Charlie Sheen Accuses ‘Goddesses’ Of Taking His Money Which I Thought Was The Deal?

December 3rd, 2013 // 23 Comments
Dear Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen
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In an open letter to TMZ, of course, Charlie Sheen accuses two of his former “goddesses” of racking up his American Express bill behind his back. Which is amazing because I could’ve sworn these porn stars were sleeping with Charlie Sheen because of his looks, charms, and manic depressive bouts of violence. But all they wanted was his money? For shame:

In fact, when we reached out to Charlie about the situation — he fired-off one of the most Sheen-ish statements of all time … telling us, “I’ve observed more nobility and honor in the drifters I’ve run over and child molesters I spit on at Pelican Bay.”
It gets worse — and far more graphic — at one point he says they’re worse than “the cancer known as Brooke [Mueller].”

The best part of this story? I absolutely believe Charlie Sheen runs over drifters before hunting down pedophiles to spit on. Because he’s really in a position to judge. “Hey. Hey, you puke stain. I look down upon you with a right and true justice, pal. On the way over, I killed a drifter with my car. You know what a drifter is? Homeless scum. I kill homeless scum. Now get over here so I can spit on you for fucking kids. That’s your punishment. HOCK-TOO. At least I have the decency to hire porn stars, the thieving cunts. Now get outta here!”

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Splash News


  1. Remind me to order some giant anvils on and have them delivered to Charlie’s boat by PrimeAir drones.

  2. dreamcrusher

    Charlie Shitstain is so lowly ranked within the human species that he has to look up to see his whores. Here’s to hoping he dies soon chasing the ultimate thrill with a head full of crank and a baseball bat up his ass.

  3. Mohawk Disco

    I understand Chuck Lorre gets a ‘Winning’ tattoo every time Sheen screws up. His body must be covered by now to be eligible to join the Yakuza.

  4. Charlie Sheen New Pornstar Girlfriend Brett Rossi Makeout
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sure that this time Charlie has found his true long lasting love.

    • Mohawk Disco

      He has. If you mean the next five minutes. It’s hard to remember more when your brain looks like dry cheese.

  5. anonymous

    LOL @ Charlie thinking those pornstars are banging him for love.

    • Sure, they are…. love of money.

      • in all fairness, being gold dug is one thing, straight up robbery is another.

      • pornstar

        Robbery????? Robbery is when a black guy breaks in to your home, breaks things, and takes the 10 000 dollars you have hidden in your toilet tank. Then he goes back to his shack in Detroit, and splits up the money with his other black cousins,who are sitting on their beer stained sofa drinking malt liquor and smoking crack, while
        their baby mommas are frying Spam in the kitchen. ROBBERY.

  6. JimBB

    I’m just glad that 50-year-old man who dates 20-year-olds is standing up against pedophiles!

  7. Deacon Jones

    That girl he’s with looks pretty hot, in a non-pornstar way

  8. Shocking that he can’t care for his kids either. What a waste of life.

  9. No sympathy for this asshole. If I were the cops and he called me about it I would hang up on him and if he filed a lawsuit against any of these girls and I was the judge I would toss it. He wants to bang whores and prostitutes, then that is the price you pay.

  10. Charlie Sheen New Pornstar Girlfriend Brett Rossi Makeout
    Commented on this photo:

    Kissing Charlie Sheen is probably like kissing your grandfather….on the mouth

  11. Who the fuck gives whores access to their credit card? I’m not saying porn stars are whores, because I don’t subscribe to that mentality, but come on Charlie. Use what’s left of that brain of yours.

  12. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    His toxicology/autopsy report will take months to compile, but it’ll make for fascinating reading.

  13. Bonky

    Is it just me or are all of his “Goddesses” just throw away skanks ?
    This guy loves porn and he must know all the women players, so
    with the money he has can’t he get some better sluts ??

  14. Tiger blood and jackass brains.

  15. rAw

    I’m wit ya Charlie , party on dude!!!

  16. so wait- these 20 dollar porn sluts arent hanging with THE charlie sheen because hes a caring deep beautiful intense amazing unique individual?????

  17. sooooo…..Pelican Bay is where the pedophiles hang out. Cancel that anvil order Iveski and get some sawed off shotguns loaded with rock salt. We don’t need the anvils because we can force them to lay their penis on a large rock (vacation photos to follow)

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