“The hell’s my mercury surfboard? I’m trying to win here.”
Over the weekend, Charlie Sheen gave what he promised was an exclusive interview to 20/20 which turned out to be the exact opposite of the case as he spent all day Monday talking to every single media outlet from TMZ to CNN. Realizing they’ll be 20,000 quotes of golden crazy behind by tonight, ABC News has since posted lengthy excerpts from the upcoming special which focus on Charlie’s new girlfriends Natalie Kenly and porn star Bree Olson (Real name: Rachel Oberlin). Apparently they’re just a couple of old romantics whenever he’s not openly paying them for sex or making them call him “The Wedge” while taking care of his kids. (Do I really need to say I’m not making this up at this point?)
On his “goddesses”:
“We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it’s scary. People say it’s lonely at the top, but I sure like the view. … You’ve read about the goddesses, come on. They’re an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart.”
On marrying both of them:
“Maybe the three of us will get married. I don’t know. I’m gonna say this. It’s a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It’s like an organic union of the hearts.”
On the rules in his house:
“We have a few rules here. Nobody panics. There’s no judgment. You park your judgment at the door. Nobody dies. And — enjoy every moment. What did I miss? Drink chocolate milk. We just have fun. There’s a ton of laughter in this house. A ton of love in this house. There’s a ton of nobility in this house.”
On porn stars:
“You already know what you’re getting before you meet them. They’re the best at what they do and I’m the best at what I do. And together it’s like, it’s on. Sorry, Middle America. Yeah, I said it.”
On paying them for sex:
“Who wants to deal with all the small talk and nonsense? And you’re paying for something that eliminates that. And I don’t know. It makes sense to me. As long as you’re not lying to anybody. As long as you’re not lying to people, I think whatever you’re doing, there’s no children involved in, then you’re OK. But people are going to judge it, because they’re so jealous.”
On his children:
“They’ll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin’-ness.”
On wanting CBS to get rid of Chuck Lorre:
“If they can’t change that, they’re not welcome in my perfect work environment. And they’re not welcome to be in the presence of what I’m delivering. Because they just need to take a step back and say, ‘Wow, wow, look what this guy’s doing for us, for all of us.’”
If Charlie Sheen doesn’t end this interview by stretching out his hands and floating into the heavens, the tape was doctored and we should cry havoc in the streets until it’s aired unedited. He told me to tell you that. Also, something about winning, but I couldn’t really hear him that well. Sounded like a tiger was giving blood in the background.
Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News
“These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart.”
Apparently Charlie Sheen’s heart is the Triforce?
Carlos these things you call Goddess are BUTT UGLY! Is this all 30 grand can buy these days or is this all you can get to be seen in day light with you? No one is jealous of you, that’s just more of your ego talking. No one cares who you pass around STD’s with. You have 5 kids and none will ever see you as anything but the loser crack head you have treated their mothers as. You are forced to pay for sex because you are incapable of small talk, love or feelings. These females are leeches that will be gone as soon as the fame and $$$ is gone. You don’t have to pay for love Carlos, you are just geting very costly and UGLY in home GFE. Die already like your career Carlos!!!
I think you’re underestimating just how rich Charlie Sheen actually is…
I agree. This year since he finished 15 of the 23 shows for the season he made $30 million. That’s just this year. The show has been on for eight seasons. He ain’t never gonna run out of money.
And what’s a polygamist folks? ⊙_⨀
Dependable on sexual interpretation i guess. What’s a polygamist?
choo-choo charlie has gone off the rails.
What in the name is a modern society? Partner’s approval doesn’t make you a polygamist yet. Real life polygamists are living in a community.
Coke and sluts? THEY’RE GRRRRREAT!
I’m just wondering about this ‘polygamist’ concept. Has this concept been always there?
Want to enjoy random brilliant Sheen quotes?
http://www.livethesheendream.com/
No it isn’t spam – it’s funny.
“drink chocolate milk”…. do we want to know what that means at Charlie Sheen’s house?
