Charlie Sheen Has ‘No Chance’ of Returning to ‘Two and a Half Men’

March 23rd, 2011 // 43 Comments

Earlier in the week, a story began circulating that CBS was looking to rehire Charlie Sheen and resume production on Two and a Half Men. The source was RadarOnline, who’s been Charlie’s PR machine since this whole ordeal began, so naturally it turned out to be bullshit. TMZ reports:

Fact is … Charlie was hired by Warner Bros. and, as TMZ first reported, fired by Warner Bros. Only Warner Bros. can bring him back, and sources directly connected to the production tell us there is “no chance” of that happening.
“Men” creator and executive producer Chuck Lorre has been holding meetings about the future of the show and possible re-casting, but Charlie is history.

And of course there’s no chance of Charlie coming back. Otherwise he wouldn’t be selling tickets to a stage show with absolutely no script or discernible concept, hawking T-shirts on Jimmy Kimmel or trying to sue Warner Bros. for $85 zillion like a broke drug addict. On the other hand, this proves that VISA has finally perfected the vaginal credit card swiper because I don’t know how else he’s affording goddesses short of stealing his neighbors’ cars. “Alright, ladies, The Wedge promised you Bentleys, so Bentleys it is. But, first, I’m gonna need you to look out for the cops while I run down the street with this crowbar. It’s all part of my warlock presentation tiger blood tiger blood winning PRETTY LADY. — Did I just have another stroke? Eh, doesn’t matter.”

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. MarkM

    WINNING! (Right up until he puts a bullet through his drug addled brain)

  2. Levi

    yea I worry about this guy… come back to sanity Charlie

  3. He doesn’t need 2.5 men. He’s making millions off this stage tour gig, he has a book lined up that will sell like hotcakes, and he will be on TV and movies and interviews for months getting paid like crazy. People think sheen is crazy and he is … crazy like a fox.

    • MarkM

      Yeah, I guess you’re right…all of that does almost equal about 1 week of his salary from 2.5 men…so I guess he’ll be JUST fine!

    • The Critical Crassness

      He is gonna need a lot more free capital than that just to continue with his lifestyle of drugs, booze and wrecked hotel rooms, not to mention all those Bentleys he has to buy for his goddesses. Sorry Dante, but the only thing Charlie is gonna be “winning” at is the race to kill himself.

    • Burt

      You clearly don’t get that he was the highest paid guy on TV. He was at the top of the game. All he had to do was show up for rehearsals and for shooting, maybe 3 or 4 days of work per week when in production, and he’d make about 50 million a year. If he really was “crazy like a fox”, he wouldn’t have blown that sweet gig. He’ll have to work his butt off to earn as much.

    • pookiewookie

      Absolutely right!

    • bitingontinfoil

      As many have said, the man made 2.5 mil AN EPISODE for showing up 3-4 days per week. Now he’s shilling t-shirts, kissing Kimmel, tried to start a shitty “sheens korner” that only served to prove exactly how whacked out he is, and now comes up with a hairbrained idea of him and a chair on a stage where he’ll make $7 mill for 3 MONTHS work. Implosion is imminent. Let’s not forget that he actually has to SHOW UP to these “shows”. Keep your receipts, folks!

  4. dpbefun

    Still making millions and working when he wants…Winning!

    • The Critical Crassness

      With his lifestyle, his making millions allows him to do just what you are probably doing….live paycheck to paycheck! Get a clue, this guy is a colossal
      failure of a human being, who will most likely being joining Michael Jackson very shortly. The only difference will be no one but no one will be surprised by the news of his demise.

    • And just like Michael Jackson, he is into sodomy with people who look like little boys…

    • dpbefun

      Well…is he still making millions? Is he basically working when he wants to work? Glad to see your literary skills propel you beyond a “paycheck to payckeck” existance….douche bag.

      • bitingontinfoil

        …it’s “existence”…
        There’s nothing I hate more than “internet grammar police” who have no effective comeback and have to stoop to insulting a persons typo while not knowing how to spell themselves. Goober…

      • dpbefun

        Great comeback , tinhead.

      • bitingontinfoil

        You’re welcome, goof. BTW: What’s a “payckeck”? Invest in a dictionary/thesaurus/wit before you try to insult someone.

  5. Deacon Jones

    He’s got the “What-the-fuck-have-I-been-doing-for-the-past-30-days” look on his face.

  6. zomgbie

    charlie sheen: the 2006 dane cook of 2011.

  7. Only way he’ll ever match that salary he blew is dealing out the coke he still has

  8. Ishmael

    Could you imagine winning/fucking up this badly? He’ll probably get Munsoned out in the middle of nowhere.

  9. The Critical Crassness

    Charlie Sheen, “Winning is the new Losing!”

  10. Deacon Jones

    Anyone else spot Mr. Wilson in pic 1?

  11. LJ

    Never say “No Chance”. It’s like a karma boomerang.

  12. No chance? I wouldn’t bet on it. I am sure anyone who has watched Charlie pass out after a night of coke fueled porn star sodomy probably thought “that guy has NO CHANCE of returning to consciousness” . And yet… Here we all are…

  13. Charlie Sheen
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Those people who shelled out good money for tickets are going to be very disappointed. Live comedy performance isn’t easy & Charlie ain’t no George Carlin.

  14. FluxinHertz

    this hole thing is fubard… so its ok for charlie to play a drunken manwhore on tv but god forbid the man dose it in real life and he gets fired.. art imitate life….. if charlie is such a bad guy then isnt the show just one big bad example

  15. Matt

    Charlie Sheen is making Joaquin Phoenix look like a douche.

  16. Charlie Sheen
    Commented on this photo:

    Another flattering photo of the obviously clean Mr Sheen. I have no idea why those cocaine rumours keep spreading.

  17. the captain

    ofcourse not!!

  18. Whyask

    I wont watch “Two and a Half Men” without Charlie in it.

    Period/End of discussion.

  19. Charlie Sheen
    Commented on this photo:

    Charlie is holding a picture of a hairy vag, and demonstrating how he is able to get the entire fist in. Talk about winning

  20. dontlooknow

    Charlie Sheen gets in an air punch at Warner Bros. because he’s a winner!

  21. Glenn Beck

    they are working on making a reality show around him, so i doubt he gives a shit

  22. Eric

    How can I say this without repeating what’s been said 1000 times already by people who have a life outside of Charlie Sheen:

    Who gives a fuck?

  23. nabeel

    fuck this. no 2.5 men without charlied. without him it wud be half men LOLLL Charlie was like 2 men cause of all that win he had on the show.


  24. Charlie Sheen
    Commented on this photo:

    so, Charlie Sheen is “broke”?..or, near broke?….and, I mean finacially! — I think we all can agree he’s mentally “broke”!….

  25. Eric

    I bet all of the networks are lining up with their checkbooks open for the Angus T. Jones show.

  26. Who ever write’s this article is a ass hole really. You don’t know how much money Charlie Sheen has you must be a up tight female. You should support Chris Brown and Charlie Sheen, Why not

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