Charlie Sheen Has ‘No Chance’ of Returning to ‘Two and a Half Men’

Earlier in the week, a story began circulating that CBS was looking to rehire Charlie Sheen and resume production on Two and a Half Men. The source was RadarOnline, who’s been Charlie’s PR machine since this whole ordeal began, so naturally it turned out to be bullshit. TMZ reports:

Fact is … Charlie was hired by Warner Bros. and, as TMZ first reported, fired by Warner Bros. Only Warner Bros. can bring him back, and sources directly connected to the production tell us there is “no chance” of that happening.
“Men” creator and executive producer Chuck Lorre has been holding meetings about the future of the show and possible re-casting, but Charlie is history.

And of course there’s no chance of Charlie coming back. Otherwise he wouldn’t be selling tickets to a stage show with absolutely no script or discernible concept, hawking T-shirts on Jimmy Kimmel or trying to sue Warner Bros. for $85 zillion like a broke drug addict. On the other hand, this proves that VISA has finally perfected the vaginal credit card swiper because I don’t know how else he’s affording goddesses short of stealing his neighbors’ cars. “Alright, ladies, The Wedge promised you Bentleys, so Bentleys it is. But, first, I’m gonna need you to look out for the cops while I run down the street with this crowbar. It’s all part of my warlock presentation tiger blood tiger blood winning PRETTY LADY. — Did I just have another stroke? Eh, doesn’t matter.”

Photos: Pacific Coast News