What a fucking asshole this guy is.
I listened to him on the Stern Show this morning. Dude’s batshit crazy, but his quotes are fucking gold.
Yes! That interview last night was “epic”. You could tell just how piss off that woman was getting interviewing him. He refuted her immediately.
I laughed. I cried. I ate salsa con queso.
He is now on twitter….it’s magical.
“(Do I really need to say I’m not making this up at this point?)”
No, Fish sugar, you sure don’t.
Charlie is the epitome of awesome. His idea of an average weekend is to do a suitcase full of blow and screw several porn stars. And he GETS AWAY WITH IT! As for me, if I tore a tag off a mattress, I’d have 12 cops busting down my door.
He is even more awesome than I thought he was!!
Remind me, what part of paying a gang-bang hooker to marry you is “winning”?
well, we have an honest american here.
………….CAN’T HELP IT, folks!!
I’m assuming the nickname “The Wedge” from the porn stars is due to the fact that he comes between them.
Had no one else really figured this out yet?
Charlie Sheen hoping his kids will see him as cool kinda reminds me of the woman trying to be the “cool mom”- and I think probably ends up with about the same result.
This is one crazy azz white boy!!!!
He started twittering? The Rock Star from Mars is waving his little hand to the world and screaming, “look at me! Look at me!” Charlie’s more like The Rock Star from Uranus. What a fuckin’ a-hole! Somebody needs to steal those nice new Mercedes he’s got parked in his driveway for his two stress/crazy dumpsters, and ghost ride them over the same cliff his other two cars were driven off of.
http://www.droopyeyedarmlesschildren.org
At first I thought Charlie Sheen was just a douchebag, but I finally get it now.
He’s a god.
WINNING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0NIMTPYYcU&feature=related
“Charlie is a great man, he is an awesome provider, he can provide the lifestyle to accommodate a relationship such as what the three of us have, and I’ve never been in a relationship before where a man was able to do that so this is great.”
“Bree Olson” aka Rachel Oberlin to People magazine
It’s so nice when an energetic & ambitious young hooker can find a rich & foolish patron….sitting atop a mountain of cocaine.
LOL
“There’s a ton of nobility in this house.”
Is that a euphemism for anal sex? I need a Sheen translator please.
I have no desire to see crackhead Charlie die. He’s too damned entertaining.
But cut off the money. Then the Sheen show will likely spiral down & out very quickly.
Platoon and Hot Shots called. They both said you’re an idiot.
filmlesson, the 1990′s called, they want their tired and overworked schtick back. Actually, it makes sense you’d be stuck in that era if you’re going to try and glorify Sheen’s film work. Wake up – Platoon was made in 1986, 25 years ago. It was also an ensemble film, and like Wall Street a year later, he sure as shit didn’t carry it all by himself. Hot Shots was funny, but is that seriously the best you got? What HAS he done in the past 25 years that was really so fucking wonderful, when he hasn’t essentially been playing himself? And if you’re gonna say “The Chase” or “The Arrival” then don’t even waste my motherfucking time.
justifiable- i just read through some of your previous posts…
i like the cut of your jib. and your jibe :)
If we overlook societies judgementalism about hookers, promiscuous sex, and recreational drug use…what’s left to hate on Charlie for?
People say he’s out of control because that’s what society WANTS someone this awesome to be. If we accepted that Charlie is just fine and living his life the way he wants, then by extension everyone else’s lives are constrained and pitiful…and we can’t have that.
Charlie will continue to be awesome…and you all will continue to be jealous…and the world keeps on turning.
Whenever I see Fish bring up Charlie Sheen’s abuse of women over and over then I will be inclined to give you some credit. These light hearted posts dont come close. They are written in a way of hey< let's look and see what that hilarious Charlie has said now. No mention of his violence towards women. He is a woman beater only difference is, he is made of teflon. Teflon Charlie strikes again.
He really does seem to be doing a Robert Downey Junior impression in the interview. Not very good at it, either.
