, what an observant idiot you are..that’s Brooke Mueller when she was prego! Yea, she looks pregnant!

  13. Charlie Sheen Brooke Mueller
    Commented on this photo:

    Did you know he lights the cigarettes with his mind?

  14. Charlie Sheen Brooke Mueller
    Commented on this photo:


    he will be a legend!

  15. Charlie Sheen Brooke Mueller
    Commented on this photo:

    why is this the picture we see of her 90% of the time with these pale ass legs?

  16. Hootie

    A verbal agreement is an agreement with words, meaning it could be spoken or written. An oral agreement is a spoken agreement.

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