But is that how all coke/crack/meth users act?
I don’t think his female sex partners are particularly interested in the small talk either…and if they are, they’re hopefully into the bat shit crazy brand of small talk. I suspect they’re more interested in the material wealth they can extract from these brief relationships. Like it or not, many women would leave their partner for a rich guy. Like it or not, many women would cheat on a rich partner with a more appealing man…particularly when ovulating. Maximum promiscuity is not part of the ideal female reproductive strategy, but don’t be so naive as to think that women don’t have means by which they can better their own reproductive fitness at the expense of others. The two sides of the middle aged couple you described have each weighed options and made calculations and decided on longterm monogamy. They were not denying their nature, just coming to a different conclusion than Charlie Sheen and his hookers. And, really, you should be cautious when drawing conclusions on human sexual behavior based on the actions of one seriously coked out individual. It’s like trying to publish “Mate selection and courting behaviors in Madagascan lemurs which we totally drugged out of their minds”. Probably not getting past the reviewers.
you speak the truth, it is the way it is.
If a man doesn’t want to talk to his sex parter, then he made a poor choice of a sex partner. If a guy doesn’t like women, as in doesn’t like to socialize with them, doesn’t like getting to know them and doesn’t like spending time with them then you can’t really say that man is interested in women.
There is much more to a relationship than sex. If you have nothing to talk about there is no companionship. Humans need companionship. They need to be able to emotionally intimate with other people, and studies show that men’s primary outlets for emotional intimacy is usually their significant other’s. In addition to emotional intimacy, people form relationships in order to build lives and pool resources. You can’t raise your children with women you can barely hold conversations with. Upon finding out that Sheen is having these sex workers take care of his children police are almost immediately involved; I doubt that’s coincidental.
What about when you get older and it’s necessary to care for your parents, would your hooker help with that? How about once you get older yourself and you need to be taken care of? Women in their late teens and early twenties are not necessarily the best candidates for those kinds of difficult situations. There are many times in day to day life and in times of crisis that it would be better to have a woman with some life experience that really knows you and cares about you around. She might not have the breasts you find on a 21-year old coed, but she will have the knowledge to really be a mature equal partner you can count on. If you just need something smooth and shiny to ejaculate in then a flesh light and some lube is entirely
nice!
“Platoon and Hot Shots called. They both said you’re an idiot.”
When they called, did they use one of those phones you have to crank by hand and then go through a phone company switchboard to use? ‘Cuz the movies you named are ancient fucking history “filmlesson”….
we’ll see who’s pissing on whose graves.. :)
What bullshit. Normally I like your posts, but I can’t seriously believe how deliberately dumb you are about this issue. Hey, High Hefner is living his life the way he wants to, fucking whatever he wants to, so more power to him and fuck what “society WANTS” – he’s not hurting anyone. But your claiming we’re all so incredibly jealous and constrained and it’s Sheen’s promiscuity and use of hookers that’s solely why people are “judgemental” (sp, btw) about him is – and I’ll be charitable here – the sort of thing I’d expect to hear from a developmentally backward 16 year old. Or else from the obvious die-hard Miley/Christina/Britey fan who posts here that she knows that we’re all critical because we’re really just superjealous of her idol, too.
Sheen actually could “live his life the way he wants”, but damn, since no one will work with him and he only shows up when HE wants to work, he won’t be able to bankroll that lifestyle without some kind of employment. Waaah, it’s not fair not to be able to do just what you want to when the money runs out!
That’s the problem with substance abuse – at some point it stops being about the cool – oh, ‘scuse me, I mean “bitchin’” awesomeness of being able to do just whatever the fuck you want whenever you want to do it, and starts to become about your behavior impacting on someone else’s life. Doesn’t matter if it’s stealing and selling everything your family owns to get what you need, or not showing up able to work so the show is cancelled so everyone’s on unemployment, or beating the women who are deluded enough to marry you or the hookers who are unfortunate enough to get in your way, your drug use will eventually veer from “recreational” – which isn’t actually much “fun” in that sense of the word for anyone who has to deal with you or clean up after you – to outright destructive.
And since you don’t know him personally and really could give two shits about him – other than being grateful he’s providing you with some sort of vicarious thrill so you can be an internet badass by cheering him on – you might want to consider why his father, who does love him and has had over two decades of experiencing this “awesomeness” at first hand, isn’t sitting back and doing the same thing.
Nicely done Justifiable! I have no problem with someone living their life the way they want to- and I don’t have a problem with someone who’s into prostitution or porn or whatever- but it’s a very different story when someone is hurting a bunch of other people. I’m sure his families hurting of course and I feel bad for all the people who lost their jobs due to his irradic behavior in regards to that show. I’m not gonna lie I was confused as how it stayed on the air that long being as unfunny as it was- but he’s taking all the credit for it’s success and acting really arrogant for the pretty shit acting he did. I also would doubt people would be jealous of him- and I’m confused when people not liking someone has anything to do with jealousy or even disapproving of a lifestyle. I think both his acting and his attitude suck- I couldn’t give a crap if he decides to have a million girlfriends- if there isn’t any lying (that part I agree with him on) and everyones consenting then it good- but it seems most of the women who end up wanting to be with a guy like him seem unstable anyhow. It seems like when he does something to hurt or piss off one of these women then they come crying to anyone who will listen about what he did. I think that’s bullshit considering they knew his reputation and still wanted to be with him. It wouldn’t make me envious of their situation- it more just makes me think they’re probably all pretty deserving on each other and all a bit crazy.
I would say from the sound of the drool dripping off of your tongue as it hangs out of your mouth over the thought of endless access to booze, drugs, and the skanky sloppy seconds from the porn industry that YOU are the jealous one, Mr. McPervy.
That’s not the “only difference” – for instance:
Chris Brown has gay sex with men, Charlie Sheen has a mansion full of female hookers.
Chris Brown responded to his troubles in a tv interview in which he appeared in a pastel sweater vest and cried. Charlie’s tv interview was him amped on coke, giving the world and his paycheck signers a big giant F You!
Charlie Sheen is endowed with fists of fury, tiger blood, and the ‘adonis gene’. Chris Brown dances around in untied work boots that have never seen a day’s work, and clearly is not endowed with the blood of a vicious jungle cat.
“He spends his days raking in millions”
errrr no, not anymore. And despite what Charlie’s drug-induced fantasies say, no court is going to help him. All performer contracts these days have outs for the producers if the stars do anything in public to impair the reputation of the show.
And good ol’ Charlie has done a little bit more than just “impair”, you know?
Still waiting for a post on what Cryer says about this crapfest. Aren’t there any actual ‘journalists’ out there that have the wherewithal to shove a mic in his face??? C’mon now you could pay off your j-school loans with a wave of that magic wand!!
he will get money for years off the repeat episodes
Welp i just heard on tv that the tiger just had his twin cubs taken away. Apparently there IS a judge in that state with a clue
that’s right give the kiddies to crack whore mummy instead. she’s a hell of a lot better. what does she do during her days? oh that’s right, hanging with paris hilton, probably smuggling 8 balls over borders up their massive cavernous vaginas as we speak. she is no example herself, especially as a mother.
your a moron “Snooki Lover”…your name speaks volumes on the type of person you are. its called “syndication”(although its been withheld due to his lawsuit against Warner Bros); something that requires talent in order for other networks to pick up the repeats of programs. No network/anyone(besides Rutgers University) is going to pay money for a talentless, fat , troll that (which u can NOT say about sheen) her mother probably sits in a room crying wondering, “how did this feeble abortion survive?” they literally pay snooki to show up to clubs in hope she passes out in the corner in her own spit and viscera. Anyone who remotely thinks snooki is cool; should be fitted for a pair of cement shoes.
In that case he should have just gotten Skittles.